What to do???

UKTigerlily

Well, in that case, I think the suggestion of Kira spending a weekend with the prospective new family would be a good step, they can get an idea of how she'd be & if it'd suit them, you can see what you think & have some time without her there to sway your thinking (If I look at Chaya I can't ever think of rehoming her, if I needed to think about it, she'd have to be not there while I thought if that makes sense!), Kira can see how she gets on & nothing is permanent.
Maybe they could have her 2/3 weekends & then all make a decision (Assuming they're up for it which it sounds like they would be). I agree it has to be what's best for the dog & think it's really brave to consider seriously rehoming when you feel the dog could have a better life elsewhere, it would be easier to keep her & just think she'll be fine than to really go for it.

Also, not a dog but my Cat came to me straight from her previous owner but was also an RSPCA cat, they chose to rehome themselves, I don't think they told the rescue I don't know? but she was 23 months old at the time & their reason was their 8 month old baby was allergic to her (They took her at 6.5 weeks from rescue, she was born there) ..

9.5 yrs on & she & I are *very* happy & although she was nervous at fist she is a timid cat anyway & she soon settled, so it can work (She also lived previously on the road backing onto the one I was on so had the *trauma* of going back to a closed cat flap) but has been fine, so i'm sure if you did do it Kira would be fine too from what you say of her character

I do of course feel people won't (Obviously) give their kids up (Or generally not, my Cousins both did!) & shouldn't give their dogs up either, but then I think as much of pets as kids (If not more! lol) & understand most people don't (Not worded well, most people do love their pets but can put them after the kids iyswim) . . in my cats case it worked well, their daughter will have had her allergy improve (Assuming they told me the truth), Tess got a good home & i've had 9 amazing years so far, so i'm sure if you do rehome Kira, it will work out well, they do sound like a great home & you'd still see her so would know she's ok x

UKTigerlily

lostinrates wrote: »

Hey, Mrs Tine, its not just elderly people who could volunteer to dog walk!

i walk 7-8 dogs belonging to neighbours. I'm thirty and a ''resting'' animal professional and daughter of a retired dog breeder! I've been doing this for ...about 18 months, and will do it till i leave here. Some other neighbours of mine can't have a dog because they travel a lot, but they love walking and dogs, so when they are home they perk up the life of one of their friends' dog by having it through the day.

It might be possible to find, through your vet for example, someone else who works, and between you you might manage a longer walk each through the week, one with the kids, one with the dogs alternately....and make a new firend at the same time.

Could your friends looking perhapd help out by doggy day caring tll their dog is found? Get them into the swing of things and help you through a work transition period?

Totally! That was just my example (And the lady who has mine could easily manage a strong & lively dog, she's much more experienced with dogs than I am & not unsteady on her feet or suffering from health issues), most people on the site are young people though, about our age & will look after or walk the dog & it's all free! It's been a life saver for me as there's no family my dog could go to if I got ill & the reason the lady doesn't have dogs any longer is her kids are grown up & living abroad & she spends 6 weeks in one go with them a year so it wouldn't be fair to leave her dog/s all that time. I *have* offered payment, even though it's against the *rules* of the place, but of course she won't accept & does it cause she adores dogs!

Fire_Fox

I think it's lovely that you are able to step away from what you want and look at what is best for the dog. I rather suspect you will find it much easier to come to a decision when you have spoken with your husband about it!

I had two rescue cats when I was married - I left my husband, I left our village cottage and I left my cats too which was heartbreaking. Initially it was only temporary as I was moving to rented and I used to cry each time I visited (tears thinking about it even now! ). One summer day I went over and saw them lying in the garden and knew I'd never make them move - they adored living there and my ex was brilliant with them. I haven't ever regretted that decision as hard as it was.

I think it's much the same decision as having your much loved friend and member of the family PTS - very personal, very tough and only with the benefit of hindsight do we know if we've got it right.

UKTigerlily

The above post reminded me, when my ex & I split & went our seperate ways we had two cats, he took one as they were more bonded & I took the other, 6yrs on the one he took is very happy & gets on well with his now Wife's cat who was there when he moved in with his Wife. I doubt she's missed me at all & i'd met his wife so knew she'd be good to the cat

viktory

What you are proposing is how I came to be the owner of a gorgeous boxer a few years ago. My neighbour across the road owned a red male boxer. He was such a handsome lad and his owner adored him - they used to spend all their time together -the dog even used to go in his lorry on his deliveries. However, the owner and his wife divorced and he had to move to a flat - my daughter adored the dog and played with him all the time so he was offered to us.

The move was done very gradually over a period of months so when he (the dog!) moved in permanently it was easy. We had many, many happy years with the dog and his old owner visited a number of times.

The point to this is that the owner loved his dog but was brave enough to do the right thing - even though it clearly hurt him. The dog was fine and had a really long and happy life.

I hope you are able to make the right decision and take peace from the knowledge that it is the right decision.

Frugalista

Some years ago I was approached by a friend who dealt with my chosen breeds rescue. She asked me if I would consider letting one of my girls (8 yrs old) go to an elderly lady who had lost her last dog a couple of months previously. There was nothing in rescue that was suitable, so my friend had been racking her brains trying to find the lady (Dorothy) a new companion. “But I’m not looking to re-home her” I protested - and it honestly had never entered my head!

My girl was a singleton puppy - I delivered her myself - and was rarely parted from her. She was gentle, well mannered, obedient and a beautiful soul - BUT (and this is where my situation was different to Mrs Tine) we had a multi-dog household and there were serious jealousy issues between this girl and one of the others. There had been a couple of very serious fights between the two of them - one culminating in a late night dash to the vets to have them both stitched up and then onto the hospital to have OH’s hand stitched up too!!:eek: It was a situation that we just learned to cope with, and I never considered “getting rid” of either of them - but my friend persuaded me to, at least, think about it. She said that Dorothy had always had older females from the rescue for about 30 years and that “if you came back in another life as a dog, you would want Dorothy to be your owner”.

So I agreed to think about it, saying that I would not make a final decision for a couple of months (just in case something did come onto the rescue list and needed this home) but would talk to Dorothy direct. Like Mrs Tine, I absolutely agonised over this - I loved my dog dearly - but the more I thought about it, the more I came to realise that she would have a much better life with Dorothy.

I can still see her little face looking at me out of the back of Dorothy’s car as they drove away with her - I wanted to run after them and say I had made a mistake. I cried for weeks afterwards - I felt like my heart had broken. What had I done??

She bonded with Dorothy (and her OH) immediately (little traitor :rolleyes:) and settled into her new home and routine with ease. She went everywhere with her new owners (shops, holiday, visiting, pub lunches, etc), she shared their breakfast, and developed a taste for digestive biscuit and Horlicks before bedtime. Most importantly, she had their undivided attention, something I had been unable to give her. A year after she went to live with them Dorothy’s OH suddenly died - Dorothy wrote that my girl had been her lifeline, giving her reason to carry on. Dorothy had her for another five years before she was finally given sleep at the age of 14. Dorothy wrote to thank me for letting her have my girl (I still have her letter) saying that “At the age of 93, I have shared my life with many dogs but never one that I have loved as much as (my girl) - thank you so much for letting me have 6 wonderful years with her - I only wish I had known her when she was younger and could have had her longer”.

Mrs Tine, I really do know what you are feeling at this moment and wish you well no matter what you decide to do. In a way, I think it made it a little easier for me that Dorothy lived a couple of hours drive away, so I didn’t have to see my girl too often (and prolong the agony). I do know that even though it hurt sooooo much at the time - I truly made the right choice. Good luck with your decision .

MrsTinks

Thank you Frugalista... It's not as different as you might think - I may only have one dog (actually having 2 would be better for her - company and all that, sadly our house is WAY too small for that) but I have 2 cats that have been with me since they were 6 weeks old and are now pushing 9 I've discussed it with hubby tonight and we decided given the changes in work arrangements etc coming up she would so definitely have a fuller and happier life with my friend and her OH so we've suggested a trial weekend to them... they will discuss it tonight and let us know... At the end of the day there are obvious considerations for them too so they don't want to rush anything either... but the idea is that a trial would give me long enough to decide on if I could carry on without her and for them to decide if she'd fit into their life or if another dog would be better.
Both DH and I however are firm in the decision that should they decide she's not for them then she stays here - we'll manage when I go back to work and we'll do our best to provide a loving home forever for her - abroad or here
It's only this unique set of circumstances that has brought the possibility about and I know in my heart of hearts she'd be loved, cared for and have a better life. Unless I could guarantee that I'd never seperate from her!

I'll keep you all posted

Froglet

What a tough decision.But i think you have made the right choice in doing things slowly and gradually so you have a back out in place if it doesn't feel right.

How some people can just abandon their dogs ,dumping them far from home,is way way beyond me.You obviously care deeply and want what is best purely for your dog.If only everyone was the same.

UKTigerlily

I agree with Froglet, and doing trial weekend/s will be good too for you all. It's nice that if she does go she already knows the new people. My other suggestion that you'll have considered was could the dog walker come 2x a day for 30 minutes each time instead of 1x 45? It probably wouldn't cost much more & maybe one visit could be more mental stimulation than walking? I'm sure whatever you do will work out as you have her best interests at heart & are putting her first x

Frugalista

MrsTine - just wondered how it was going?