Family loan - what would you do?

cheepskate_2

ellersb wrote: »

W. If not, then it's hers and she should have made herself clearer.t

You and DH had 2 chances to make yourselves clear when according to you she offered it to you. Did you make it clear to your Mil that it was now not a loan but a gift when she said not to worry.

We all want to hear what is best for us in certain circs. Words can be interpereted so many ways.

Obviously mil did not mean it as a loan and you have taken from her convo that it was without clarifying it. If i was given a large sum as a loan then as a gift , i think i would clarify it properly.

You seem very ungreatfull for the help your mil has given .

springclean

I have to admit that I didn't totally think her comment ''don't worry about paying that money back' was a clear cut case of 'keep it'. I took it more as 'don't rush to pay it back' - and I think that's the problem here, a case of misunderstanding and miscommunication.

I agree with many others, she helped you out, and it's obvious by her comments that she's a bit short that she wasn't exactly rolling in it in the first place.

I know you've gone on to say that you will pay it back, but just wanted to say that I too thought it wasn't just a clear cut case of her obviously gifting you the cash.

daphne_descends

This doesn't add up. If I were you, and was told 'don't worry about it' I think I'd be reminding her of that when asked for money the first time, instead of just paying it?

How much is it in total and how much have you paid?

daphne_descends

And actually I would be asking what 'don't worry about it' means - now? Ever? IMO you should have got clarification there and then - asking 'are you saying we don't owe you any money' instead of just going 'okay' - weird.

ellersb

Just to clarify, we are very grateful for what she did at the time. Of course we are.
When she said 'don't worry about it' this was after out flat had been on the market for a couple of months, it took us a further 10 months to sell it, so there was nothing that spurred on the comment about paying it back at all.
The main reason I'm annoyed is because we both assumed (yes, won't do that again) that as weren't required to pay it back, we could then afford that bit extra to go onto our mortgage, so we did. If we had needed to pay her back, that's fine, but we would have counted for it in our figures.
We'll certainly think twice before borrowing money from family again and get something in writing if we do need to.
Maybe I misunderstood the word 'worry' in that case - I've thought it's 'don't worry about it', as in, 'forget about it' but she's meant 'don't worry yourself about it'.

ellersb

daphne_descends wrote: »

This doesn't add up. If I were you, and was told 'don't worry about it' I think I'd be reminding her of that when asked for money the first time, instead of just paying it?

How much is it in total and how much have you paid?

If it was my mum, I'd have asked the first time as well but I have a very different realtionship with my mum about money (totally open) that my OH and his mum do.
Total was £8k, we've now paid 4.5k.

ellersb

daphne_descends wrote: »

And actually I would be asking what 'don't worry about it' means - now? Ever? IMO you should have got clarification there and then - asking 'are you saying we don't owe you any money' instead of just going 'okay' - weird.

I wish I had, believe me! The timing was completely out of the blue and took me by surprise.
I get the feeling that she's incredibly generous (which she is) but can't actually afford to be as generous as she'd like iyswim.

daphne_descends

You've paid back 4.5 THOUSAND pounds, all the while thinking it was unfair?????

Pay the rest. You have made a mess out of this, but it sounds like you know that. 3.5k not worth a breakdown in relations.

ellersb

daphne_descends wrote: »

You've paid back 4.5 THOUSAND pounds, all the while thinking it was unfair?????

Pay the rest. You have made a mess out of this, but it sounds like you know that. 3.5k not worth a breakdown in relations.

You're right - I think we need to work out a payment thing so it's done and dusted.

daphne_descends

I do feel for you, it mutt be pretty gutting to think it's all resolved then be asked for money. But you're doing the right thing and this way there'll be no years of seething, clean slate and all that