Do I kick him out?

new_day_2

I’ve been living with someone for a few months who I hoped I would spend the rest of my life with. On the surface he is everything I want from a man, caring, respectful, tolerant of my grumpy teenager etc, over and above the fact for the past 2 years I have thought the sun shone out of his rather nice bottom.

Despite the fact he regularly tells me he loves me, I don’t think he can because in August I was devastated to discover he had joined a dating site and was messaging other women (silly man hadn’t deleted his browsing history). After talking things through, no rows or accusations, we are both 40something so can talk without raging at each other, and me suggesting he left if he wasn’t happy with ‘us’, he told me this was just a ‘glitch’ and put it down to simple ‘curiosity’ and promised it wouldn’t happen again.

For the past couple of weeks I have noticed similar odd behaviour, similar to that in August, he disappears onto the computer to ‘check his bank balance’ or ‘google something’, plus his mobile has rang a few times and he doesn’t answer because its an ‘0800 number’. Every time I go out he wants me to call as I’m on my way home, if I don’t (I don’t lol) when I get home he is ALWAYS upstairs as if he has hastily closed down the computer. I went back home unexpectedly one morning as had forgotten my lunch, I had been out only approx 5 mins and had left him in bed, he was on the computer when I went back!

The browsing history is now set to delete at the close of each browsing session so I have searched the same dating site to see if he is active again. I can’t find the same profile, however I have found one which I feel 99% sure is him, and I have also joined the site and sent him a message to see if I can prove it is him, and discover exactly what his motives are. He has picked up the message, but hasn’t replied!

The stress is really upsetting me, so I am intending to confront him at the weekend when we get time alone, I don’t want my teenager to witness the fall out. A part of me feels whatever he says I should just tell him to leave, he really can’t be happy with me/us, can he? He was unfaithful a few months before we moved in together, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt then because we hadn’t specified what we expected of each other at that time, and he said he had never assumed I was being faithful to him (I was!). He has also admitted in the past that he had 2 affairs whilst married to his wife. I am starting to believe this behaviour is part of his psyche and he will always continue to chase other women, despite the fact he must know how much it hurts me, and that’s not love is it? You simply don’t hurt a person that much if you love them?

So over to you wise people, what do you think/advise? I’m particularly interested in the male viewpoint here as I don‘t have any ‘real life‘ male friends I can ask about this. Am I over-reacting…… do all men do this??? Or is he just a ‘bad ‘un’? Sorry to have rattled on so much

vij

I think you may have answered your own question here, and even if it isnt him, if you cant trust him how can you be happy. Im sorry that things arent loknig great and I wish you all the best. Remember you are the most important thing in the relationship and if you are not happy its just not worth it

dogcat_2

Hes been caught out....simple as that...depends if you are willing to put up with his behaviour...and be happy. It sounds to me like you wouldn't be happy with this...so only one thing to do...

klee1505

how long has itbeen since you sent the message? maybe you should wait a little while and see if he replys to you and what type of things he is saying to the poeple on these websites?
but as everyone else says you have kind of answered your own question

Any

Yes, kick him out.
This man will never be trustworthy, never mind faithfull...

And no, it's not "normal" with men. Some men can have "fall" with horny colleague at work or something (and I don't even believe in getting over that), but your man actually LOOKS for another woman/women.

quietheart

I wouldn't have to think about this one.
Yes, throw him out.
It sounds like he's just waiting for a better offer. Sorry but you need to preserve your self respect and you'll do better without him.

mrcow

Personally I wouldn't confront him at the weekend.

I'd wait and see what the outcome from the dating site is. Arrange to meet or I'd even set up a bogus PAYG. I'd let him dig his own grave......because then, when he starts coming out with as many excuses as he can (ie. it was only a bit of fun, I was never going to do anything etc. etc) you'll see through the lies and won't be fooled.

Bide your time. If he's thick enough, it shouldn't take too long.

new_day_2

Any wrote: »

Yes, kick him out.
This man will never be trustworthy, never mind faithfull...

And no, it's not "normal" with men. Some men can have "fall" with horny colleague at work or something (and I don't even believe in getting over that), but your man actually LOOKS for another woman/women.

Thank you so much ....... very blunt, but by God you are right....... I simply never saw it that way.

neneromanova

A leopard never changes his spots! The fact he's had 2 affairs already with his wife just goes to show!

new_day_2

klee1505 wrote: »

how long has itbeen since you sent the message? maybe you should wait a little while and see if he replys to you and what type of things he is saying to the poeple on these websites?
but as everyone else says you have kind of answered your own question

Message sent yesterday. As another member has suggested I may let him 'dig his own grave' and try and correspond with him/text him as I do have a spare sim. I would then be left with no doubt whatsoever as to his motives.

neneromanova

new_day wrote: »

Message sent yesterday. As another member has suggested I may let him 'dig his own grave' and try and correspond with him/text him as I do have a spare sim. I would then be left with no doubt whatsoever as to his motives.

I would go the hole way and say why don't we meet up. then meet up :rotfl: