My DD and her 'style'

Amanda65

Welcome to the world of teenage daughters! My DD1 at 12 was the opposite of your daughter in that she was only 5ft and at the time insisted on wearing the most enormously flared jeans (although they were in fashion at the time) that made her look even shorter. Her beautiful thick hair that was a mass of lovely curls was unkempt (thank god for nits - at least I got to brush it sometimes :eek:) and she insisted on wearing combinations including track suit bottoms and a silky handkerchief top.

We've moved on and have been through ridiculously short skirts and dresses that left nothing to the imagination, teamed with horrid scruffy pumps and a year or so of a really orange face when she didn't quite get that make should be subtle and look as thoguh you hadn't made an effort.

She is now 18 and although I think her clothes are still too short, we are getting there. And she's just started Uni on an art foundation course as a pre-cursor to a degree in fashion design (lord help us all when her designs hit London Fashion Week ) And we do laugh looking back at photos as when she has the audacity to ask why I let her go out looking like that, I just look at her!

I would spend time this weekend going through her wardrobe and discarding anything that doesn't fit, with the agreement that you will replace them with something similar but in her size (as long as you can afford to). Nicer new PJ's might not seem quite so offensive :rotfl: and Primark have some lovely 'lounging' sets.

Don't go for high fashion items if she doesn't want to but sititng with her and explaining that clothes that are the right length, size will make her look better and give her more confidence. Good luck though x

RachelW1987

Im 22 and I like to lounge in my PJ's baggy tracksuit bottoms (the primarni £2 grey ones lol) and a little vest. Obvousily I wear Smart clothes to work haha

When I was her age I was a chav and wore Addidas trackies with Rockport boots and a beurghaus coat :rotfl:

Also two toned pants were in fashion with those horrendous lilac fake leather jackets!!! I also used to wear jeans that were scuffed the death on the bottom and my Mam just used to let me get on with it. I cringe now! Me and my friends all used to look horrendous :eek:

I think you should let her forge her own way and find out what she wants to be. Kids can be mean and they are mean by laughing at her but it mustn't upset her that much as she isn't conforming to how they want her to be. Good luck :beer:

shiningdove

Give her the responsibility.

Give her some money to go to a hairdressers of her choice. The money is only allowed to be used at the hairdressers. Shes allowed to go by herself and choose what she wants, as long as its school - ok. i.e. no pink dye

Give her some money for clothes. Shes only allowed to buy clothes with that money, and she has to buy enough to keep her through winter.

Apart from that, make sure you take lots of photos and you can laugh about it later.


Trust me .. my mother did it with me, there are horrrid pictures of me. Think flourecent orange football top with dark green fleece body warmer over it, add some combat blue trousers and florecent green trainers and your there.

-puke

Katie-Kat-Kins

She's only 12!!!!

I think that because she is tall people expect her to be older, and she isn't ready for this, holding on to her childish clothes is her way of saying "I'm just a kid" trying to fashion her up and style her will make things worse.

Buy her new things that are just a bigger size of what she has already. Jeans and a baggy t-shirt is normal 12 year old wear, and much more appropriate than some of the disgusting lolita like outfits some 8 year olds parade around in now.

If she really needs persuading you may have to buy a new pair of longer jeans and bin the old ones, some people hold on to their old clothes like a comfort blanket. Having siad that though if they still fit round the waist you could cut them off for shorts.

I think you need to continue treating her like the child that she is for at least another year, if she won't brush her hair do it for her, if she doesn't like it ask her if she would prefer to have it cut. 12 is young to be buying her own clothes alone. It is certainly too young for personal shoppers and beauty salons. Leave her be just replace out grown things like for like.

Primark are good for cheap things and you can buy mens for extra length. Dorothy Perkins, Top Shop and New Look have longer items. Also try adult lines at places like a levis outlet, or sports/outdoor brands and you should be able to get things that are casual and not too fashion that fit her.

kindofagilr

moodydonkey wrote: »

Can you sit down and talk about what she does like?
Is she coming home upset because she feels embarrassed at what she is wearing or just because she chooses to dress differently to others? If you can start with this then it may be easier to move on to finding nice clothes that she likes, not that you find nice (not offending, I have given up buying for my 11 and 12 girls because i don't understand their thinking)

A constant battle over her looks won't help her confidence, she needs your reassurance even if you don't understand her "look". Could she possibly go shopping on her own with a limited budget?

I agree with this

I hated going shopping with my mam when I was 13, I was a total tom boy, I climbed trees, played football etc etc

And mam always tried to put me into dresses and skirts, which I didnt want to wear, so it was a constant battle for me everytime we went shopping

Maybe something like that is happening? (dont worry I grew out of the tom boy stage everntually and dressed more "normal")

belfastgirl23

Mrs7ones wrote: »

HELP

My DD is 12, she's almost 6feet tall and built like a bean-pole.
She's very uncomfortable with her appearance, and lacks confidence in every way. That said - I'd kill to look like her!!!!!!!

I lover her to bits but hate the constant battle we have over how she looks

My 'problem' (although it's not really a problem, it's just that I want to make her 'fit in' a bit more) is that she looks an absolute sight. i think if she wasn't so tall it wouldn't be a problem, but because she is very tall, people tend to think she is older than 12 and expect her to dress more like a teen than a little kid.

She will not brush her hair - it's very long and thick and has a mind of it's own - and will not get it cut.
If she's not in her school uniform or PJs she's in tatty jeans that are too short and too big, and a t-shirt.

I've bought her nice clothes, stuff that's in fashion but not 'tarty' but she just will not wear them. If she goes into town with her freinds, she comes home upset cos 'people laugh at her'....
(And I have to admit, I even get embarressed at how she dresses when we go anywhere - now that really is awful of me.)

I'm at then end of my teather with her.... and to make matters worse, I need to take her shopping for winter clothes soon and know we'll come home empty-handed!

I just don't know waht to do with her at all......

I kind of think you're the problem here. Your tone worries me, I know you probably don't say any of the harsh things you say here directly to her, but it does sound like you've made your opinion known to her, thus turning her appearance into a battle ground. I'm concerned that you are also part of the reason why she feels unattractive. And no, saying 'you would look pretty if you only brushed your hair/wore clothes I approve of' is not making someone feel attractive. It's telling them they are currently unattractive. And that is not good for anyone.

Sorry for being so blunt but your daughter is at an age where she is trying to find her own way and is rebelling a bit against you. If she was dressing very age inappropriately or indecently then I'd say you have a parental duty to intervene. But given what you describe here, I'd say back off. Give her a clothes allowance if you can afford it, make it clear you're prepared to help her choose clothes but if she doesn't want to then don't hound her. Is there anyone else in the family or any friends who she might listen to more who could go shopping with her? That might be a halfway house. But it can't come from you or else it will exacerbate the problem.

The good news is that she will come around in time. The bad news is that you have got to start biting your tongue and letting her figure it out for herself.

dogcat_2

Hi, I have an 11 (nearly 12 year old) daughter - who is taller than me...I'm 5'7..and same as yours - shes built like a bean pole. Her legs go on forever...
The only difference is...since she started her new school, she's wanted to get her hair cut...and have it straightened...and keeps wanting new clothes...so I'm sure this too will happen to your daughter in time. Fingers crossed anyway. Put yourself in her shoes...shes sooo tall that she feel everyone is looking at her. Maybe she dresses like that to 'blend' in - but it seems to have the reverse effect. I'm sure as she gets older and becomes interested in boys she will change. Good luck.

chiefpossession

My daughter hasn't let me choose clothes for her for years, but she loved going shopping with my sister - aunty has more style than mum! :rolleyes: Do you have anyone that your DD looks up to - older cousin, aunty - who you could send off for an afternoon with a budget?

mintymoneysaver

My 12 year old is only little, people assume she's a lot younger than she is but I still have the same issues as you! She will now brush her hair but I still put it in a ponytail for school. She has no desire to do anything remotely 'trendy' with it. When she finds something she likes to wear she will wear it day in day out unless I put it in the wash! She doesn't like the 'feel' of lots of clothes but I know that she's just not ready to be a fashion victim yet! She's my baby so I'm making the most of it, soon enough she'll be like her 15 year old sister who drools over shoes in Top shop and can't go past a mirror without looking in....