He might want another baby but I don't

neneromanova

I my self am a woman. I just can't understand why women Jump to men having the snip? It's not even 100% effective anyway!

"Does sterilisation work immediately?

After the operation, you will still have some sperm left in the tubes that lead to the penis. This means that you must use another contraceptive method for the time being.

About two to three months after your surgery, you'll need to have a semen test to see if all the sperm have gone. Many surgeons like to make really sure by doing two tests.

Once you have been reassured that no sperm can be seen in your ejaculate - under a microscope - then you can rely on your vasectomy without using any back-up contraception.

But there is still a tiny failure rate. Occasionally, men who have had vasectomies find they have sired a child. This is because the tubing has joined up again.

Is vasectomy 100 per cent effective against pregnancy?

Vasectomy is not 100 per cent effective. Occasionally, pregnancies do happen. In Britain, estimates are that one in every 2000 vasectomies fails. This generally isn’t anybody’s fault.
"

kindofagilr

alm721 wrote: »

TBH if I were you I would be sterilised myself. I know its easier etc for a man to have the snip but you can't push him into it and at leaset that way you have piece of mind.

Its not that simple, OP isnt even 30, my mother had to ask for years to get one and the docs finally agreed as she was 50 at the time

I dont think either you or him should have the operation, things change, and it would be devastating if you had the operation and then wanted kids in the future

jackieb

My husband was 31 and I was 28 when he got the snip. We did have to wait until our youngest was a year old though. They wouldn't do it before that.

clairec79

When you bring up HIM getting sterilised and refusing to consider it for yourself it can be seen as you saying 'I don't want kids WITH YOU', not saying that you don't want any more kids ever. (and I do have a reference for an article on it somewhere - I did a essay which touched on that scenario a few years back)

Getting sterilised is a personal choice and the person going through it is the only one who can make that decision

xmaslolly76

Hi op

I would agree with the other posters leave any permanent form of contraception for the time being you have a small baby and an older child it is one hell of a shock to the system to find yourself copeing with 2. I was totally adamant that i would never have anymore children after having my DS & DD but 7 years later here i am with a new baby and planning on another one. I actually finished relationships before now because the men wanted more kids and i didnt so it is totally possible you will change your mind many years down the road. at least give yourself 2yrs before doing anything permanent i am so glad i didnt go through with my steralisation. I sat down the week before the op was due and i thought to myself what if?? What if me and my partner werent together in a few years what if one of us dies what god forbid if we lost one of our beloved children. Low and behold me and my hubby split i eventually met the man of my dreams and a new baby just felt so right. As others have said there are alot of alternative methods of contraception please at least try them before doing anything drastic :-) x

gorgeous_gwen

Very interesting input from people, thanks. Just to clear a few points up...

I am as certain as anyone can be that this is a long term relationship, ie we have plans for our future together as a couple and family.

I should say I am not pressuring him into the snip, more that I was thinking of methods that we can put into place and not worry about (ie condoms, diaphragm) and that are very reliable (although beginning to revise that now from what has been said!) I have used different hormonal contraception and as well as various side-effects, I really am against the principle of them anyway. I did think about the coil (the non-hormonal one) but don't feel comfortable after doing reading and research.

I should also say I haven't discounted myself being sterilised, more that in terms of which is more straightforward, the snip seemed the first to look at as it were.

I am very sure as I said I don't want another unplanned pregnancy, boyf doesn't want another at this point but he could change his mind later on. I am as sure as I can be that I don't want any more, so logically what I have to do is deal with the 'now' with a less permanent method of contraception (whatever that may be) and somehow work through things.

I suppose ultimately I am worried that if he decides he wants another child I am in a horrible predicament: I would hate for him to think that the fact I don't want another means I don't want another with him; it means rather I am happy with where we are as a couple and a family and another at any point would mean more emotional strain and financial strain. God forbid anything happened to me and him, I am still sure I would not want any more because I know I have enough dealing with the ones I have and already have a lot of help and support with them;quite simply it would be stupid in that sense to have more when I need support with the two I have already. However (again god forbid) anything should happen to the ones we have I can see emotionally things may change so for that reason I am stepping back from permanent methods for now.

Anyhow for now I am going to make an apointment at the family planning clinic and take it from there.

brians_daughter

I went through this with my partner when i had decided i didnt want anymore kids. I dont want to go back on the pill, we hate condoms etc and i suggested one of use 'got done' even spoke with GP about it. GP basically said it would be 'more straightforward' if my oh got the snip.

OH was horrified at the idea. I thought he was kinda hedging his bets ie what if we split up etc etc. I actually took it as a personal insult almost.

We spoke about it for many months and at the end of the day..it isnt the right contracaption for him. Just as the pill isnt the right contraception for me.
Its his decision and you need to respect that.

If you are sure then you could discuss you getting sterilised with GP.. have you been through all the contraceptive pros and cons with your practice nurse. You may be suprised at what she has to say

Jo_F

I was married with two children, we decided enough already and my husband shied away from the snip, so instead I had it done, I was about 28 at the time. I was absolutly 1000% sure I never wanted another child.

Fast forward 6 years, my marriage has broken down, I was with a new partner and we discussed having children, I brought the subject up as I wanted another child. I went in for surgery to see if it could be reversed, the original surgeon did too good a job, so it can't be.

Even if you are sure now that you don't want another child, you don't know how you are going to feel in a few years time. Like I said, I would have rather walked on broken glass than had another baby.

Pee

My boyfriend was talking into going for the snip by his ex when they had two children. He made the appointment but didn't go through with it and we are now trying for a baby.

You say you don't want alternatives with hormones. I would be interested to know how the snip affects male hormones.

Lunar_Eclipse

aliasojo wrote: »

I think it's more about the finality and about having the choice taken away from him.

I think it's a subconscious thing with men, they're genetically programmed to breed and father children and even although they may not want them, they just dont like the option of having this basic function removed.

I wouldn't worry about this or blow it out of proportion OP. You're both singing from the same sheet at present, why fret about what might or might not happen in the future? Just find a method of birth control that's acceptable to you both right now. Alternatively, get sterilised yourelf.

Agree with all this; keep it in proportion. I also think there are psychological breeding/option issues at play with some men, often sub-consciously.

Fyi, we're using the rhythm method and I completely understand your dilemna! I won't use hormonal based contraception after doing so for many years and then having children. My body has done it's fair share. DH says he'll get the snip but I know he isn't keen and I'm fine with that because there are risks and I don't really want to have to deal with dysfunction should it come to that (he would be devastated.) I'm not going to get sterilised since it's a big operation and not worth the risk IMO. So we're happily carrying on carefully.