What to do???

MrsTinks

mcol - I'm entertaining the idea because I'm wondering if I'm being very selfish keeping her when I can see a perfect home for her...
I know myself well enough that yes I would be able to not interfere - I guess you'll have to take my word on that And I know she'd be happy to see me when I came to visit because the dappy mutt is ALWAYS happy to see anyone and being excited to see me wouldn't be any different to anyone else waljing in their house to be honest so they wouldn't be offended either (she's a rubbish guard dog lol!) and taking her for a walk wouldn't be a case of just turning up I wouldn't just drop in unannounced - much like I wouldn't now to anyone

I'm sure given time they can find another perfect dog, but I'm wondering if the unselfish thing to do for the dogs sake is letting her go to my friend... Sleeping on it btw hasn't helped in the least... I went to sleep thinking that no - she's staying here... but woke up thinking again that I'm being selfish... what about when I return to work... potentially she'd be reduced to a few minutes walk in the morning and evening with the dogwalker taking her out at lunch... Which for her isn't really enough, she's such a high energy dog. I'm trying to work out if in 6 months I'd feel more guilty if I have kept her or if I haven't and what kind of life she might potentially have in either scenario...

I know keeping her is the easy choice... but is it the best one for her?

suki1964

Nothing any of us say can really help you know - only you can decide that.

Im just struck at how a comment out of the blue has escalated into such a big decision, to me it sounds like that for some time there's been this idea of being dog free in your mind for some time - at some level

But thats just my thoughts and Im not here to judge

When I rehome dogs I cry. It really stresses me. And then when I see them out and about with the new family I get all choked up and teary. And on handing over its so easy to start of with a whole list of does and donts and what s/he likes and doesnt like. I usually have it all typed out - then rip it all up as I have to accept their way may not be my way but its good enough

And although its a bit heart breaking when you see them with their new owners and no longer greet you with the same enthusiasm as they once did, I take comfort in knowing that thier new home is the home they are thriving in.

As I say - only you and your husband can decide

xx

lostinrates

I was an only infant (had adult sibling) and our pets were my playmates. Throught them i learned the repsonsibility of caring for someone whose needs were more immeadiate thn my own, and the vulnerabilty of those unable to voice their interests, & sharing toys, & respecting other ''peoples'' boundaries. Igot regular exercise walking the dogs with my parents, time when we talked, spent time together.

I m a better person for having been brought up along side animals.

re perfect home: there is no perfect, only as best as we can be. Best for your dog might well be having a human puppy about to care for, with you, despite the other comprimises.

UKTigerlily

Wow. Ok, well, I think Kira should stay where she is, of course I don't live with you but if you'd not even considered it until yesterday or whenever, you can't want to rehome her & I am sure she's happy with you & moving her again will only confuse her. Also, if I remember, she's from the RSPCA, so would need to be rehomed through them, or they'd need to have your friend apply for her?
If in a few years, you maybe had a second child & Lexi wasn't getting as much attention, you wouldn't rehome her, so IMO the dog shouldn't be either. (JUst my opinion), I doubt she cares about having two cats or less walks, it's her home, you're her family & look at kids, the happiest kids aren't necessarily the ones who have all the toys & so on, but the ones that are loved in a secure home. I don't think you should do it, what if your friend then ends up in the same situation?

MrsTinks

I can firmly say that I know she won't end up in the same situation But you'll just have to take my word for that
Whilst rehoming my daughter is tempting (especially at 4am in the morning ) then a child and a dog are 2 very different things... I love the beast to death, and it's because I love her that I am even entertaining the idea...
(For what it's worth - RSPCA have actually already home checked them but the dog in question fell through so I know they'd be "fine" with them as a new home)
I'm going to speak to my mate this afternoon and see what they think and then think it over before making any decisions... I've been walking round the house looking at everything thinking "what if she wasn't here..." and I know I'd be terribly sad to start with but also that I would be ok with it IF it was the right thing for her...
But that's the question... would it be?

Would it be more selfish to keep her or to let her go to an extreemly good home - one where I know she'd be very happy and very loved and probably get a lot more exercise and walks and attention than I will be able to give her for the next few years...
If I was able to stay at home there would be no doubt in my mind, but in 3 months I have to return to full time work... so realistically she'll be on her own (bar the dog walker taking her out at lunch for 45 mins) for 8-9 hours if not longer... If she was a laid back, low energy dog with a chilled look on the world and in need of only low amounts of exercise it would be a no brainer... but this is a dog that should be getting at least an hour and a half walks a day... Wouldn't it become more a case of having a dog because I like the wet nose and cuddles and to walk her at the weekend... and not because the dog would be better off with us?

YorkiePud_3

I know this is going to come across as upsetting, and I swear I don't mean any offence at all by it, I promise you that .... but I can't believe how you've suddenly had this thought pop up out of the blue and how quickly you're considering acting on it!!

As I say, I am not trying to cause trouble and I don't want to upset you ... I fully understand how things are going to be hectic for you but we all have busy lives and things happening that take up our time yet thinking about giving our pets to our best friends would be the last thing in our minds.

I think it must have been playing on your mind for some time ... and as I say, I do understand how chaotic and fraught things can get with children too, but the households I have been in that have had kids of all ages and pets have been happy, (if somewhat manic at times!!) but the pets have enhanced the lives of the children instead of hampering them or causing any problems.

My parents got a dog when I was one year old ... a Jack Russell (not the best option really for a child my age back then, I admit!) but that dog was my best friend ... when I was sad, he was the one who sat with me ... when I was bored he allowed himself to be dressed in baby clothes, picked up and put in my doll's pram and he was wheeled around the streets like that.
In fact, when people said, "oooh, let me have a look at your baby, sweetheart," I can still recall the look of shock on their faces when they pulled back the cover and there was old Toby laid there snug as a bug!!

Yes, there were times I went too far with him and I got a strict telling off but I was brought up learning how to look after him, how to love him and care for him. Kids (and pets!) soon learn the boundaries and co-exist peacefully ... I can truly say that our household was all the happier for him being in it, even though I was so young when he first came.

But, not to sort of knock back your thoughts and feelings ... I think it is lovely that you would ONLY ever consider your friend as foster-Mum for your dog ... too many people just dump their pets on anyone ... but I also know that you would have to have a hardened heart to do it and to live with that decision, regardless of whether it was for the best or not and, from reading some of your posts, I don't think you are the sort of person who could come to terms with doing that ... I would hate for you to regret it afterwards ... I know I would cut my right arm off before I let any of my friends (who I trust 100%) have any of my pets ... even though I know I could count on them to care for them my pets know me and know my house as home ... they know our own silly games and routines .. omg, what would they think if they were suddenly taken away and had to live elsewhere?! (Ok, so I am probably too soft thinking that!! *L*)

As everyone has said though, it's your decision ... nobody could blame you for choosing either way to go ... but I would love to wait and see how much exercise that little doggie will get running round and playing chase when the baby starts racing round the place!!
Oh it would be absolutely manic, you would tear your hair out on a regular basis and wonder what has hit ... but the house would be full of laughter and fun ... and as much as you want to give your friend the gift of a loyal companion I think you would be losing out on so much yourself if you did ...

A really tough decision and I think you have been soooo brave to post about it because so many people would automatically bristle and think "oooh, she just wants shut of the dog" ... but I can understand the ins and outs ... just do one thing ... am not trying to preach at you in any way when I say this, but please, just do this ... take your time in deciding ... don't rush into something without giving yourself the time and space you need to come to a decision.

If your friend is interested in taking your doggie, why not let her take the dog for a weekend ... see if the dog settles and how you are, but on the proviso that it isn't permanent and if either of you are unhappy with it (the dog or you, I mean), then you have the dog back home ...

It's such a difficult situation ... I really hope that whatever decision you come to will be the best for both you and your little dog *S*

*zippy*

After the birth of my first baby, my parents had our dog for the first few weeks after I brought the baby home to make it a bit easier for me and we never had him back as he was obviously happier with them. He adored my Dad anyway as he walked him for us and he settled with them straight away, it wasn't planned, but it worked out for the best.

On the other side of the coin though we were asked to take a friends dog a few years ago as she had gone back to work full time and felt guilty, we didn't have him, but another couple did. A few weeks later though she missed him so much she asked for him back and I know it caused a lot of upset as they were attached to him by then.

I don't think you are being selfish either way, you are doing the right thing in really thinking about it, if you are still unsure then hold on until you are. Is there any way you could increase the dog walking to say two good walks a day or could a taking him to a day pet sitter be an option?

Best of luck with your decision x

UKTigerlily

Some good advice above! Just wondering, and i'm sure you've thought of this, but who's having the baby & could they have Kira too? Some dogs would be ok with being alone in the day, my Cousin has a GSD & she's alone all day other than when whoever lets her out for a wee & she just sleeps apparently. There will always be a better home for any dog, but there isn't another like your home. A month after getting Chaya we bumped into her old Owner's Sister & Chaya went nuts to get to her & I felt terrible that i'd taken her away from owners she obviously loved.
If the dog could speak, what would she want? I bet she'd want to be with her family. I always have doubts about Chaya & know she could have a better home, then I think she could also do much worse, she's loved, fed & warm etc
Giving her to your friends doesn't mean their situation won't change, they might end up with an unplanned pregnancy (Never say never, even supposedly infertile people can end up with them & i'm not saying she is infertile, just it can happen!), they may have to move somewhere that won't accept dogs (Recently happened to someone I know who lost their home through no fault of their own) & so on, of course things may change for you too, but right now there's no need to rehome her.
Maybe you could let the friends look after her during the day while you're at work? Could they drop her home a few hours before you arrive home? Could you find a free dog walker to walk her a second time a day? (I met my dog sitter from a free website & she's a retired lady in the village who can't have a dog of her own so dotes on Chaya & no payment can be exchanged)
I think I saw you say before that you or OH work from home sometimes? Could you work from home a couple of hours a day? Would a neighbour be willing to drop by & sit with her for a while? I'm sure you've thought of all of this, just ideas, I do agree it's brave to post & be honest with things x

MrsTinks

Thanks all... I was fully expecting a lot of different views and that's why I posted As some of you know - this is I guess somewhat out of character for me... "getting rid" of my dog is not something I'd normally consider and I've been turning it over and over and over in my head since yesterday when the idea first came to me... I say idea because I don't know what else to call it...
Letting my friend or someone else look after the dog isn't a possibility - I live 15-20 mins away and when I return to work I'd be working in the direct opposite direction - so it would add 40 minutes to my journey either end of the day not counting traffic. My daughter will go either to nursery or a child minder - I am pretty sure that dropping an insane collie cross off at the same time won't be a welcome idea
Working from home is about to change - (provided I have a job at all!) as work has recently been taken over and there is NO home working by policy - another contributing factor to my concerns for leaving her all day - it won't be a "she might be on her own a few days a week" it'll be a "She WILL be on her own 5 days a week" moving forward... Add the extra time of dropping off and picking up my daughter from her day care arrangement and it soon adds up in hours she'd be left with little company...
Chaya in all fairness has you most of the day and she's not an insane collie cross who'd probably prefer running in the fields all day given half a chance...
Their house is secure as is my friends income - if anything it's only going to go up as she gets promoted (RAF - just returned from duty and it's her last tour) and they know they can cope on the one salary if the worst happens - infact they have an investment property they could sell should the need arise...

Until yesterday and today I'd never sat down and thought about what my works refusal to be very flexible would mean for everyone but me and the baby to be honest, maybe I didn't want to think about it? There also isn't really anyone I can leave her with during the day - doggy daycare WOULD be cripplingly expensive and there aren't any near here and there are no people I know at home all day able to take her (she's a young persons dog... I wouldn't feel happy with anyone not very mobile trying to walk her just in case... she's a strong dog and if she got too excited she might jump up or accidently drag someone into the street - not a risk I'd be willing to take...)

As for going nuts to see me if she left - she goes nuts seeing ANYONE As I said - she's a rubbish guard dog She even tries to jump into the arms of the window cleaners who I'm sure she should be telling off for washing the windows... daft mutt...

I think I will speak to hubby again tonight - discuss most of all what we'd do when I go back full time (provided that work agree to my flexible working request - if they don't then I'd have to job hunt and we're talking a whole new ballgame here...) and what changes that would mean to the dogs life... she's now used to having me at home all day - would suddenly being left on her own again all day (not counting the lunch walk) be cruel on her? Crueller than rehoming her with someone who she'd be with 95% of the time if not more?

Yes we're her family but when we've been away she's gone to stay at friends and whilst she may miss us she's certainly not wilting away in a corner... And by the time we collect her she's kinda "oh it's you? well I'm busy playing can you not come back later? No? Oh alright then!" *bounce bounce bounce*
Would she pine? 99.9% certain the answer would be no - I'd in a weird way love to say yes but that's just not her - she loves everyone too much and so long as she has company she'd be a happy camper...

Now if only hubby could get a huge promotion and I could stay home with both the baby AND the dog it would be SO much easier

lostinrates

Hey, Mrs Tine, its not just elderly people who could volunteer to dog walk!

i walk 7-8 dogs belonging to neighbours. I'm thirty and a ''resting'' animal professional and daughter of a retired dog breeder! I've been doing this for ...about 18 months, and will do it till i leave here. Some other neighbours of mine can't have a dog because they travel a lot, but they love walking and dogs, so when they are home they perk up the life of one of their friends' dog by having it through the day.

It might be possible to find, through your vet for example, someone else who works, and between you you might manage a longer walk each through the week, one with the kids, one with the dogs alternately....and make a new firend at the same time.

Could your friends looking perhapd help out by doggy day caring tll their dog is found? Get them into the swing of things and help you through a work transition period?