Do I kick him out?

mummy_Jay

You are obviously not happy.

He has already cheated on you once and come out with a pathetic excuse, you gave him another chance and he started something with some one on the net, you forgave him again!!!!!! How many chances are you going to give him?

This is eating at you, whether he's doing anything this time or not, you are always going to doubt him and I doubt you will ever trust him again.

This man is a manwh*re plan and simple.

Get out before this chips away at your confidence, you deserve someone who really loves you, rather than uses you as some convenient pit stop.

Gavin83

Atomised wrote: »

Be brave and talk to him tonight , tell him what you know and decide what to do next.

But she doesn't actually know anything. If she wants to end it she's best telling him she isn't happy anymore and asking him to leave. She tried to forgive him for the previous episodes and clearly isn't able to. If she sits there and suggest things she may know, he'll just deny it, regardless of if anything is happening or not.

Unlike many on here though, I think it's quite honest and a good thing he has mentioned the previous affairs. He could have quite easily have kept it to himself. Would you rather a partner admitted to previous mistakes or was honest about them?

Errata

and me suggesting he left if he wasn’t happy with ‘us’, he told me this was just a ‘glitch’ and put it down to simple ‘curiosity’ and promised it wouldn’t happen again.

A 'glitch' is when you hit two keys on the keyboard accidentally, 'curiosity' is what happens when you check something on Wiki. Neither of those two words can reasonably be accepted for faffing about on dating sites from someone in a new, close and loving cohabitation.

ailuro2

I've thought some more about your situation...

When you find out he's given you an STI (e.g. chlamydia,a commonly symptomless one that can leave women infertile) will he say that's a glitch aswell?

When he has to pay for a child he fathered while he was with you, out of the household budget, will that be a 'glitch' and something that won't happen again.

You might trust him to wear protection, but you don't trust him to do anything else, and he's proven he has a tendency to 'get carried away' as it were, so I'd sit him down and talk to him now, and find out whether you can go on from here or not, BEFORE you catch something horrible from him.

new_day_2

I feel calmer today, and Its madness I know, but now you are all giving advice, and most of it telling me to get rid of him, I feel I want to defend him Apart from this issue, the relationship is the best one I have ever had and I don’t want to give up on it unless he has been unfaithful. Love is not rational and I cannot just switch off how I feel about him.

I haven’t talked to him yet as he hasn’t replied to the message I sent via the dating site, his profile page states he hasn’t logged in for 3 days and he had plenty of chance to do so at the weekend, so maybe he isn’t that serious.

A member of this site has suggested by PM that perhaps it IS simply curiosity. He actually used window shopping to coin a phrase, says he might just be seeing who else is out there, having a look, perhaps a chat, but it won’t go any further as its his way of reaffirming he is with the right person. Does that seem familiar to you other males out there, is this something you do?

Whilst I feel sure the profile on the dating site is him, I also feel sure that he hasn’t met up with anyone (and yes I realise there could be a ‘yet’ there) so I will continue to play detective until I get the proof I feel I need. I’m hoping he will respond with his email address or his mobile number, to remove any doubt that it may not be him.

He is fully aware I don’t trust him, we had a long discussion when I discovered the initial profile 2 months ago, and having given him every option then to walk away from me if he wasn’t happy and didn’t love me, he chose to stay. Why would a person stay when they had a no hassle get out option if they were unhappy.

I’m so grateful for everyone who has taken time to read my ramblings and reply to them, other people’s opinions and advice are very helpful to me. I will continue to bide my time and will make a decision when/if its necessary. Some of you have said he will make me ill, but for the hour or so a day I get doubting thoughts, the rest of the day is good, so I will cope as best I can until the outcome.

Knowledge is not always good I guess, lots of men are likely to be doing a similar thing and their wives/partners blissfully unaware, until I happened upon the undeleted browsing history I too would be unaware anything was amiss.

Errata

A member of this site has suggested by PM that perhaps it IS simply curiosity. He actually used window shopping to coin a phrase, says he might just be seeing who else is out there, having a look, perhaps a chat, but it won’t go any further as its his way of reaffirming he is with the right person. Does that seem familiar to you other males out there, is this something you do?

Perhaps the 64 thousand dollar question is - is this something YOU do ? If you don't, ask yourself why and what is it that makes your attitude different to his ?

Why does he stay? Leaving wouldn't be a no hassle option. He'd have the hassle of finding somewhere else to live that was as nice as your house; he'd have to cook his own meals; do his own laundry; do all the housework. Sometimes it's easier to stay and put up with something that has turned out to be a bit less than rose-tinted perfection.

Pee

You have to remember that you have a choice here. It is up to you. You can stay with him and either get used to this behaviour or at least your fear of what he is up to or you can get rid and move on. Whilst we might all be saying get rid, this is a common knee jerk reaction but not what the majority of women do in practise.

I think trust is very important, but I'm a bit younger than you and without children, you say he is good with your teenager and I would say that is very important in a relationship - if he was completely honest but had no patience and was always shouting at or moaning about your teenager, I don't suppose you'd be asking the question - he would have already left.

As long as you remember the choice is up to you, you are the strong one and in control.

None of us know whether his good points equal or exceed his bad points. It seems likely that as he has cheated before he will cheat again and you obviously don't trust him. That is a big deal, but how do you feel about being on your own, how do you feel about your teenager knowing about any affairs and the affect that may have on them forming long term relationships in the future...

Bethankim

All good advice and only you can make the decision. However to throw something into the mix.

2 weeks ago the love of my life moved out,not because he wanted to but because i asked him too. I love him dearly and miss him horribly, but it was the right thing to do. I had no worries about him cheating, however despite all the lovely things, and the way on a good day he makes me feel. I made an adult choice, made after long thought and soul searching.

Whe did i ask him to go, because despite all the loveliness - i was unhappy and knew deep down there were things i could not change about him, only he can that unless he got honest with himself and me we had no chance. the things he is not honest about are not only things like money they are also out our moral code, how we see the world.
Im a big picture kind of woman and he is small detail.at times we drive each other mad and at others work well.

Ultimately its his mental health, his lack of ability to face things and talk about whats really going on that made me decide i cant save him, i cant do it for him. So as hard as it was it is the best thing for us to live apart.

Im hoping the old adage is true if you let someone go and they truly love you they will return. I am hoping that as he goes on his journey to find himself and fix things he may still loveme and may still want a realtionship..i am content to wait for now but not forever.

I may look back and think he taught me how to love, but we were never meant forever i dont know

I miss him like mad, when i see him i get butterflies, i crave to see him..BUT I made the right choice for me, I could not live with a man who was not able to be part of a partnership who i carried emotionaly and finacnialy..

If you are so filled with doubt, and mistrust..are you being true to yourself by staying with him because you love him..love should be easy and in a truly happy and fullfilled relationship it is

either you need to work on yourself and get honest about why you fear he cheating and the detective bit belittles you and your strength..or you accept how it is..but a choice needs to be made one way or another..if you dont you may end up alone or unhpappy anyway because you now mistrust your relationship.

I hope you can amke the right choice for you

consultant31

New_day: my daughter's ex FIL was (is) a serial philanderer. His wife colluded with him by allowing it to happen and doing nothing to stop it. Their son is now my daughter's ex husband since it appears he thought women should be happy just to have their OH come home every night and not try to stop them having a bit of extra marital.

He broke my daughter's heart, but my God, was he shocked when she up and told him to clear out the first time she found out he had cheated.

I blame his mother and his father for teaching him bad values.

Have some pride - you're worth more than that. He will break your heart over and over till you either kick him out or become a weak and needy woman who will put up with anything to keep him!