My DD and her 'style'

floss2

Why not allow her to choose however many items on condition you can choose the same number? Then take all into the changing room and have a mass try-on...see what suits her, what she likes, what she hates...and work from there? It isn't going to be a quick afternoon shopping -trip.....but then again, she's almost a young woman.

Something to think about - if she's tall, and a bit "quirky" in her style, she may get spotted by a model agency.....could that be her aim, do you think?

flippin36

Hi,
I would advise you to leave her be...when did anyone take fashion tips from their parents lol!

She will find her own style in her own time, she's only 12 still a child.:)I was 32 before I knew how to dress well .

They are developing a sense of independence at that age - she'll be ok. As a parent you need to take a step back so she can learn for herself.

If her peers are saying things to upset her then she needs to learn a strategy to deal with this - which is all about learning to grow up.

If you take her shopping for winter clothes you might be best taking her to the shops and not directing her at all. Just let her buy the things she will be comfortable with. Don't make any comments at all - you won't be able to do right from wrong at that age .

Good luck.

jcr16

i can see both her point of view and your's.

it a tough one. but what i would do is plan a girly day. make it so that is isn't all about clothes and hair etc. but a day for the pair of you to have a really nice time. go and get your hair done, both of you. both go and choose a new outfit. but choosing clothes for each other. so you walk intoa store go seprate ways and agree to meet at changing rooms in 10 min's and you both have to try on what the other person has chosen for you. have fun and enjoy it without pressure. then go out for lunch or dinner and just talk to each other abotu what you've done. have a giggle.

i really struggled when i was 10/12 ish when i wasn't able to choose what i wanted and i wore what my mum wanted me to wear and i hated. so when i did buy something i used to go for something out ragious just because i could and it was my choice. ( looking back it was awful, but i did make me feel nice).

at end of day clothes don't make a person and if she has the confidance to wear what she want's without worring then she has a wonderful quality. i'm 28 and only just learning that one. just to be myself.

Mrs7ones

Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply.

I know for a fact that she just doesn't care about clothes etc, and chooses to wear what she's comfy in (ie the PJs all hours of the day :eek:).. I don't think there's any ulterior motive behind it - she certainly isn't trying to draw attention to herself - she'd prefer just the opposite, but being so tall isn't helping!
And the thought of taking her for a 'pampering session' of personal shopping experiance would leave her running for the hills...!!!!

We do tend to shop in the 'tall' sections of shops, but like many of you have said, they aren't particularly trendy - If i can get her to buy some decent jeans that will be a good start - I managed to get her to wear a long cardie last weekend, but she just let it hang off of her shoulders and look sloppy :rolleyes::rolleyes:.
Leggings are out - too tight apparently - she's live in combats if I could find some long enough and something decent for her to wear with them.

I appreciate the advice you offered BlondeHeadOn, if anyone else has any idead what I could try her with, that's be great.....

thanks again!!

gingin_2

Have you tried placing some new items at the front of her wardrobe, not mentioning it and seeing if she puts them on? Although my ds (9) is younger, I just "streamlined" his wardrobe as I got fed up with scruffy clothing battles every morning, so now he just has 5 decent t-shirts, 2 jumpers, a couple of pairs of trousers etc. He can't really go wrong now, although I appreciate that he is not an independent almost-teenager yet so it might be more difficult for you.

I do think she'll grow out of it though. I'm mortified by some of the pictures of me when I was 11-16 and developing my own "style"

Hermia

I think you just have to accept her dubious taste in clothes and support her when people are mean to her. I mean, I thought the whole point of being a teenager is looking an absolute state!

Is there a chance that this 'style' is about her forging an identity rather than just lack of interest? I say that because I have two friends who are scruffy and very ungirly. One is very anti-consumerism and buys clothes in charity shops and only when she needs them. The other is a lesbian who has no wish to look feminine. They both hated it when their mums tried to take them shopping as teens as they felt their mums were not accepting them as they were.

Perhaps you could ask her if she would like some vouchers for a shop of her choosing. I personally would not have wanted to go shopping for clothes with my mum or discussed hairstyles or fashion with her when I was a teen!

anguk

My daughter is 15 and I do go shopping with her but only because I have the debit card, I have absolutely no say in what she buys or wears, other than the price and it's been like this for a few years now. I think once kids get to secondary school age they are old enough to know what they like and parents have to accept that.

Could you perhaps do a bit of research and find some fashionable shops that do clothing for taller girls/ladies? If she doesn't like going to the shops what about online shopping or mail order? That way she could choose clothes she likes and try them on at home?

pinkshoes

I was almost 5'10" when I was 13, and a stick insect (16 years ago, and not so many tall girls then!).

I was bullied by my so called best friend, who made me feel ugly. When I tried on clothes in a shop (anything fitted, or heels), she'd say they looked silly on me because I was too tall, so I ended up buying only baggy things.

It took me until I was 19 to realise that she was jealous, rather than me being ugly.

I would sit down with your daughter, and discuss the shopping trip first (a day before), say what stuff YOU want to get, then ask what she'd like. Then maybe suggest going for lunch somewhere, or getting your nails done, or a hair cut...

If she can't suggest anything, then tell her to have a think about it. Try and shop in places that do tall ranges with a 33" leg (Top shop, Dorothy Perkins - do some research) and make sure she picks the right size.

liney

I think you both need to go through her wardrobe and remove the clothes that don't fit her! She has no need for them.

You can state that she needs new clothes as she's so few, and take her shopping letting her take the lead. What kind of clothes do her friends wear? go from there.

If you donate/throw out the clothes that no longer fit her properly then she can't wear them. Simples. I'd tell her you don't mind what style of clothes she choses to wear as long as it's not A la Lady Gaga, and it fits properly.

People (and you) might not like the clothes she choses, but at least they won't laugh at her because they are half mast.

I've come to the conclusion i must be a mean mommy, because as far as her hair goes she'd have 3 choices. She gets it cut, she brushes it, or she goes no where but school until she does one or the other. Not brushing your hair will encourage nits for one thing which still do go around at secondary schools.

Charlton_Taz

Think i was like your DD when I was her age....its just what some girls that age are like! When I was 12 though...my mum did go shopping with me..but it was up to me what i wanted. There is no way I would have wanted my mum buying me clothes!! By the time, I was 13 my mum just gave me a clothing allowance anyway so I could go to the shops myself and buy what I wanted.

I'm sure my mum thought I was a 'state' in her eyes, but I guess all I can say is your DD is growing up and she has to discover her own sense of style and what she wants to wear. If she asks for help then help her, otherwise I'd leave her to it!

Funniest clothing incident I can think of from when I was young was when I was 14 and we had a family holiday to the Dominican Republic. I mainly wore little summer dresses...but accompanied with my huge doc martin boots (even on the beach!). My parents thought I was mad.....but by then they had decided I had got to an age when it was up to me what I wore...so I did! We all have our own style!