trying for baby 4

galvanizersbaby

becs wrote: »

We're currently still trying for number 1 and as I'm rapidly approaching 37 wouldn 't really be able to have lots of children if any! I would have loved a big family though but will happily settle for 2 if that's all we can have. My mum is one of 5 and I love the fact that there is so much extended family. I say good luck to you, if you can afford them I think there is nothing nicer than a large family.

I think many like the idea of a big family - I know I did and then I had DS and then DD (realised I wasn't quite the earth mother I had anticipated ) and it felt right to leave it at that.
My mum always used to say 'never have more children than you have hands' - which is a bit odd really because I am one of 3!:rotfl:

becs

I'm sure it is very hard work but all I see are the rewards. My mum is very close to her brothers and sister. It's a real family with all the ups and downs that come with that but at the end of the day they all have each other. I think in this day and age it's sometimes hard to get to the real roots of what family means. There are some people who see children as the next accessory in life whereas there are others such as on this thread for whom family is everything and that is really refreshing to see. I say good luck to you all.

Bargain_Rzl

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

My mum always used to say 'never have more children than you have hands' - which is a bit odd really because I am one of 3!:rotfl:

Yes, I heard this little gem from one of my friends shortly before she had number 2. I therefore suspect that with two under the age of 3, she probably believes it even more now

galvanizersbaby

Bargain_Rzl wrote: »

Yes, I heard this little gem from one of my friends shortly before she had number 2. I therefore suspect that with two under the age of 3, she probably believes it even more now

Yes I had that scenario (17 months between my 2 - tell her it does get easier! )

sarymclary

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

I think many like the idea of a big family - I know I did and then I had DS and then DD (realised I wasn't quite the earth mother I had anticipated ) and it felt right to leave it at that.
My mum always used to say 'never have more children than you have hands' - which is a bit odd really because I am one of 3!:rotfl:

Not everyone is cut out to devote a large portion of their life to their children. One of my siblings, despite being a mother, has always been more fulfilled by being in work. That's just how she's made. My mother, despite having had 4 children was of the pre-pill generation, but given a choice would probably have not wanted to have more than 1 or 2. I was definitely meant to be a bungalow (they were saving up).

I was a latch-key kid from a very young age (too young), and that had a huge impact on me. I promised myself that if I was ever going to have children, it would be to stay home and raise them for as long as we could afford it. I was lucky that my husband's career improved after we had baby no.2, and that's why we decided to go on to have nos. 3 & 4.

I also think the personalities of your children can dictate whether you should continue to expand a family unit. A more challenging child can throw a constant spanner in the works, and the negative attention they demand could be resented by siblings (I've witnessed this, and to some extent experienced it too). It is also important to maintain a strong partnership with your spouse, and ensure you're continuing to make time for one another... that's where a strict bedtime routine helps!

However, I can't say I anticipated at that time that I'd eventually end up as a single mum in the end, and that is extremely hard, but it's not unachievable to still do a good job provided you maintain the focus on the children.

A large family is never exactly going to be like an episode of The Waltons, but the ethos of building a strong family unit, and sense of belonging is the same.

galvanizersbaby

sarymclary wrote: »

Not everyone is cut out to devote a large portion of their life to their children. One of my siblings, despite being a mother, has always been more fulfilled by being in work. That's just how she's made. My mother, despite having had 4 children was of the pre-pill generation, but given a choice would probably have not wanted to have more than 1 or 2. I was definitely meant to be a bungalow (they were saving up).

I was a latch-key kid from a very young age (too young), and that had a huge impact on me. I promised myself that if I was ever going to have children, it would be to stay home and raise them for as long as we could afford it. I was lucky that my husband's career improved after we had baby no.2, and that's why we decided to go on to have nos. 3 & 4.

I also think the personalities of your children can dictate whether you should continue to expand a family unit. A more challenging child can throw a constant spanner in the works, and the negative attention they demand could be resented by siblings (I've witnessed this, and to some extent experienced it too). It is also important to maintain a strong partnership with your spouse, and ensure you're continuing to make time for one another... that's where a strict bedtime routine helps!

However, I can't say I anticipated at that time that I'd eventually end up as a single mum in the end, and that is extremely hard, but it's not unachievable to still do a good job provided you maintain the focus on the children.

A large family is never exactly going to be like an episode of The Waltons, but the ethos of building a strong family unit, and sense of belonging is the same.

I think you are so right sarymclary

A third child would not be out of the question for me (though time isn't on my side) but my DD (2nd born) is a very demanding child and always has been - she takes a lot of my attention and though she is becoming (slightly) less so as she gets older - I couldn't imagine having the time, energy and love required to devote to a third child at the moment.

DS (First born) is in contrast to DD and just gets on with it but I am ever mindful that I need to put the time in with him too!

Re the ethos of building a strong family unit and a sense of belonging - I think the principles are the same whether your family is big or small

msb5262

Hello OP,
You might want to consider giving this thread a different title - I think you may confuse other board users with this.
"Trying for a baby III" is thus named because it is the third thread for people trying for a baby, not because it's a thread for people trying for their third baby!
Just a thought as you clearly want to consider the issue of having a fourth child rather than discuss the whole TTC thing.
MsB

galvanizersbaby

msb5262 wrote: »

Hello OP,
You might want to consider giving this thread a different title - I think you may confuse other board users with this.
"Trying for a baby III" is thus named because it is the third thread for people trying for a baby, not because it's a thread for people trying for their third baby!
Just a thought as you clearly want to consider the issue of having a fourth child rather than discuss the whole TTC thing.
MsB

:oI got confused long ago about the TTC threads - I wouldn't know which one to post on now so don't think I would post at all for fear of treading on somebody's toes.
Also the pregnancy club thread became 2 separate threads for various reasons.

Quite glad we don't have separate threads for people trying to concieve their 2nd, 3rd, 4th babies

winnie81

Nutz666 wrote: »

Will all the kids get enough equal quality time with you? Can you afford to have more kids? I hated being part of a large family as I never got to spend much time with my parents as they were always looking after the younger ones. Kids always suffer in larger families.

(Not read the rest of the thread as I had to reply)

ummmm Nope not my 4 :rolleyes: We chose to have 4 all they each have there own time with us individually and we all do plenty of planned family activities. They have plenty of material items and everything else a child needs and wants and not once would they or anyone who knows us/them say they were suffering :rotfl:They are all doing very, very well at school/nursery and are each happy, healthy, bright and loving kids.


I think generalisations like that are totally unfair and unsubstantiated and are quite frankly ridiculous!! We have the time and money to spend on our kids and believe me they do not suffer :rolleyes:

winnie81

OP congratulations on deciding on number 4 I hope it happens soon for you! You will love it we love having our 4 and wouldn't change it for the world its wonderful. Please do not listen to others who cannot be happy for you as long as you are both happy thats all that matters