First Grandchild - more love??

wannabe_sybil

My mother was the favourite of her grandfather. They were both similarly strong characters.

She was grandchild number 46 - yes, 46! Her mother was the youngest-but-one of eleven, and being one of eleven set something of a precedent.

It comes down to people being people. Some grandparents are wonderful and loving and some are not - you only have to read some of the threads on this board to see how some people are generous with love and some are not.

Good luck for the baby.

username456

valk_scot

My mum had five grandchildren and, frankly, never got that excited about any of them. They were nice to have and she liked seeing them now and again but inbetween times she'd quite literally forgot they existed. I remember phoning mum up when my sister's second baby was born to see if she wanted a lift to the hospital, and was told that no, she wasn't going to see the baby that day because she had a hairdressers appointment. I made her go anyway, but you could see she was wondering what all the fuss was about.

So, you know, grandparents differ. One thing I do know though is that if you don't deal with your own resentment over SIL's baby then it's going to cause problems for everyone, including yourself. Babies happen when they happen. Was she supposed to not get pregnant till you gave her permission or something?

pelirocco

valk_scot wrote: »

My mum had five grandchildren and, frankly, never got that excited about any of them. They were nice to have and she liked seeing them now and again but inbetween times she'd quite literally forgot they existed. I remember phoning mum up when my sister's second baby was born to see if she wanted a lift to the hospital, and was told that no, she wasn't going to see the baby that day because she had a hairdressers appointment. I made her go anyway, but you could see she was wondering what all the fuss was about.

So, you know, grandparents differ. One thing I do know though is that if you don't deal with your own resentment over SIL's baby then it's going to cause problems for everyone, including yourself. Babies happen when they happen. Was she supposed to not get pregnant till you gave her permission or something?

Lol are you my sister ?

Op what you are feeling re your SIL is natural I am sure we all have similer thoughts , even though we know we shouldnt

username456

galvanizersbaby

OP - glad to hear your feeling better re your SIL 'stealing your thunder' in a manner of speaking
One thing I learned from my own family is that not everyone plans/is as sensible/practical as I am - or should I say was as the years have probably made me a bit less so
Both my sister's had unplanned pregnancies quite young and they were very much a shock (for all concerned) but at the time I wasn't planning a family anyway and it was great to have babies in the family.
Several years on both my sisters have gone on to have more children and got married and both have large happy families.

I was known as the 'sensible' one and after getting engaged/ marrying having two children (doing it all the right way round as mum would say I ended up getting divorced after 5 years of marriage - I am happy now but I have since learnt that life doesn't always turn out the way you plan it!

Good luck with it all

carolan78

arls I understand where your coming from and I think in your position I would have been a little resentful too. We are only human and can't help how we feel, it doesn't mean you won't love this new baby as an Aunty. So don't feel guilty for your initial feelings.

One thing to think about when your time comes is inviting both sets of Grandparents to be at the hospital when your first child is born. I think this helps with the bond. My parents took up my offer with both and my Mum even ended up in the delivery room for both births (with my husband) and my Dad for the first was in the waiting room for over 24 hours (was a lonnnnng labour lol), for my second he had my DD and was at the hospital within 5 minutes of my DS been born.

They have a stronger bond with both children compared to DH's parents who came a few days after each child was born. Don't get me wrong DH's parents are fantastic Grandparents and love the children dearly, there's just a little more there with my Mum and Dad.

Gingham_Ribbon

The important thing is how much you will love the baby. And I agree about the hand-me-downs! Not only will it save you loads of money, but it will be lovely to see your little one in the clothes/playing with the toys that his/her lovely cousin used before.

This is a time for celebration for all of you, but it's natural to have tricky feelings about it all too.

Zara33

With all due respect you do want what she has, she has the first grand child and you wanted to be the first to do this. The way I read your post was that your jealous of her, that was certainly the way it came across to me.
However at the end of the day I'm just words on the internet, just be happy and enjoy what you have.

galvanizersbaby

carolan78 wrote: »

arls I understand where your coming from and I think in your position I would have been a little resentful too. We are only human and can't help how we feel, it doesn't mean you won't love this new baby as an Aunty. So don't feel guilty for your initial feelings.

One thing to think about when your time comes is inviting both sets of Grandparents to be at the hospital when your first child is born. I think this helps with the bond. My parents took up my offer with both and my Mum even ended up in the delivery room for both births (with my husband) and my Dad for the first was in the waiting room for over 24 hours (was a lonnnnng labour lol), for my second he had my DD and was at the hospital within 5 minutes of my DS been born.

They have a stronger bond with both children compared to DH's parents who came a few days after each child was born. Don't get me wrong DH's parents are fantastic Grandparents and love the children dearly, there's just a little more there with my Mum and Dad.

Am just chuckling as this would have been my idea of hell when I was having my kids!
Perhaps it depends on your parents/in laws - I could probably have coped with my mum in this situation but certainly not the others :rotfl: