Don't know anymore

DVardysShadow

Ames wrote: »

I think you've misunderstood - it was the Atos doctor who asked if she wanted to kill herself, not one of the voices.

I think that who it is is not important. It is not unknown for voices to attach themselves to real people.

Ames

Maybe, but it's a pretty standard question to be asked at an atos medical when you're there for mental health problems.

Frith

Hello, Elfen.

I just thought I would tell you about my experience, so you would know you are not alone.

I have had bad depression twice (thanks to having post traumatic stress disorder). I never know when I am "deteriorating" although others do! I have to get really quite ill before I realise something is wrong and then I do something about it. At these times, I think I am alright and think everyone else is mistaken. I really have to trust other people when they tell me that I am ill and need to go back to the doctors.

I see and hear things when I reach that "really ill" point. I hear people talking behind me, or think someone is calling me from another room (say I was sitting in the living room, I would be sure someone was calling me from my kitchen). Luckily, apart from hearing my name sometimes, I can never make out what the voices are saying. I imagine that must be very difficult.

I don't have many hallucinations as such, more that I see shapes out of the corner of my eye, then I turn and there is nothing there. Usually black floaty sort of shapes. Only a couple of times have I seen a "proper" hallucination when I was absolutely convinced there was something there. It is extremely unnerving.

(To any people who don't have these problems, it gives me that horrible, creeped out feeling you get when waking from a really awful dream, that "am I really awake now?" worry!)

As for the wanting to die - in the depth of depression I get that all the time!

The best thing to do is to be honest with your doctor or carer. It sounds like you have a diagnosis and have been getting help but just be very clear with them what you are hearing and seeing and how you feel and they can decide on the very best treatment. When I feel really bad, I find it quite difficult to talk (literally - when very depressed I even slur my words!) so I write it all down and just pass the piece of paper to the doctor.

I've been seeing clinical psychs for quite a few years and have found a continuous low dose of anti-depressants works for me but the experts will find something that works for you.

I seem to have rambled on a bit but I hope this is of some help.

tandraig

i think this is getting too deep. and not helpful to the OP
I have a daughter with BPD and I have not been tested for it as i think the symptoms fit because I am Gemini.
I have taken counselling courses when i worked as a reiki therapist for cancer charity - and even in first course we were told - do NOT ask leading questions! I am assuming, because the poster said so - the question was asked by the person counselling her. but i aimed my answer at asking the OP to look ahead - am reigning in anger here - which is what she needs to do yes? not dwell on questions of killing herself? I am hesitant to post this reply as the Op is obviously feeling fragile - but i will - because i am asking that this post not get derailed like this and that OP gets some support.

tandraig

elfen - if you want to talk Pm me - will help if i can or just listen. I know life is hard right now but it will get easier as you settle in.

Frith

Oh, I didn't think I had mentioned that too much. :-(

tandraig

that goes for you too ACEY - if you need to talk - you are welcome to PM me hun.

Ames

Acey, you didn't, I found your reply very helpful.

I just think that it's got a bit too much into academic/theoretic debate (my fault as much as anyones) rather than being focussed on Elfen's problems.

DVardysShadow

tandraig wrote: »

i think this is getting too deep. and not helpful to the OP
I have a daughter with BPD and I have not been tested for it as i think the symptoms fit because I am Gemini.
I have taken counselling courses when i worked as a reiki therapist for cancer charity - and even in first course we were told - do NOT ask leading questions!

That sounds about right. Initially, I was shocked at the OP being asked. I could have been outraged. But the salient fact is that she is dwelling on it.

I am assuming, because the poster said so - the question was asked by the person counselling her. but i aimed my answer at asking the OP to look ahead - am reigning in anger here - which is what she needs to do yes? not dwell on questions of killing herself?

I think the trouble with looking at the future is that by nature it is a black hole full of questions. It is not a comfortable place to look when you are not confident about the present. By looking at the present, you can find the positives and learn how it relates to the future.

I am hesitant to post this reply as the Op is obviously feeling fragile - but i will - because i am asking that this post not get derailed like this and that OP gets some support.

You have to target that more precisely, because no one here is an expert, even the experts can be criticised - you risk either shutting off discussion altogether or things carrying on any way. It is what will happen if the question is raised on these forums.

Oldernotwiser

You really shouldn't give this sort of medical advice on here; I suggest that you delete your post.