Something I have often wondered

lenga01

i don't think you can really know someone without living with them. I mean you get to really know the person when you live together. I know all my oh's little quirks and what he likes or not and i don't think we would be getting married without knowing that we can stand to live together without killing each other, lol.

AlwaysWorking

I love the idea of staying at home and leaving on your wedding day...but I don't fancy sharing a bedroom with my sister at age 31!!

That said, my brother got married a couple of weeks ago and he and his wife will move into their new home when they get back from honeymoon. It seems so romantic, the start of their new life together...but we do joke with them that there could be fireworks over his snoring, tendancy to talk in his sleep, untidyness.....!:rotfl:

evenasus

AlwaysWorking wrote: »

It seems so romantic, the start of their new life together...but we do joke with them that there could be fireworks over his snoring, tendancy to talk in his sleep, untidyness.....!:rotfl:

SNORING! Oh how there have been times over the last 42 years I've felt like...well...using my pillow for something...other than laying my head on it.

lostinrates

Dinah93 wrote: »

I'm not saying you don't have a valid point about getting to know one anothers habits, but research has shown repeatedly that you are less likely to get divorced if you do not live together before marriage. (Or for a media site rather than a Christian one).

similarly though, you are less likely to live with someone if you are religious, and if you are religious and believe marriage is once and forever you might be more likely to not just take the rough with the smooth, but perhaps tolerate mistreatment.

I'm glad I lived with two other men before DH. It taught me about myself and helped develop a greater understanding of what is and isn't acceptable for me in practise and helped me recognise what a very special person y DH is. I would never criticise anyone for holding out for ''the'' man, the husband, but I think in those circumstances sharin a house with friends first might be a good idea. Having eperience of living with people other than your family, seeing that ''normal'' for your family might not be ''normal'' for others, and developing an idea of what you want ''normal'' to be for you. My normal has turned out to be pretty special! fresh from home I wouldn't have guessed it could be so.

LMB1980

I understand what you're saying, it would have been nice to have that moment but I'm definitely pleased I lived with my husband first as it was a long process getting used to licing together. I think I would have been a bit disappointed that things weren't perfect after the wedding if that was the first time we lived together. I did feel like that when I left the my parents house in the UK to move abroad at 23. I knew then it wouldn't really by my home anymore and that was a bit emotional.

minxwolf

You are very lucky to have had that experience. You were brought up with different beliefs and morals, to what we as a younger generation have. You have been told to work at a marriage, but how far is that taken, some women of your age have been beaten for years by their husbands, children abused, locked up in mad houses because of whatever reasons, but its all been kept hush hush, or what would the neighbours think! I feel that women in particular have been liberated, we no longer have to sit at the side of the dance hall hoping someone wants to marry us. We choose to make that commitment to someone we know we love and will be happy to live with forever as we have already tried it out. There is less of the old put up and shut up for women in marriage. I am no way saying that its easy, but ensuring your man is a good match for you makes it easier. Again , i think you are very lucky but believe your sons did the right thing too x

Noctu

You test drive the car before you buy it!

Dinah93

Not if you buy at auction! Sometimes you need to trust your own intuition and have faith.

Noctu

Dinah93 wrote: »

Not if you buy at auction! Sometimes you need to trust your own intuition and have faith.

Heheh quite right! I guess it's horses for courses. I'm living with DF before I marry him but it's just the way we preferred it to be, I wanted to take it in stages (dating/moving in/buying house/marriage/perhaps children).

It would be good to have that moment, I guess I'm too impatient - and couldn't afford to move out on my own :rotfl:

Becles

I didn't live with my ex before I got married and that was a mistake. Once we were married and living in the same home, it was very different to when we were dating. Let's just say there was a side of him that I didn't realise was there, and had I known beforehand, there is no way I would have got married.

When I met my husband, I was a single mother with two boys who were a bit fragile due my ex walking out on them and I didn't want them getting hurt again. My ex moved in gradually staying a night a week at first and gradually building up until he moved in full time a couple of months before our wedding. That worked great for us.

At the actual wedding in Gretna, they normally put the bride and grooms hands together and strike the anvil with a hammer to signify that like the bond with metal, the bond of marriage should be strong and not easily broken. With us, they did that but with the childrens hands in the middle of our hands, and we were bonded as a family rather than just husband and wife. That was the magical moment for me.