does your other half money save or spend?

Spendless

hobo28 wrote:

What's a MEW?

!

Mortgage Equity Withdrawal. Say they bought their house before property boom and paid £50,000 for a house now valued at £150,000 they have re-mortgaged to £75,000 with the intention of doing stuff on house. Instead with the £25,000 they have gone on holidays, bought designer clothes etc and ran out of money to do house up with. Few years later they decide they want to do something else to house,re-mortgage to £100,000 and repeat process. When money runs out start building up debt again till we need to do something else big to house and re-mortgage once more.:rolleyes:

pink_phantom

My OH (male), is so tight that he keeps the boxes for EVERYTHING. Our garage is full. he says he keeps them "in case we sell them"?? Yes, I'll just re-sell the paddeling pool with holes in it, the box that we bought our tablewear is still there and half of them have smashed! My personal favourite is the box for our barbecue (only a £25 one not expensive). Who would want to buy a mouldy old, rusty, smelly barbecue!!!

Mrs_Optimist

I've had a laugh reading this thread. Luckily my husband is sensible with money but he does like gadgets too - he just spends month researching them before bying for the best possible price. I like to spend money but within reason - I don't have extravagant tastes - I keep telling my husband he is lucky to have a wife who is low maintenance! As for MEW we has just done our first, after buying our house 10 years ago - have loads of equity but took out just 10K to pay for my husbands course fees (he is studying to become a plumber and has to pay his own course fees) and pay off a 3.5k car loan to minimise our monthly payments. Not very exciting I know, and we did agonise over it, but it was a life saver to us whilst my husband is unable to work, due to studying. I think how you are with money boils down to how you were brought up. My mum is terrible with money, my dad is careful. I am careful with money to the extent that I don't like debt, my sister is terrible with money - guess who was the spoilt brat when we were brought up!!! Once you are used to getting your own way as a child and money is no object, it stays with you I think. How do you think your children will be with money when they are older? Wise or Unwise?

Miss_Penny_Pincher_2

Redbedhead wrote:

I paid off my last debt in August 2005 and he cleared his in April 2006.

We are now concentrating on saving for our wedding:T

Congratulations Redbedhead!!

My OH is not as careful with his money as me and had never saved in his life but never been in debt either - just always spends what he has.

Now we have a mortgage together he gives me a set amount each month and I do the budgets and make sure all bills are paid etc - I earn twice as much but he actually ends up with a bit more than me after everything is paid cos I want him to still enjoy buying things he wants / going out with friends etc and I get more pleasure out of seeing my money going towards overpayments on the mortgage (sad I know!).

Today he went into Gamestation and they had offer of 4 XBox games for £20 and he came out and said he couldn't afford it - before he would have thought nothing of spending £35 on one game - I told him he could afford it and turned him back around to buy them :rotfl: so maybe he has had a good influence on me too :rolleyes:

Miss_Penny_Pincher_2

Mrs_Optimist wrote:

I think how you are with money boils down to how you were brought up. My mum is terrible with money, my dad is careful. I am careful with money to the extent that I don't like debt, my sister is terrible with money - guess who was the spoilt brat when we were brought up!!! Once you are used to getting your own way as a child and money is no object, it stays with you I think. How do you think your children will be with money when they are older? Wise or Unwise?

Interesting theory... I dread that our children would be unwise with their money even though we are wise - just because I know that would be one of the biggest ways in which they could distress me :rotfl:

lovemystudentloan

We're the other way round, I want to spend money on stuff I don't really need and my boyfriend asks why if I don't need it? But I think that if I can afford cheap earrings off e-bay and it makes me happy, why not? And I do save as much as I can. he is really good with money, he never buys anything he doesn' need, he only wears clothes that don't need ironing and he gets really annoyed if i buy him anything, like cheap jeans from Primark cos his are too small cos of all the chocolate he eats! He whines when I tell him how ungrateful he is and says 'well thanks, but don't do it again'. I think as long as your both happy, that's all that matters. We're going to get married in August at a registry office and if I was younger and wanted a big wedding I'd be heart broken, but I've never wanted a church wedding and the stress would just about kill me, so having a nice week at the other end of the country and coming back married will be my perfect wedding anyway I've made sure the engagement ring is twice what he wanted to pay with all the money he saves though!

mrs_T

This has been interesting reading for me since my husband and I are struggling with just these issues at the moment, and for the last 20 years. We got off to a bad start because being 6 years older than me and not leaving home until our wedding day he had built up savings that I didn't have when I'd been a student living away from home and then working and paying rent for a year before our marriage. There was never any question of a joint bank account and he told me what bills he expected me to pay. We moved into a flat he'd bought for himself before our engagement and done up in the months prior to our marriage. We only moved out six years later because I was pregnant with our first child, he didn't see any point (like preparing for a family) in spending money on a larger property until we needed it. As a result we spent a year living with his mother looking for a house during which time our baby was born, I still resent that what should have been such a happy time was a nightmare.

To bring it up to date, MIL is now deceased and we have three kids. I work three days a week as I have done since eldest was born, never any disussion about NOT working, as he says why should I expect to be kept? Except of course he contributes nothing other than financialy at home. He works to pay the mortgage (which he chooses to have, he's enough inheritance to pay it off but doesn't feel it's his money? Not very money saving), the council tax and the utilities. Everything else like groceries for five, clothes for me and the kids, my ancient car, house stuff, computers and all other expenditure for me and the kids comes out of my part time wage, so call me spendthrift but I don't have savings (but also no debt) while he piles up the savings and mocks me when I try to talk to him about the situation. Having said that, he doesn't spend on himself (other than choosing to have the mortgage), gave up smoking last year and prides himself on not knowing anything about types of cars or gadgets like other blokes. I don't see a way out, separating is tempting to make him come to his senses but I know we'd all end up worse off. Any suggestions welcome.

Spendless

mrs_T wrote:

This has been interesting reading for me since my husband and I are struggling with just these issues at the moment, and for the last 20 years. We got off to a bad start because being 6 years older than me and not leaving home until our wedding day he had built up savings that I didn't have when I'd been a student living away from home and then working and paying rent for a year before our marriage. There was never any question of a joint bank account and he told me what bills he expected me to pay. We moved into a flat he'd bought for himself before our engagement and done up in the months prior to our marriage. We only moved out six years later because I was pregnant with our first child, he didn't see any point (like preparing for a family) in spending money on a larger property until we needed it. As a result we spent a year living with his mother looking for a house during which time our baby was born, I still resent that what should have been such a happy time was a nightmare.

To bring it up to date, MIL is now deceased and we have three kids. I work three days a week as I have done since eldest was born, never any disussion about NOT working, as he says why should I expect to be kept? Except of course he contributes nothing other than financialy at home. He works to pay the mortgage (which he chooses to have, he's enough inheritance to pay it off but doesn't feel it's his money? Not very money saving), the council tax and the utilities. Everything else like groceries for five, clothes for me and the kids, my ancient car, house stuff, computers and all other expenditure for me and the kids comes out of my part time wage, so call me spendthrift but I don't have savings (but also no debt) while he piles up the savings and mocks me when I try to talk to him about the situation. Having said that he doesn't spend on himself (other than choosing to have the mortgage), gave up smoking last year and prides himself on not knowing anything about types of cars or gadgets like other blokes. I don't see a way out, separating is tempting to make him come to his senses but I know we'd all end up worse off. Any suggestions welcome.

eek. You could start a conversation about how would either of you cope financially if you became ill and unable to work since you have this 'his' and 'hers' money situation. Whilst I have no wish to worry you, there was a thread the other day where a husband had left 'his' money to someone other than his wife (think it was the kids) with the wife just allowed to live there for rest of her life. You could start a conversation about what would happen to you financially if he died before you. I suppose you could also stop paying for the stuff your money goes on or at least threaten to. Is yours the family car, then youa re selling it, and the computer is going too cos you want to start savings of your own and it's the only way you can. I don't really know if these ideas are good or not. You have my sympathy and I hope you work it out.

lara1983

What a rubbish situation, and what a misogenist. I'd tell him that as an independent woman with independent earning power, it's your turn to work full time, and he can do part time and bring up the children and look after the house. You're doing one and a half jobs while he does one. Sounds like he's trying to live a batchelor existence despite having wife and three kids. If I were you I'd be looking for a way to screw him for every penny. If you don't fancy that I'd quit my job, go on strike with housework and see what unfolds.

Jays

mrs_T wrote:

This has been interesting reading for me since my husband and I are struggling with just these issues at the moment, and for the last 20 years. We got off to a bad start because being 6 years older than me and not leaving home until our wedding day he had built up savings that I didn't have when I'd been a student living away from home and then working and paying rent for a year before our marriage. There was never any question of a joint bank account and he told me what bills he expected me to pay. We moved into a flat he'd bought for himself before our engagement and done up in the months prior to our marriage. We only moved out six years later because I was pregnant with our first child, he didn't see any point (like preparing for a family) in spending money on a larger property until we needed it. As a result we spent a year living with his mother looking for a house during which time our baby was born, I still resent that what should have been such a happy time was a nightmare.

To bring it up to date, MIL is now deceased and we have three kids. I work three days a week as I have done since eldest was born, never any disussion about NOT working, as he says why should I expect to be kept? Except of course he contributes nothing other than financialy at home. He works to pay the mortgage (which he chooses to have, he's enough inheritance to pay it off but doesn't feel it's his money? Not very money saving), the council tax and the utilities. Everything else like groceries for five, clothes for me and the kids, my ancient car, house stuff, computers and all other expenditure for me and the kids comes out of my part time wage, so call me spendthrift but I don't have savings (but also no debt) while he piles up the savings and mocks me when I try to talk to him about the situation. Having said that, he doesn't spend on himself (other than choosing to have the mortgage), gave up smoking last year and prides himself on not knowing anything about types of cars or gadgets like other blokes. I don't see a way out, separating is tempting to make him come to his senses but I know we'd all end up worse off. Any suggestions welcome.

This is a very difficult situation, and my heart goes out to you Mrs T, what happens if you broach the subject of who pays for what?

My dad was similar to this, the house was only in his name, and he refused to put in joint names with my mum, also refused to leave a will but that was sorted out easily. Essentially, it was all about power, he was able to wield power over my mum, he had become disabled and it was his way of trying to make sure she never left him, as he was convinced if he put the house in joint names she would leave, forcing him to sell up to split the value of the house between them, and leave him without a carer.

Does your husband realise he is being unfair? Or, is he completely unaware?

I wish you the best, I know what it is like to live in a power struggle, hope you are alright,
Jays