need some advice :(

klee1505

Hi guys,

bassically my OH works nights. last night i took him to work and he told me he had left his phone at home on the way to me taking to work. obvoiusly every one knows whats coming when i got home i stupidly looked through his phone ( i know i shouldnt have before any one says that i know it was wrong) bassically i saw something i shouldnt have or something that shouldnt be there.
he was texting someone from work extremley rude stuff to her, stuff he would never say to me and never has. bassically i confronted him this morning and he has gone mental saying that it is my fault for going through his phone and is blaming me for it. he doesnt seem like he is even bothered. we have been together for 3 years and i thought he cared more than this. i walked out this morning and ended up going to y parents for the morning before work and will probally be going there tonight to get away,
i just dont know what to do

hot.chick

I wouldn't appologies for going through the phone, sometimes human nature takes over and to be honest sometimes you feel the need to look at these things because u are suspicous.

And if you had found nothing then perfect...

However you did.

He should be appologising for disrespecting you and sending rude texts to someone else, after all suggestive flirting and texting is one step on the road to cheating, how long would it take before he had both feet on this road?

If he can't see this I'd be worried...

Good luck sorting it all out.

neneromanova

That sounds exactly like my nan and granddad. He left all his love letters in the car which he knew my nan drove, she found them and he now lives with his mistress.

I can't think of any other reason he would leave his phone at home, tell you it's there, unless he wanted you to find the texts?! It's natural for a woman to do these kind of things. I for one can proudly say I did and found out my ex had been "keeping his options open" (his words, not mine) ever since we had started dating.

His loss though as he's never seen his gorgeous daughter (again, his choice, not mine) :beer:

busiscoming2

You need to speak to him again to find out exactly what is/has been going on and what he and you both want to do about it.


On a practical level if you decide to split you have to think about your home, is it owned jointly or do you rent? Who is going to leave etc?

klee1505

we live together we are renting together at the moment.
i have appoligised like straight away for going through the phone becausei know i shouldnt have i know that but obiovously curiousy got the better of me

he hasnt appologised what so ever which is really getting me down im going home after work to try and talk to him but it just feels like hes having non of it

blossomsuz

Ditch him chick.

He should be on his knees begging your forgiveness, not having a go for looking through his phone.

Hes obviously been behaving oddly for you to think of going through his phone.

Obviously I dont know you or him but he sounds like a manipulative so and so and you would be better off without him in your life.

Big Hugs

Pollycat

klee1505 wrote: »

he has gone mental saying that it is my fault for going through his phone and is blaming me for it.

You know what they say:
'attack is the best form of defence'.
He's gone mental because he's been found out doing something wrong.

It's not you at fault here klee, it's him.

I think at the very least you should get an explanation from him.
I'm assuming that the stuff was sexual - did it sound like he's having an affair with this woman?
You need to find out if it was 'just a bit of fun' (I personally wouldn't find this amusing at all) or if there is something more to it.

Although it will be hard, don't let him browbeat you into thinking YOU are in the wrong.

Good luck.

AlwaysWorking

I had a similar situation with my ex....I still remember word for word what the texts said..they hurt that much. He was angry at me for looking at his phone and made up excuses, blaming me for working too many hours...forgetting that I was working to pay off his debts so we could get a mortgage! Fast forward a year and I find out he's been cheating the whole time and I have to remortgage the new house to give him £30,000+ to get out.

I always look back at that night and wish I'd walked when I first found the texts. The trust was gone, I just loved him and wanted to believe him.

ailuro2

If you trusted him you'd not have looked in the first place. If he's a proper partner in the relationship then there's no need to stop your other half looking at your phone.

As it was, he's been caught out and went on the attack straight away (he probably realised what he'd done while at work and had his answers ready for you!)

Without trust there's no relationship. Do what your heart tells you - is he a cheat or not for sending lewd stuff to a colleague (might be a breach of contract there too, he'd better be careful!) For the other woman's sake I hope she was a willing participant and he's not been harassing her via text (I know itmight seem off the wall but stranger things do happen.)

Best wishes to you, hope it all gets sorted out and you end up with whatever is best for you.

Karen_30

So sorry that you are going through this. You are not in the wrong here, he is and his defensiveness and making it all about the fact that you are actually looking through his phone the issues says a lot.

Go home and speak to him, the fact that he has sent this text doesn't mean there is anything going on but at the end of the day it was rude, personal etc so their familiarity with each other is clear to be able to say/put such things in a text message.

He should be apologising and explaining himself to you. After that it is up to you what you want to do....guess it depends on what he has to say.

Keep your chin up, don't take any nonsence.....you've apologised for going throught he phone but at the end of the day if you didn't you wouldn't have known exactly what he was doing....

Take care x

klee1505

AlwaysWorking wrote: »

I had a similar situation with my ex....I still remember word for word what the texts said..they hurt that much. He was angry at me for looking at his phone and made up excuses, blaming me for working too many hours...forgetting that I was working to pay off his debts so we could get a mortgage! Fast forward a year and I find out he's been cheating the whole time and I have to remortgage the new house to give him £30,000+ to get out.

I always look back at that night and wish I'd walked when I first found the texts. The trust was gone, I just loved him and wanted to believe him.

thats exactly how i feel i mean the woman he is texting is pregnant and she has just got married to make it worse , in my head i know he wont cheat on me but then to me this is just as bad as cheating. the pain i was feeling last night was unreal i just didnt know what to do