Help me, with my Nephew

Pepzofio

Unless you take out credit with your nephew or open a joint current account then your credit rating will not be affected by his. Credit is attached to the person rather than the address now.

Although taking responsibility for it and clearing the debt might benefit him more in the long term (not only keeping his credit rating in tact but also teaching him budgetting skills and that actions have consequences etc), depending on how much debt he is in, he might want to consider a DRO or bankruptcy so he can concentrate on getting decent qualifications/job.

Yes, insolvency has a long lasting impact on credit, but so do credit problems in general, so if the debt is unmanageable them he may be best off rid of it.

CAB should be able to give him advice specific to his circumstances.

Katie-Kat-Kins

I think if you can help him then you should, I know I would want to be able to make life easier for my nephew if I possibly could, but perhaps it is easier to say that when he's only 8!

Could you allow him to live with you for a limited time only with strict house rules? You could ask him to pay you some board, although it wouldn't be much if he is paying off debt but could ask that in recognition of the fact that he isn't paying his way he does extra chores round the house.

If you don't feel able to have him live with you do everything you can to help him with managing his finances and with finding a better place to live and even suitable employment.

Could he get an evening or weekend job until the work experience turns into a paid job?

Could he find a better place to live that is still cheap? Could you help him find someone who would like a lodger, or a flat share with respectable young people who will be a decent example and not a bad influence?

I think that you could be a massive support to him if you try, even if he can't move in. Maybe arrange a weekly time when he comes over for dinner and you work through some practical things, even more than once a week if possible.

RAS

burnsguitarman wrote: »

I really can see that he has turned a corner and is trying hard to get things sorted although he seems to be ignoring the debt because of his other problems.

He dosen't see Uni as an option now as he would have to resit his A levels. But it is something we keep bringing up.

Hi

Given the financial situation regarding benefits for single people under 25, it is more likely that

1. he has very little spare money.
2. Any contact he has with the creditors has scared the living daylights out of him; they rountinely demand the full sum immediately and refuse monthly payments
3. He is worried that if one creditors starts collecting, they will all come running.


With respect to University, he would not do A Levels, he would do an Access Course, over 1 year or so. Some universities for some subjects would use their own assessments, like written essays or tests.

burnsguitarman

I think we really need to sit down with him and have a good look at his financial situation, The damage to his credit rating has already been done.

TBH I think he is being taken for a ride by this firm, so I'll be surprised if anything permanent comes of it. (Hope I'm wrong though!) With this job he dosen't get back until 8ish so an evening bar job is out, maybe weekends but it would need to be local as he has no transport.

He's looked into funding from other organisations to get into writing for the film industry, which apparently he has a real talent for.

I think the idea of maybe a couple of days and nights a week may be a start, then he still has somewhere to go back to if things don't work out.

We have looked at the council and private renting for him in the past, but his financial history doesn't help!

daska

TBH I think if it were my nephew I'd give him the chance to show what he's capable of. Strict house rules but lots of TLC, lots of mollycoddling, and lots of practical help sorting out his problems such as debt management, counselling etc. He's quite possibly looking to you as a substitute mum and subconsciously hankering after the childhood he wishes he had and IMO it wouldn't hurt to let him have that luxury for a while.

Make sure you don't overlook your own support needs in supporting him, he may go through phases of extreme anger and hurt while recovering which you need to make sure you're prepared for as well.

zenmaster

Sounds to me like you respect him for his efforts and believe in him which will help with his own self esteem. It's a shame his mother doesn't feel the same way.

How about an initial 3 month period? That would at least give him a stable base for Christmas and some optimism for the new year. And definitely point him towards the DFW board.

Two things spring to mind though. Firstly, if his job doesn't work out, then he may be hanging round the house for long periods if he isn't working. Secondly, once he is under your roof, it will probably be even more difficult for you to turn him out if necessary.

tandraig

my heart is telling me that you should give your nephew a chance - you obviously believe in him and tbh no matter how easygoing your OH is surely he would have indicated in some way if he REALLY didnt want your nephew to live with you?
my head tells me you will have to make it a trial period with strict ground rules. I dont mean curfews or anything silly like that - but that he deals with his debt (others have advised well there) and doesnt incur more.
he sounds like a nice lad who hasnt dealt with rejection well and it must have taken an awful lot of courage (or desperation) for him to ask to live with you.
my heart does go out to him.

burnsguitarman

Yes these are my fears. I do't think I could cope with him around all the time, if he wasn't working, we also go to our caravan most weekends so it would he would be alone. At the moment I take advantage and turn everything off, so saving gas and electric (true MSE) if he were at home I would probably use a lot more.

tandraig

in my experience (and yours i am sure) most lads his age spend their free time more out than in.
I understand your worry about your weekends away tho - this could be part of the strict rules hun, no mates in house when you arent there for example. and tell him how nosy the neighbours are!
If his room had all the mod cons - would you see him much? in six months you may be complaining he is like a ghost in the house! he has had some independence so i am sure he wont be treating you like a hotel with hot and cold maid service!
just start as you mean to go on if you decide to let him stay. then, I hope things would work out for both of you. perhaps you can make it clear its only until he can get set up on his own?
best of luck hun

burnsguitarman

I really appreciate all you advice and views, it helps to see things from different sides. I must add that my parents have always helped and supported him as much as possible, I think him knowing that he has always been loved and cared for by us, has probably helped him from giving up all together.

I think I'm going to invite him to stay maybe a couple of nights, and maybe at weekends when we aren't away.

I have had him here for a few weeks, a couple of times before, and he's really no trouble.