Liability Order Application, urgent help plz!

Dancing_Shoes

loobyloo0302 wrote: »

You know, its not even worth going into the rest of whats been said by them to get at me, all I know is that since february, my life is MY kids and my kids only. I am so so tired of trying to please everyone, so I have resided myself to the fact that I am a mother myself, I will look out for me and my kids only as sometimes it just doesn't pay to be nice.

I know exactly what you mean!!
Its all well and good do-gooders telling everyone that ALL the nrp's children should be treated the same but it is a different matter when you are made to feel like an outsider and yes I will be honest when I had my own children there is naturally an instinct and love there that isn't there for my husbands other children. I have yet to speak to a NRPP (not in general just people I know personally) who has been given an easy ride as far as integration with the children is concerned and I think it is very sad because it could have all been so different they could have had my children as their siblings but neither party know each other and are more distant than strangers all because she wanted to hurt us:(

My children have money put aside for college/uni funds, for their first cars and deposits on houses/flats but this was my money and because of her games I haven't contributed to their childrens future (except for smaller savings) as I don't see why I should. Neither their mother nor the nrp have done any savings for them either so not only do they lose out emotionally but financially too:mad:

LizzieS_2

Dancing_Shoes wrote: »

I will be honest when I had my own children there is naturally an instinct and love there that isn't there for my husbands other children.

I honesty believe that to be true for the majority of nrrps (myself included). The pwc side of me knows that the children themselves pick up on those natural instincts, even if there is no problems between the respective families.

chriszzz

LizzieS wrote: »

I honesty believe that to be true for the majority of nrrps (myself included). The pwc side of me knows that the children themselves pick up on those natural instincts, even if there is no problems between the respective families.

That is absolutely right. I personally dont even consider that I am a step mum and I actually said that to my OH children, I explained that they only have one mum and am not a step mum am there friend .

I think they accepted that really well and they became quite close to me and would sit and chat to me for ages , until the pwc changed all that.

shell_542

Dancing_Shoes wrote: »

I have yet to speak to a NRPP (not in general just people I know personally) who has been given an easy ride as far as integration with the children is concerned and I think it is very sad because it could have all been so different they could have had my children as their siblings but neither party know each other and are more distant than strangers all because she wanted to hurt us:(

Now you have

I have had a very easy ride integrating with my step daughter once it happened, from the PWC's side. I think partly, hers is down to guilt though and a stern talking to from her own Mother.

I thought I would find it very difficult getting emotionally close to this little girl for many reasons, it's not been plain sailing, but I think because the PWC isn't trying to use her child to cause difficulties between me and my husband anymore and she doesn't have the feelings that I took her partner and chance of a happy family away from her things are very different for us. I can totally understand how a vindictive ex can cause an NRPP to have difficulties bonding with a child. (Although I also appreciate there are some NRPPs who are solely to blame too.)

Dancing_Shoes

LizzieS wrote: »

I honesty believe that to be true for the majority of nrrps (myself included). The pwc side of me knows that the children themselves pick up on those natural instincts, even if there is no problems between the respective families.

I see what you mean but I was always introduced as a "friend" to them as opposed to a step mum and therefore they never felt my role should have been more motherly. When they used to see us I would always have treated them and protected them as I would my own children but as much as I like them the love you have for your own children in my case was very different. At the end of the day you only have 1 mum and I would have never tried to take their mums place, they saw me more as a confident with things they couldn't tell their mum and dad until the pwc decided that this meant I was trying to "steal" her children:rolleyes:
The problems our pwc has caused means that there is such a distance now that I honestly don't believe it would ever return to how it was which is sad for everyone involved.

I know that there are step parents who feel differently to this but there is no right or wrong answer as someone who isn't their natural parent should be made to feel guilty for not having this bond. As long as the children are treated well by the step parent and made to feel welcome then that is as much as should be expected.

Dancing_Shoes

chriszzz wrote: »

That is absolutely right. I personally dont even consider that I am a step mum and I actually said that to my OH children, I explained that they only have one mum and am not a step mum am there friend .
QUOTE]

Thats how ours was too before she ruined it:(

chriszzz

Dancing_Shoes wrote: »

chriszzz wrote: »

That is absolutely right. I personally dont even consider that I am a step mum and I actually said that to my OH children, I explained that they only have one mum and am not a step mum am there friend .
QUOTE]

Thats how ours was too before she ruined it:(

I never felt guilty about not having a natural relationship, as that belongs to the natural parents. I don't believe my oh loves my son like he loves his own and I think that's only natural.

I think the only way to make it feel as natural as possible is to treat them all the same when they are together. In fact we waited until there weekend with us, before we done any activities and my son got no preferential treatment when my oh children were back at home.

Looking back now I think the only mistake I made was to think I had an extended family who would look see me and my son as apart of their extended family.

Apart from my oh son the girls cut us all out of their lives, if they can send hate-mail to their father what chances did we have on thinking they were apart of us.

Its yet to be seen if they will come looking for their dad, it does not seem like they will be calling in the near future, as my oh...last week foned to speak to his son, his 13yr old daughter answered the fone and shouted to her brother "Its your father". So I think any bond that he had with his girls appear to have been forgotten but hey you can be a pwc and get away with separating your family, only one of the children will get the benefit of two parents and that is his son.

Dancing_Shoes

chriszzz wrote: »

Dancing_Shoes wrote: »

I never felt guilty about not having a natural relationship, as that belongs to the natural parents. I don't believe my oh loves my son like he loves his own and I think that's only natural. That was my point too;)

I think the only way to make it feel as natural as possible is to treat them all the same when they are together. In fact we waited until there weekend with us, before we done any activities and my son got no preferential treatment when my oh children were back at home. Thats what we did (except my children weren't around then)

Looking back now I think the only mistake I made was to think I had an extended family who would look see me and my son as apart of their extended family.

Apart from my oh son the girls cut us all out of their lives, if they can send hate-mail to their father what chances did we have on thinking they were apart of us.

Its yet to be seen if they will come looking for their dad, it does not seem like they will be calling in the near future, as my oh...last week foned to speak to his son, his 13yr old daughter answered the fone and shouted to her brother "Its your father". So I think any bond that he had with his girls appear to have been forgotten but hey you can be a pwc and get away with separating your family, only one of the children will get the benefit of two parents and that is his son.

Why is it just ok for the pwc to split up with the nrp? No-one bats an eyelid then:rolleyes:

chriszzz

Until you have been on the receiving end of a in-human pwc then no one will understand were your coming from, some havent the ability to put themselves in others shoes they can only think of there own experiences and some also just absolutely refuse to believe that there are genuine nrp who are really having the pi55 took out of them :mad:

blimey40

Sorry, just backtracking to previous questions in this post.

The Data Protection Files will have everything they have recorded on you. Not to sure what the CSA 2 cases have, but the older cases are simply clerical.

it shows with mine anyway, them going to credit agencies, local councils and even prison services to locate me. ( a simple phone call would have sufficed). They have wrong details, so no wonder they had problems. That was all back in around 1998-2000, but they done nothing after that until 2008. The system is triggered by arrears when they reach £50,000 and thats why you get an overpayment period attached to it. my case closed in 2004.

The PWC details are blacked out, but it does show attempts to contact the NRP (ie me). In my case, they had wrong work records and never issued the MEF to a correct address in the first place, and once i can prove thats the case, the arrears will be dropped. its taking time, but I think I will have enough evidence when/if it goes to tribunal to show the original Mainteance forms were not issued in the proper manner and that I never ever received them. The figure is based on a IMA and even the CSA clerical department have written on the files, that I "probably" have no idea the IMA was in place and that was back in 2000.

As I said in other threads, I happily paid my ex and daughter directly without ever knwoing the CSA were involved. I stopped paying when my daughter was 18. Obviously the PWC, never informed me or let the CSA know I was paying the money, so she was copping my mainteance and whatever the secretary of state gave her for benefits.