Something I have often wondered

evenasus

Thank you to all for your views.
I'm not condemning/disapproving living together. It's just something I've often wondered.

SandC wrote: »

If you don't live together first, then you're entering into a whole new phase of life - big changes, new responsibilities. I admire anyone who does that.

That's how it was in the 60's though. All our friends & relatives did the same.
The mention of 'living together' just did not enter conversations back then.
I know the 60's have the reputation of having 'free love' but I assure you it bypassed Sheffield in those days.

Gavin83

I wouldn't even consider marrying someone until I'd lived with them for at least a year. How can you possibly know if your truly compatible with someone until you've lived with them? Living with someone is a lot different to just dating them and I would really like this experience before I make my judgement.

I can appreciate in the past it was frowned upon to live together before marriage, but that it no longer the case. It also allows you an extra step in the relationship to look forward to and doesn't force too much change at once.

I'd be quite happy not getting married at all to be honest, but I'd do so if it meant a lot to my girlfriend.

mrbrightside842

evenasus wrote: »

I'm not condemning/disapproving living together. It's just something I've often wondered.

Don't worry, you certainly didn't come across as dissapproving! Like you say, it's interesting, once it was the norm, and now I would say it's totally switched so only the minority do this. Different strokes for different folks!

whitewing

I lived with my DH before we married (thro circumstances rather than choice). If you're with the right man, it's magical anyway. Saying the vows was incredible; I had only eyes for him during the service. It is still magical (nearly) every day. It feels completely different, very special, yet comfortingly familiar at the same time.

kindofagilr

I can see what you are saying

But I think living together first is perfect, I mean what if you married someone and then found out they drove you mad when you lived together and the relationship really didn't work?

I love living with DF, and I cannot wait till we get married, like someone else said it will be the icing on the cake

carolan78

I don't think living with someone beforehand takes away the magic of the wedding day. It certainly didn't for me, I remember been very teary as I waited for the car to church. It suddenly hit me in the face I would no longer have my surname, I guess in a similar way you said goodbye to the house you grew up in I said fairwell to my maiden name.

The only differance over all, I knew by this point all the annoying little things my dh did. I knew all the sweet little things he does and I knew 100% this is the man I wanted to share my life and more importantly I knew he would make a fantastic father when the time was right and he is

oystercatcher

My first marriage was just over 25 years ago and although many people did live together before marriage then, we both came from religious families who would have been very upset should we have done this, so we chose to keep them happy and not live together.

Once married I discovered an altogether unknown side to my husband, quite selfish and controlling and cruel. As 'marriage is for life' was my view then, I stuck it out for 15 years before we finally divorced. I often wonder if we had lived together would I have realised what a mistake I was making ? There's no way of turning back the clock and knowing. I certainly don't regret the children but..... I wonder ????

I shall certainly be advising my children to live with someone before they marry!

Dinah93

I'm not saying you don't have a valid point about getting to know one anothers habits, but research has shown repeatedly that you are less likely to get divorced if you do not live together before marriage. (Or for a media site rather than a Christian one). Once I am married no matter what that is for life, and if he is messy or likes to do DIY at 2am or will only iron clothes in alphabetical order, then that is the 'for worse' part of the vows and we work to find a way around it. I know he is a good, honest person and thats why I'm marrying him.

Of course it helps that I come from a Christian background, its very uncommon to live together before marriage, but for that I don't actually know a single couple except my fiances parents who have seperated once married, which has to be better than the statistical average! My friends have said how wierd it is suddenly being with their husband all the time, but good wierd so I am really looking forward to next September. In pretty much every respect I just want the wedding day over and done with, its the coming home the next day I'm excited for!

RadoJo

We lived together beforehand, spent the night before together and only separated for about three hours to get ready for the actual wedding, but it didn't detract from the magic at all. Mind you, I am one of the few people who managed not to have any stress organising my wedding, so I suppose it's a matter of how you approach the day - I was so excited I couldn't stand still and even though I'd seen him that morning, I couldn't wait to make it official when the moment finally arrived!
If I had lived with my parents until I got married, I would have been up the aisle with any loser to get a place of my own, so I can't say I have ever considered co-habiting to have been a problem. I do think it's either brave or unrealistic to marry without living together - when there is no social stigma to 'living in sin' I can't really see why you wouldn't want to spend as much time with the person you love as possible, let alone the isssues other posters have mentioned about how your relationship is affected by prolongued proximity.
But having said that, you never know what goes on in other people's relationships, so whatever works for each couple is probably the right thing to do for them.

jcr16

i can see your point. i live with hubby for 8 months before our wedding day. and our wedding was just as magical.

i knew my hubby completely his annoyig little ways, used to his snooring ( and mine apparently,lol) so when we got married we knew it was comepltely the right things to do and we knew we were perfect for each other in every way. We been married for over 7 years now and it is still as romantic and wonderful as the day we got married.

I still feel incrediably honoured that out of all the ladies in the world ( ok i know my hubby doesn't know everyone) he chose me as his wife.he invited me into his family and to take on his family name. the one he wanted his children with and to spend the rest of his life with. for me the magic in that wasn't gonna be taken away by us living together before hand.

i'm completely besotted with him and still very very much in love with him. i'm one very lucky lady .