"Bullying" on the forum

thriftlady_2

ceridwen wrote: »

Now - has anyone got any constructive suggestions please as to how to ensure this never happens again?

I expect that once those people who have been sending unpleasant pms stop doing so the problem will be resolved.

I suspect that this thread has wondered off topic because a few posters are simply enjoying a well argued debate. True, it would probably be more at home on the discussion board but I see no unpleasantness or any reason for anyone to get upset.

Bitsy_Beans

Having read the latter pages it's clear to me that a little bit of tact would be in order. Its one thing to respectfully ask someone to refrain from txt spk or space their replies better to make them easier to read but quite frankly anything else isn't any of my business or anyone elses.
When I am out and about I don't correct anyone else's proununciation (sp!) or turn of phrase (eg can I lend instead of can I borrow) except my kids. Its just plain rude and comes across as nothing more than a put down. So why is it suddenly necessary for people to do it via the boards? Grit your teeth and bear it or go read something else. Many people who post are desperate, at the end of their tether and not looking for a lecture on the best way to type something. I have far more respect for those that use please and thank you and are polite than those who are abrupt but grammatically perfect.

I ain't known for calling a spade a digging implement but I can at least appreciate that how you phrase things is key to a positive response via the forums.

Sooooooo any chance we can stop nit picking and get back to talking about lentils :rotfl::rotfl:

Bunny200

I suppose it all depends what is the bullying mentioned on this forum.... if we could have an example, with names/identifiers removed so that we have a feel for what is considered abuse. Naming no names.

As ThriftLady said above this has turned into a debate about semantics, grammer etc but maybe thats what the OP is talking about. If we are talking about personal sustained abuse then I absolutely agree that it needs to stop but if its crossed wires and pedantic person vs sensitive person then thats a different matter.

I think it would help the discussion if we had an idea of how systemic the bullying is. As I mentioned many many many pages ago (!) I'm sometimes surprised how easily some people take offence and thats not to belittle any hurt that the original complainant to the BG felt but maybe some posters wouldn't in a million years think they were bullying someone until its pointed out to them.

So in the interests of actually solving this problem rather than going round and round in circles, some examples of what IS bullying would be helpful so we can adjust our approach to posting and generally be more sensitive and respectful.

soappie

Well said Bitsy.

BTW - what's the OS way of nit picking? Is it still a fine toothed comb? I have a lovely recipe for lentil soup if you like

I apologise for going off topic about the grammar and things but it was deliberate in my case and I wouldn't normally go so far.

However, I saw it as an essential exercise to show how, sometimes, people can become so entrenched in their position that the tone of a thread can change completely and be perceived as, perhaps bullying or as a minimum unpleasant which can scare some people off. That's why I "rested my case" before I went to bed.

I think we should ALL consider how and what we post before posting and, if there's any chance of it being perceived as hurtful, bullying or accusing then adjust it or don't write it at all.

Another option is for there to be a very carefully monitored "I feel bullied because..." thread where we could all learn from concrete examples. But, I guess that would be too dangerous...

ETA and well said Bunny

Mistymaid

Yeah but ... is the gun only a gun if it's towed behind a Landrover - I mean, if I tow it behind my Fiesta is it suddenly not a gun anymore????

See, this is what happens if we all become pedants:rolleyes:

Just out of interest, the figures used to state that 10% of the adult population in the UK had literacy/numeracy problems. Most of it, I found, due to confidence issues. If you just point out people's mistakes without taking time to explain exactly how to resolve the mistakes, then you aren't helping anybody at all. In fact it's just demeaning.

Anyway, this is a forum, not a CV and i cn typ hw i lik.

ceridwen

:o_pale_ - am actually seriously wondering if any time an inappropriate remark is made one could do the "smiley" equivalent of what happens ITRW - ie the embarrassed/shocked facial expressions.

...wanders off thinking "there doesn't seem to be a standard MSE icon for 'beating a hasty retreat' if the comments persist - ie the MSE equivalent of an instant change of topic of conversation OR put a distracted look on one's face + and find an excuse to wander over to some nearby person.

*********************************************

I think one way to deal with inapproriate comments might be to quote the bit from the post concerned (so it can't be edited out later by the poster) and then those two icons, eg.


<<<<<<<<quote>>>>>>>>>>>_pale_:o

and, if it persists, then perhaps the nearest "smilie" for a "distracted look appears on face" + followed by the "make excuses and walk over to nearby person" would be:

<<<<<<<quote>>>>>>:cool: "walks away......"

Just one thought as to how to do the nearest one can to imitating an ITRW response to inappropriate comments.

*****************************************************

(and definitely - no-one BUT no-one should ever throw comments to and fro in PM's about intimating that someone is falsely claiming benefit money they aren't entitled to or hunting them down elsewhere on t'Internet and reporting them to the DWP for a bit of harrassment............THAT is VERY VERY BAD CONDUCT INDEED - no matter who is saying this to or about who). That is way out of order for anyone to do anything like that ever - and has happened to various different people to my knowledge.

OrkneyStar

patchwork_cat wrote: »

Well on reading Andrea's post, I though, No OS is friendly on the whole, however this thread has made me change my mind!

No there isn't bullying persay on this thread, but lack of tolerance definately. For crying out loud , first agreeing to diagree over quite a few pages, now grammar! I have a particular bugbear when people say of instead of have, but honestly.

I feel bad about propagating any OT discussion, afterall I first introduced the phrase 'agree to disagree' on here, so will apologise once more for that. I am not about to apologise for any of the subsequent dissecting of grammar etc as I have nought to do with that! .

Edinburghlass_2

Triker wrote: »

Do you know what, life is too short for this.

There are members on this board who are going through hell, through circumstances or poor health, some are terminally ill.

Supporting each other through thick and thin should be what its about, tips, support and advice given freely with no conditions.

Can't we just keep the ethos of what its supposed to be about, helping in other in tangible or intangible ways, moneysaving or otherwise.

Please. x

:T

One point re pm's, they are exactly that private messages and should never be reproduced or discussed on the forum. Ceridwen if you have received such pm's about benefits then report it to abuse, if as you state its only "to my knowledge" then a 2/3rd hand story is nothing to do with you and should not be discussed here or any board on MSE.

Board Guide's have absolutely no access to anyone's pms and Admin too will never monitor or check people's pm's as again they are private messages.

As for the grammar pendant, pop down to Discussion Time and I'm sure you can discuss users' bad grammar to your hearts content but until MSE brings in a rule that people can only post if their grammar, spelling is perfect then I'm afraid you need to live with it

Edinburghlass_2

soappie, my 18 year old daughter is turning OS and just yesterday I got her a new blender, I'll have your lentil soup recipe please!

JenniO

I had no idea there was bullying on the OS forum. I have, however, read every reply to this thread and as the 211th poster I can clearly see who is irritating the hell out of me. And I could see how this particular poster could be hurting other people's feelings.

If there is an ignore button so I never have to see this poster's replies again will someone please tell me?