MATCH - mothers apart from their children...

Savvy_Sue

MOVING THREADS FOR BETTER RESPONSES

Hi, Martin’s asked me to post this in these circumstances: I’ve asked Board Guides to move threads if they’ll receive a better response elsewhere(please see this rule) so this post/thread has been moved to another board, where it should get more replies. If you have any questions about this policy please email [EMAIL="abuse@moneysavingexpert.com"]abuse@moneysavingexpert.com[/EMAIL].

bestpud

I'm not in quite the same situation but I did have quite a major bust up with my son when he was 16 (resulted in him moving out) and can imagine how you feel.

I am wondering though if you are getting help with your requests for more access? It seems unduly harsh that you are still on supervised access only after three years.

I can't imagine it was as simple as you asking your GP for help - there was more than that to it for them to insist on supervised access in the first place.

However, I'm assuming you are now stable and in a better position to take more responsibility for your child...

So, is anyone helping you present this to the court and counteract his concerns? Have you taken the objections on board and taken steps to show they are rubbish?

That is what I'd be focusing on if I were you.

TeetersOnHeels

I split with my son's dad when DS was 2, some 12yrs ago. At the time my ex was a stay at home dad, while I went back to work after my maternity leave. My ex was given Residency, and my contact was alternate weekends and one midweek overnight stay.I was devestated.
Fast forward 8yrs, cutting a very long and sometimes upsetting story short, my son asked if he could live with me, thinking he would spend more time with me, and alternate weekends and some time in the week with dad. My ex agreed, but no sooner had DS, then aged 10, settled at mine, dad decided to emigrate to Oz. That was 4yrs ago, and my ex has made no contact with DS since.
During the 8yrs I was apart from DS I found MATCH very supportive. The feeling of being the only mum in the world that this was happening to was a very lonely one, but the support from others was amazing.
As BestSpud mentioned, not having progressed from 2hrs supervised access seems a bit harsh? Hopefully MATCH will be able to point you in the right direction for improving contact, and building a great relationship with your little one.

solongmarianne

i really feel for you, thanks for the link

moneysaver12

Thankyou for starting this thread and for the link. I lost my three children in 2004, they had been taken from me in 2003. They have been adopted. I tried for ten months to get them back but a judge ruled against me. I did not do anything wrong to my children. I was not coping at the time, have had mental health problems for years. Problems with their dad. I do understand why they were taken but believe they should have been returned to me

I missed my children everyday and i dream of the day that they will hopefully want to see me and i love them very much. The pain never goes away.

I get a letter once a year from their adoption parents and i am allowed to send a letter once a year and xmas and birthday cards, which is good.

Mrs_P_Pincher

There are more of us out there than you think and I don't think any of us feel good about it. For us it all worked out in the end, but it's hard being a apart from your children. MATCH has been around a long time and was a great help to me back in 1997/8.

For what it's worth my girls are now 26 and 20, doing very well at work and at uni and now they are old enough to understand what happened and why, they are very supportive of me and we have a very good relationship.

Hang in their ladies.

Mrs P P

julie3009

hi all

would like to thank far2812 for starting this thread, i am also in a similar situation, due to mental health problems had my ds taken from me and placed with family, i was also allowed no unsupervised contact then got 1 hour a week!! i never hurt or neglected my little boy but my experience with social services has been a nightmare, as with a lot of so called friends and family they seem to be of the opinon that there is no smoke with out fire. i have ended up even more alone than ever i hardly ever leave my home now, for fear of what people are saying. I also feel like the court will never go in my favor.

far2812

I am so glad that this thread I started has been moved - seems like there is more of us out there than we thought!

I have been back to Court about 5 times and each time - my daughter's Dad makes up so much rubbish.

The last time he told the court that I had rang my daughter and I was drunk (I don't even drink)!

Whatever he says seems to put caution in the magistrates minds and it drives me mad! Although I behave in the correct manner!!!

The magistrates just seem to err very much on the side of caution!

I don't know why they will not increase the access I have with my daughter - we adore each other and that is clear to everyone !!! I would kind of understand being over cautious if I was asking for her back!!

Even my solicitor and Barrister can't believe the way I am being treated!

If my ex infers anything, the magistrates believe him!

Given the fact that he met a girl on the internet last July and took my daughter there 3 times in 4 months, then married her and brought the new wife to England - they split up 3 months later is not really "looking out for our daughter".

Sorry to rant...........

My solicitor said that I should set up a charity or something to do with Mothers with Stigmas, as that is what I have and people can't seem to see through it!

Love to all
x

zztopgirl

Thats a really good idea regarding a charity, am in so much pain at the moment but feel so selfish for hurting for being a mother apart.

All I feel I can do now is battle on alone and try to rebuild myself somehow. Far2812 I understand if you dont want to reply to my pm, things are really hard at the moment, I had both my girls together on saturday and the youngest went crazy, and as usual at going home time, she was kicking and screaming and wanted to come home with me.

There is no help or support, only nasty judgemental people who keep trying to tear me apart. I had an appointment with a psychritrist(sp) yesterday, who ripped into me and tore me to shreds. I fled and ended up collapsed in the carpark, I just wish people would leave me alone and stop attacking me and judging me, rapists and murderers dont get this kind of treatment.

I feel and sense that my girls will understand when they are grown up but it doesnt ease the pain that I cant be there to tuck them in at night, and be their full-time mum.

LadyMorticia

moneysaver12 wrote: »

Thankyou for starting this thread and for the link. I lost my three children in 2004, they had been taken from me in 2003. They have been adopted. I tried for ten months to get them back but a judge ruled against me. I did not do anything wrong to my children. I was not coping at the time, have had mental health problems for years. Problems with their dad. I do understand why they were taken but believe they should have been returned to me

I missed my children everyday and i dream of the day that they will hopefully want to see me and i love them very much. The pain never goes away.

I get a letter once a year from their adoption parents and i am allowed to send a letter once a year and xmas and birthday cards, which is good.

That's really sad.
I have had mental health issues for years too and even though I desperately want children, I'm terrified that I'll have them taken away because of my past history.