trying for baby 4

skylight

Nutz666 wrote: »

Kids always suffer in larger families.

No they don't. You feel that, that was apparent in your family, but I don't see that with mine, nor my friends with large families, nor my friends who have come from larger families - (barr one lady). You can't generalise so much, but you certainly do need to think about your points before embarking on a large family and they have to be addressed.

mummy_Jay

I have one and would love to have another one before the age gap gets too big but I have one slight hicup, a lack of a man in my life. The man drought I think is likely to continue as my DS asked the last one i met when he was going to make a baby in mummy's belly (I've never seen a bloke run so fast). But there always the turkey baster option:rotfl:

My heart tells me one is not enough, your says three isn't enough. I say follow your heart.

pulliptears

My Uncle's wife was one of 16.........

Katyag

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

I'm of the opinion that when it's family making comments it may be related to the expensive of having to buy xmas/birthday pressies for more children (especially if they have other grandchildren to buy for)

I know my mum likes to spend the same amount on each child 'so it is fair':rolleyes: bless her, though I know she can't really afford it and she has 9 grandchildren in all (not that mum ever complains )

My father however is a tight wad by nature which I guess is his perogative(though he is wealthy) and my sister has had to put up with a few comments from him re the cost of having to buy drinks/ice creams x4 :rolleyes:
Think she just ignores him now and puts up with it when he comes to visit.

I would say out of all the grandchildren (I have the 2 youngest), one sister has 3 and the other has 4 - my sister's 4 kids are the best behaved, they all seem to get on and I rarely hear bickering - they are lovely kids

I can understand your point but my 2 are the first babies in the family since my brother was born in 1984!

My aunt has no other family apart from her brother (my dad), my mum and us lot of course and my brother. Her and my parents are pretty well off and they spoil the kids, not materially, my mum is very practical and asks me what to get them at birthdays and christmas's. Sticks to clothes, educational stuff and we love a rake around the charity shops too so not everything is brand new. So I dont think they grudge spending on them.

When DS2 came along my mum joked that she would halve what she spends / gives DS1 and give the other half to DS2. I completely agreed and wish she had done, its her that spends the money but its me that has to find room for the stuff! lol

sarymclary

I am the youngest of 4 girls, but there is a very big age gap between me and my 2 eldest sisters, and 5 years between me and my next sister.

I have 4 boys, and I always wanted 4 children. I hate being asked, as I was yesterday by a door-to-door salesman, 'were you trying for a girl?'. 'No', I always reply, 'we were trying for a baby, and that's what we got'. I also have 2 step-sons, although only 1 of them has regular contact with his dad (the other one is a bit 'off the rails' living with his mum at the mo).

I remember my husbands older aunt once passing comment that I was constantly 'barefoot and pregnant', insinuating that my husband was using my pregnancies as a way of suppressing me! The fact that our babies were all very much planned and wanted seemed to count for nothing.

I have a reasonable age gap between my boys, so I have been able to enjoy their baby years, and have enough time to be with them along the way. I have 2 sets of 2 in some respects. The eldest is 17, my 2nd is 15, my 3rd is 11 and my youngest is 9.

I'm not quite sure why, but when I meet new people, and they discover I have 4 boys they look visibly astonished (perhaps I look too small and girly for it?), and then horrified at the prospect of what that might be like. When I tell them that it's really easy, and the key is to run a tight ship, organisation, strong boundaries and love.

Without fail whenever I take my boys to a party, or function people go out of their way to come up to me to comment on how well behaved they all are, and how delightful they are to speak to. It was my eldest sister's ruby anniversary party in July, and we all went along, and the following morning she spoke to my boys and thanked them for being so wonderful, and that other guests had told my sister how charming and well mannered they all were. Behaviour that I would expect anyway.

My other sister's daughter (one of 2 children, the other child refused to go to the party in favour of another mate's social function - a no-no in my house, family comes 1st) on the other hand sat in a mood all night, and made her parents leave early.

I think that provided you are prepared for the long haul, and accept that being a parent needs a selfless attitude most of the time, the rewards far and away exceed the downsides (no family of 4 offers apply, and you don't get many invites out as a whole family).

glitterycloud

Nutz666 wrote: »

Will all the kids get enough equal quality time with you? Can you afford to have more kids? I hated being part of a large family as I never got to spend much time with my parents as they were always looking after the younger ones. Kids always suffer in larger families.

I wouldn't say this is always a true remark but as 1 of 4 I hated bring part of a large family, I was 2nd born and 1st girl, I always felt isolated and left out with my friends. Our family were not well off by any means which meant that if my family could not afford for all of us to have something then none of us would. I lived in hand me downs from cousins and although my parents did their very best for us we often went without as they could not afford things.
As an adult I am only wanting 2 children my DH is also 1 of 4 and is agreed that we would not have more than 2. Having a large family can be great and fun but it can also be hard as money has to stretch more ways.

Pee

Good on you! Hopefully the people who say don't get any ideas are just trying - and ok failing - to be humourous and other people might just be checking you've stopped to think about all the implications - although surely the best person to understand what a family of four children would be like is the parent of the first three of those children.

I think however many children in a family and whatever the circumstances, childhood experiences do affect us all a lot through life. The truth is that there are pros and cons to every circumstance, so there will be benefits to your three in having another and also disadvantages. I only want one child and people are keen enough to tell me that this isn't workable. My boyfriend thinks it wouldn't be a good idea to have one because children should have brothers and sisters, point taken and as I get on well with my sister, I can see that not having her would be a huge disadvantage, but he never got on with his brother, no good childhood memories except how good his brother was at football, and now they are civil but have nothing in common so he agrees in his case it would have been no loss at all.

Triggles

Personally, I feel that family members feel that simply BECAUSE they are family that they can comment on things inappropriately and it will be excused. I don't agree with this idea, but heaven knows my family does it.

We just had baby #4 and are thrilled. There's quite an age gap between #2 and #3 though. My parents were shocked that we had another. My DH's parents thought it was great.

Obviously due to our age, we didn't have the niceties of saying "oh, well let's wait until we're financially a little better off" as by that time the window of opportunity would have passed. But we don't regret it at all. If we have to make a few sacrifices ourselves for financial reasons, then so be it. That's life as a parent.

I would say that having children is obviously a personal choice between you and your partner. As nobody else really has a right to have a say in it, your best bet is to ignore any negative feedback from family and friends, or better yet, get comfortable telling people that their opinion is not wanted in this matter.

Best of luck to you!

pinkshoes

I would LOVE to have 4 kids, but haven't even had one yet (been advancing the career so I can save enough to take time off to have kids!), and the biological clock will probably run out before I'd ever get to 4!

So long as you can afford 4 kids and aren't relying on benefits, I can't see why anyone would have a problem with it!

becs

We're currently still trying for number 1 and as I'm rapidly approaching 37 wouldn 't really be able to have lots of children if any! I would have loved a big family though but will happily settle for 2 if that's all we can have. My mum is one of 5 and I love the fact that there is so much extended family. I say good luck to you, if you can afford them I think there is nothing nicer than a large family.