Live on £4,000 for a year - 2009, Part 4

Brighton_belle

Brighton Belle in definitely in for the 2010 challenge please Nyk.

Mooloo - am shocked if SS don't provide any extra money for you. Many hugs at such a difficult situation when you arenot well yourself.
Fab news bails
Frankie:eek: Hope she has learnt her lesson and realised the impact she has on others, it isn't all about her.

Gotta dash: finally got OH to face and deal with his long term financial issues(head in sand syndrome) it has taken me 7 yrs to get him to this point: a lot of patience , determination, stress and belief he was worth it. At last he has agreed to deal with it(or rather, allow me to on his behalf: leaving it all to him isn't an option) But it is now a lot of work to sort out so I am very busy. The end result will be fantastic but the work has to be done first.

FrankieM

Thanks everyone..

FrankieM will be in for next year

thriftylass

Brighton_belle wrote: »

Gotta dash: finally got OH to face and deal with his long term financial issues(head in sand syndrome) it has taken me 7 yrs to get him to this point: a lot of patience , determination, stress and belief he was worth it. At last he has agreed to deal with it(or rather, allow me to on his behalf: leaving it all to him isn't an option) But it is now a lot of work to sort out so I am very busy. The end result will be fantastic but the work has to be done first.

Well done. Can you sent me some of your determination and patients How did you do it? Mine doesn't have major issues (yours sounds bit more serious) but there's a few things I want him to get his head around and change/sort out. I often find it hard to approach this topic as it's his money and we're not married (might never change) but he just doesn't think of the future in financial terms as he lives more for now. I've only been 5 years at it though :rolleyes:

snoppydog

nykmedia wrote: »

Good morning,

Mooloo, thinking of you and hoping everything works out for the best for all of you.

I'm really struggling to make this challenge fit in with such a diverse range of challengees, so I'm making a start on putting the 2010 challenge together and need to know who is in and who is out - if you are joining me in my cost of living challenge next year, please post usernames in BOLD COLOUR so I can easily spot them and add them to the new list that will soon appear in the OS threads.

FrankieM, I just read your post! :eek: Hope whatever problems that brought that about get resolved quickly. 15 is a very awkward age, I think we'll all agree, probably more so because it isn't 16, but I am sure DD must have got a bit of a fright herself when the police were involved.

Hi NYK,

Can I join the challenge please (snoppydog) . Will sort out my budget when finish work this evening. Thanks

whitewing

whitewing in for next year, please (mainly lurking, I suspect)

baby bump wriggling lots, DS is a teenager now (FrankieM, I'm dreading it!) and DH is now naturalised and a very proud moment it was too.

Moneywise, we have just applied for the Health in pregnancy grant so should get that in the New Year maybe. I'm not sure if we'll be able to get the Sure Start maternity thingy. Can you apply if you get more than £545 tax credits a year? I worry tremendously about anything to do with tax credits. I don't even think what we're getting currently is correct. Accountant is looking into it.

OU financial support application is being considered; hopefully we will get a partial award - I don't think we'll get a full one. No matter, DH is really excited anyway about it.

Got to sort out a British passport for DH. He will have to go for an interview, which is a bit of a hassle, but never mind. I will be able to start doing holiday competitions with vigour once he has a current passport!

Have no real target for next year, at the moment, so much will change that I can't get my head around it. Normally I'd worry, but I have decided to 'go with the flow' and just try to keep costs down, rather than try to budget against targets. DH would love me not to work at all, so he definitely doesn't want me to get a part-time job to supplement my self-employment. I am worried about him having two jobs (including extras from my business while I am on a short mat leave), the OU course and a new baby in the house. I am trying to build enough flexibility into our lifestyle that I am prepared to start working on contingency plans if things get too much for him.

Trying to plan some time off in the 3 weeks around Christmas so we can enter the New Year revitalised. We have hospital appointments and midwife stuff a lot though. DH will be working sometimes too, but some will be double pay so that will help.

Still Christmas itself is nearly sorted, and that which isn't is fairly routine and very enjoyable.

We wrote a big list yesterday to take us to the end of the year so I'd better get cracking on with some of it!

Brighton_belle

thriftylass wrote: »

Well done. Can you sent me some of your determination and patients How did you do it? Mine doesn't have major issues (yours sounds bit more serious) but there's a few things I want him to get his head around and change/sort out. I often find it hard to approach this topic as it's his money and we're not married (might never change) but he just doesn't think of the future in financial terms as he lives more for now. I've only been 5 years at it though :rolleyes:

Thanks thriftylass - it is a huge milestone for us to have reached. 2 weeks agio UI still felt we had a huge black mountain to climb, but now I find every tiny action and inching forward over the years has been an act of tunnelling and now the whole mountain has collapsed.
How did I do it....well first of all, I too find it a very difficult subject to approach, we are not married and it it is about his finances, though the longer we have been together the more that has badly impacted me and certainly our future.
But it has still been difficult, and all the more frustrating as there has always been a straightforward solution but my OH has been unable to take that step and the level of fear in him is very real and I have always respected that. I think others may have walked away before now, but it came down to the basic quality of my OH being really sound, lovely and definitely a keeper so I just hung on in there, taking opportunities to make tiny tiny breakthroughs and inching forward, ensuring he adjusted and felt safe with each change before the fional leap for the jugular 10 days ago and all the walls came tumbling down.
In an ideal world, if we are in a trusting and good relationship, we should be able to broach this subject shouldn't we, but life is not always do simple& every relationship dynamic different and we bring to the table differnt family upbringings and life experiences. But how our OH's deal with their finance does impact 'our' future doesn't it so we are entitled to express our needs and hopes. My OH can only think 5 mins ahead as well.

I think small steps in the answer that don't feel too radical or draconian and can be built on when positive results can be seen from those steps. And keep any discussion you start unemotional/strees free so the two things don't get connected in his mid (i.e money talk = ear bashing) while still finding a positive way to express how much this matters to you.

Frugaldom

Hi guys, glad to see so many of you 'out and about' on the boards and already posting your names for next year's challenge. Thank you for your continued interest and support and thanks, mostly, for making my continual moneysaving challenges sound 'normal'. :T Here's my little list as it stands right now. (I'll keep it alphabetical)

1. Brighton Belle
2. CW18
3. FrankieM
4. Glendam
5. Liloandstitch
6. Deleted_User
7. Mama67
8. Nykmedia
9. Snoppydog
10. The_cat
11. Thriftylass
12. Whitewing
13. XSpender

Well done BB, you must feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders at long last. :beer:

I'm thinking that seeing as it's going into the OS threads it should be more about how we spend what we do rather than trying to cover so many different budgets, so I won't inclyde the £4,000 in the title of the new challenge. Instead, we'll just be working out our own cost of living in a way that allows us to clear debt, pay off mortgages or save for whatever it is you are saving for in the future.

The numbers are NOT challenger numbers, these will change as new names get added.

the_cat

the_cat

I'm in for 2010 too please Nyk. Am going for an all-in budget (of scary proportions, but will post figures on new thread) I'm determined that this will be the year I actually FINISH the challenge


Frankie What a horrible experience for you! Hopefully the fact that DD ended up in your car means that along with terrifying you, she scared herself and won't be so daft again. Look after yourself today and get some rest

Mooloo (((((HUGS))))) I'm another who can't quite believe how SS appear to expect you to shoulder the financial as well as the caring 'burden' (sorry couldn't think of the right word) of your grandchild. Is there no form of emergency interim help they can give?

Cat

glendam

Glendam in for 2010

sorry cant do colour

I will be reading and trying my best again next year. My husband is retiring in just under 2 years and I am trying to save all I can now so we can enjoy that time together.
We have 5 adults living here atm so food does cost quite alot but its the frivolous spending I am trying to stop and I now think before I buy anything big.
I think you are all doing great and such an inspiration to me.

Talking of kids going missing once had an argument with 10 year old son after which he did pack a few things in a bag and ran out the door. It was a warm summer day and after he had ran a distance from home was tired and lay down and fell asleep. He was gone till it was going dark as he slept for ages. It is so scary and the things that go through your head mind you he never did it again.
Glad your daughter is back safe.

Glenda

thriftylass

Thanks for the advice Brighton belle. Good to have the baby steps approach confirmed by a success story. I thought the same, a full blown attack or telling him what to do or accusing him of not thinking of us as US in the future will get me nowhere. I definitely see light at the horizon and it's not a major issue either (even if I sometimes make it sound like that). It's just that we have quite different attitudes towards money (at the present and in relation to the future, luckily most of the past is sorted).

Good luck with all the things you need to get sorted.