The right thing to do

mrcow

Argygirl wrote: »

Of course I was just a bit on the side, even though it didn't feel like that.

It's very big of you to come back and say that. And it must feel very hard to admit it to yourself.

Some people are just simply not very nice human beings. They use people and hurt them without even seeming to be affected by it.

There are far better card games to play than bridge btw

Argygirl

He has rung me at work and sent me a big bouquet of roses. I was fooled by that. All the girls at work who don't know the story were very impressed, but I rang my best mate and he brought me down to earth and said flowers just cost money. I said that noone has ever sent me flowers before but he said all men know that girls like flowers... and that they are more likely to send them when they have been out of order.

I suppose I feel pleased that I've got a reaction from him, though.

Argygirl

And he sent a text for me to ring him, but he knows I don't usually have my mobile with me at work. I'm not going to ring anyway. I was worrying I wouldn't be good enough for him when I was just a bit extra...

tizhimi

I would tell him to go live out the rest of his life with his wife... Be harsh to him 'cos otherwise he might not get the picture.

I really think he's not been fair on the wife or on you. If he's got lung cancer he'll need the support of his whole friend and family network- not just his new girlfriend if you know what I mean!

Gosh I sound really horrible and I don't mean to be. You're a young girl and have plenty of life left to live. Get yourself out there and get over the pensioner!!

myothercarisaferrari

I suspect he is trying to have his cake and eat.

Please please get someone who devote 110% to you x

Argygirl

I had a feeling that he would be in my local last night. So I rang my mate A and told him how I was feeling. He said we could go to another pub, but the other pubs don’t have happy half hour and anyway, this is my pub, I was there first. I know pretty much everyone there. Usually I just meet A inside, but he said he’d pick me up from work, just in case the pub was quiet. He was being so good because he knew how I felt.

I sat in the beer garden and A brings me out a drink and then J comes out, and we are all talking about nothing, A says about the nice car in the car park and J looks straight at me and says, yes, that’s one of the advantages of getting divorced, I can get a proper car and he gives the keys to A to take it for a spin. I’d told A not to leave me, but he said after he just didn’t think, he so wanted to drive the car. So J tells me he has worked out now that life is too short. He has told his sons what is happening. He has told them it is not about me, but that she will probably tell them it is. He said he told them that I was the best thing to ever happen to him apart from them being born. The older son has taken it well and said for his Dad to move into the holiday house, which is in my town, and said he will sort out a tenancy for it. It is in his name or both of the sons names, but it was bought by A and it’s something to do with asset tax, but then his wife had come down and told him that the boys are not his and she was having an affair when they first got together. This is impossible to believe as both of his sons look like him. The older son had just said J has enough on his plate right now and he will deal with his mother. But J says he doesn’t want to be about if I’m not talking to him. There is another flat the boys had at Uni and he could go and live there, but that’s in London and where his wife was living. He said his brother knew how important I was and he had liked me and said I was mature and sensible… This seems crazy as I don’t feel very mature and sensible.

I said of course I would talk to him, that I just had a lot of doubts and concerns, and I’d sort of got used to the fact we were over. He said he was really sorry, he was completely messing up my life and he had no right to do that, he said that I deserved much better. He said his wife had kept going on and on about me and how I wouldn’t really be interested in him.

And then I remembered about the appointment, because he’d alluded to his illness without any detail, and so asked when he was going to see the Dr and he is going to the hospital on Thursday, so I asked could I go. He seemed really surprised that I was interested, but then said no, it wouldn’t be possible. So this means he’s got to be lying about it, because otherwise how wouldn’t it be possible? How could he lie about that?

I said to J I thought we needed some time to think stuff through and he said for me to call him, and he said, anytime. And then he said really sadly, I don’t think you are going to call, which was just what I was thinking.

A came back and I went to the loo and was crying and trying not to, so I got A to take me home. A said, let me guess, he never knew you liked him and I said yes, sort of, and he says I’m the biggest commitment phobe he knows, and this is the guy who… well, let’s just say he’s the biggest commitment phobe I know.

myothercarisaferrari

why are you bothering with this man?

Minxy_Bella

OMG! RUN as fast as you can in the opposite direction from this man! Honestly, he sounds like a right dodgey dealer to me! !!!!!! is all that about tenancy agreements and asset taxes???? This is supposed to be about love and not being able to live without each other, not 'fiddling' the system in a cold, calculating way.

You seriously need to get some self-esteem, hun - you are worth so much more than to be an old man's (sorry, but he is) plaything, slotted into a part of his life where you cause the least disruption!!!

Concentrate on you! Enjoy your life! Love will come when you've learned to love yourself!

xxxx

mrcow

Okay - I've just got a suspicious mind. As soon as I read about the cancer I was in two minds. Please don't think I'm a disgusting person to think like this (I'm a little shocked myself) but I've seen ot before - someone lying about having absolutely terrible illnesses in order to create a wave of attention around them.

If he:

a. had an appointment
b. was serious about you

Then there would be no reason for you not to be going to the hospital with him.

So:

a. there is either nothing wrong with him
b. he's taking his wife as he's been spinning you a yarn from day one

And btw - he hasn't ruined your life! :mad: I would have laughed in his face.

What a big-headed self centred egotist to even suggest that! :eek: Your life is just fine. No problems. No worries. You're a good person and you're perfect in your own right. You don't need him, or his stupid lies.

I'll repeat again what I said earlier. If he is serious about you, then let him move out of home, start divorce proceedings and live on his own for sox months. After that time, he can give you a call and let you know whether he'd like a date.

Don't settle for anything less.

Persoanlly, my money's on the punt that he's a big, fat, greasy liar who's just had his bluff called.

Argygirl

Minxy_Bella wrote: »

OMG! RUN as fast as you can in the opposite direction from this man! Honestly, he sounds like a right dodgey dealer to me! !!!!!! is all that about tenancy agreements and asset taxes???? This is supposed to be about love and not being able to live without each other, not 'fiddling' the system in a cold, calculating way.

You seriously need to get some self-esteem, hun - you are worth so much more than to be an old man's (sorry, but he is) plaything, slotted into a part of his life where you cause the least disruption!!!

Concentrate on you! Enjoy your life! Love will come when you've learned to love yourself!

xxxx

It was relevant to the conversation, in that his son - who is a solicitor - was sorting stuff out. As in it sort of proved that he'd told him, except it doesn't prove it, because if he can say that he's dying... he actually said it doesn't look good, but that implies he's dying... and then it's not possible for me to go to the hospital, presumably because there is no hospital appointment.