Family loan - what would you do?

ellersb

Wondering if anyone can help?
My MIL lent my OH a sum of money to help with a house purchase situation.
We said that we'd pay her back when we'd sold the house and had the money back, which was fine.
However, during the selling process, she said to me, and to OH separately, 'don't worry about paying that money back'. Very generous, and extremely grateful, obviously, as it's a lot of money and basically all of our profit after selling and buying.
When we sold, she then asked OH when she'd be getting her money back as she was a bit stuck and needed some.
OH, being kinder than me, said he'd sort something out and we paid her half (begrudingly on my part, as we'd written that loan out of our figures). Now she's asked for another £500 of it, as she's stuck again. Now, I'm very tempted, next time she asks, to says in a polite manner 'do you really not remember telling us to not worry about the loan?!' and see what she says?
I'd be very surprised if she's forgotten she said it though. Basically, if she ends up getting all of it off us, we'll end up with nothing as a profit from our house sale.
We're expecting a baby in Feb, so she knows we're keeping a tight watch on what we spend.
Would you say something? I think we should have said something a long time ago, as uncomfortable as discussions about money can be, surely you can't lend someone money, then tell them not to worry about it, and then start asking for it again!?

bestpud

What did you say when she said not to pay it back? And what did your OH say?

It sounds to me as though she may have been saying not to worry about getting it to her instantly (i.e. don't stress while you have the sale and all to deal with), as opposed to saying she doesn't want it at all?

I have to say I find it odd you can talk about profit when it was never your profit.

Times change and perhaps she needs the money as much as you? It is hers after all...

Marcheline

I can understand why you're getting a bit cross with her BUT she did you a massive favour previously and you're coming across as a bit ungrateful. Personally, I would sit down altogether with her and say calmly "we thought you didn't need the money back, so we hadn't budgeted for it, at the moment there is not much chance we can get it back to you BUT, we are totally willing to give it back when we are more able, which we expect to be in x months time". Then I'd pay her back, she did you a favour.

jackomdj

Personally I would let her have it back! Even though she generously said you could have it, she is obviously at a point now where she needs it (it is probably quite hard for her to ask for it).

I think refusing to let her have her money back could cause a family rift. I know as a family we have had money lent to us & we ensured we paid it all back with an element of interest.

Sorry as this is probably not what you wanted to hear.

ellersb

bestpud wrote: »

What did you say when she said not to pay it back? And what did your OH say?

It sounds to me as though she may have been saying not to worry about getting it to her instantly (i.e. don't stress while you have the sale and all to deal with), as opposed to saying she doesn't want it at all?

I have to say I find it odd you can talk about profit when it was never your profit.

Times change and perhaps she needs the money as much as you? It is hers after all...

When she said not to worry, I just looked at her, asked her if she was sure, she said, 'yep, don't worry about it'. similar with OH but didn't hear that exchange myself I don't think.

You know what I mean about profit i.e. money left over with which we can fix stuff in the house that needs fixing. If she wrote off the loan, then surely it's our money. If not, then it's hers and she should have made herself clearer. She definitely didn't say 'don't worry about getting it to me straight away', I'd remember that.

ellersb

I totally see what you're all saying, and I'm up for paying it back, as obviously if she needs it, then that's that and yes, she did us a massive favour, which we are grateful for.
I think I almost want to make the point that the reason we didn't rush to pay it off (we paid off a different smaller loan the day the money went through) was because she said not to worry. But she'll get it, just won't be all in one go now I guess.

madnessandmayhem

I think it's a really dodgy area borrowing large sums of money from family/friends. When we bought our house my fil gave us the money for the deposit and solicitors fees etc-this was an obvious gift and he wrote us a letter as proof as it is to be deducted off my oh inheritance etc etc but if i ever had the money i would give it back to him in a flash and oh has said the same. He seems to thnk it has bought him some sort off power and say with what we do to the house etc About a year ago my oh was looking at setting up his own business and renting a property to have the business attachd to, which would have meant us sell our house and use the equity etc when fil found out he was like 'well if they do that i want that money back' It wasn't an idea i was keen on and i wouldn't have let him do it and luckily he saw sense, but at the same time if WE had thought that was th best thing to do, then why should he have his say-beacause he thinks he has a right as he gave us that money.
If I were you I would just give her the money back saying something along th lines of you would rather give it all back now than not being able to use it in case she needs any more, and thhat you appreciate her helping you out when she did.
good luck!


p.s sorry for the ramble!!

Ivrytwr3

Lots of if's and but's here. I think all 3 of you need to sit down and discuss this.

I think it is ungrateful that you feel she is eating into your profit (even though without her help you wouldn't have any profit!), but i also think it's unfair of her to turn up asking for money back when you though it had since been gifted to you.

Sit down, get it out in the open and you will all be clear on where you stand.

jack*tigger

My tuppence worth is that you give her the money. She did you a favour by lending it to you in the first place. Regardless of whether she said it was a loan or you could keep the money, she needs it now.

Surely it's time you stepped up to the plate and returned the favour (and the money). She did when you needed it. One good turn deserves another and all that.

oystercatcher

I think bestpud is right, she meant don't worry about paying back the moment the sale went through. She obviously wants it back as she has asked and she has every right to have it back, unless you made a written agreement you have nothing to fall back on. Refusing could cause a massive family rift and your expected baby could lose a loving grandparent. For the sake of good family relations just do what she asks and make the repairs etc wait!

We had a loan from my parents many years ago as they thought it was ridiculous to be paying interest on a loan. I found my mother making all sorts of back handed comments about what we were buying and what we could afford. Such as we'd save money if we didn't buy the children chocolate biscuits ! Well I couldn't stand such scrutiny and that money was paid back the moment we could afford it and never ever would I borrow from them again. As said it gives people too much power !

I have seen families who won't speak to each other because of money issues. It's not nice to be like that.
Pay up, all fair and square and then there's nothing to misunderstand !
You'll know not to go there again !

poppyolivia

If someone said 'don't worry about it' to me I would have thougth they meant...'at the moment'...??????