The right thing to do

mrcow

Argygirl wrote: »

So even though his wife went away, you think because he took her back, because he didn't know how much I cared, that they should stay together?

If he loved you - properly loved you - then he would never have taken her back because he wouldn't be able to breathe without you.

She wouldn't have even come into the equation.

Argygirl

But he has said now that he does want to take the risk... He's not dowdy at all. I think sweep me off my feet is exactly what he's done. It's not practical or sensible, but it's how he makes me feel.

myothercarisaferrari

you last post doesnt make sense to me

Luv, I expect you want people to tell you to go for it but being honest as an outsider looking in on this situation, leave him to his wife and children. Whatever his problems with his wife were, they do not concern you. 35 years is a lot to waste on a bit on the side, which is what you effectively are.

Sorry to be harsh, but you need a reality check

mrcow

Argygirl wrote: »

But he has said now that he does want to take the risk... He's not dowdy at all. I think sweep me off my feet is exactly what he's done. It's not practical or sensible, but it's how he makes me feel.

Fine - then let him move out.

If he's serious, he'll do it straight away. If he's going to split with his wife because he doesn't love her then fine, he just needs to get on with it.

It's this whole "I didn't know how you felt" rubbish that is confusing. He's been having an affair with you - it all sounds textbook up to now.

But you never know, let him move out. Get a place of his own. And then you two can start dating properly without any inconvenient ties over yourselves, (like wives etc.).

YOU don't have to make any decision right now........

He needs to move out.
Become single.
Then you two can start dating properly.
Then you can decide at your own leisure what you want to do.

That's how it works. No other way. You dont have to put yourself on the spot.

......and certainly - don't let him move in with you! You're not a free doss house with perks. He needs to prove how he feels before you give any more of yourself away for nothing.

Rockporkchop

He got together with his wife before you were born. Re his sons, how would you feel if your dad ran off with a 34 year old just before your parents reached their twilight years? It's not fair of you to even think about it.

Imagine your life with him - he will still have to support his wife so you will be living on very little money (especially when he is a pensioner fairly soon) and probably live without having a family yourself. He will always be tied to his family and jumping when they call and you will always be an outsider and second best. And why on earth would you resign yourself to being a carer for someone who is possibly very ill (if he is).

Utter madness.

mrcow

And ask him when his next appointment at the hospital is.
Tell him you'd like to go along with him.

if he's got lung cancer, it will probably be in the next week or so.

See what he says......

cheepskate_2

Argygirl wrote: »

He was separated from his wife. and he told me how much in love with her he was. When I met him, he was falling apart because she had left .

We got together but at my insistence it wasn't serious. He asked me to marry him,



So should I just go for it?

This mn even from your own words idolised his wife , even when they split, you on the other hand were just a rebound,someone who was there when he didnt have the love of his life in his life.

Stay well clear, yes its flattering for an older gent , who ultimatly has been with the same woman for 30+ years to flirt with a younger model, but reality is not that.

Reality is he will pine for his lost love, his wife and differences will start to show in a realationship with you.

Go love someone who is available to be loved and who will love you 1st 2nd and last

quietheart

Have you got any compassion for his wife? She is dealing with her husband of 30+ years being diagnosed with cancer and you are hoping to take him away.....
Sounds grim.
Leave him to his wife and children. I'm surprised you are even considering this.

tandraig

or is he having probs with his wife again you are his 'fall back' missus? luv - dont go there unless he is living apart from him wife by HIS choice. sounds like he is using you - I should know - I fell for a much younger but sounds very similar man (whose wife left him yada yada yada) and damn near lost everything as HE couldnt wait to get her back - and six months later i believed his sob story and let myself in for it again!!! and now my DS1 hardly speaks to me and my OH - well - lets just say - he doesnt let me forget it!

Argygirl

I saw him on Friday night, and I think maybe you are all right and I have been very stupid.

On Friday night he was with his brother, so I didn't go over. I was talking to my friends. He then came over to me and bought me a drink and introduced me to his brother, as in by name, which had never happened before and his brother said about inviting me around for dinner to teach me bridge. I felt quite included but then he said he would ring me, and he did ring, but I didn't answer it. (I was in the shower.) He sent a text that said he couldn't tell me by text and he would ring again. I know what he is going to say, that he didn't want me anyway. I feel so silly for thinking he would choose me over anyone.

Of course I was just a bit on the side, even though it didn't feel like that. I realised that was true as I couldn't ring him back, even though I didn't want to because I don't want to hear it, because his wife might be there.