husband wont go!!

longwalks1

Hi

My close friend is 30 and married with 2 children (4 and 6 years old), her husband is a lot older, 45 and they live together in rented place from the council in joint names. Things aren’t working out anymore and basically my friend wants husband out for a number of reasons which I won’t list, lets just call it constant unreasonable behaviour. They’re in separate rooms and have been for months, but that’s as far as he is willing to go, she’s come to the end of her tether and its stressing her out, getting her down and making her life a misery, what options has she got?

Ideally she’d like him out and to keep the home she’s built up for the children as all their friends live close by, but obviously husband doesn’t want to give up a cheap place to go and pay twice what they currently pay on a small flat privately.

Any advice would be greatly recieved, she just doesnt know where to start or who to speak to

Many thanks in advance

three2be

no idea where you are but if she goes to the council they can advise her. most of them when it is a joint tenancy will offer both parties the opportunity to give up their part of the tenancy if both refuse it gets out sourced and they make the decision. both of them just give their reasons for staying. not a guarantee that she will get it but most go with the mother and child. hth

mrcow

britishboy wrote: »

but obviously husband doesn’t want to give up a cheap place to go and pay twice what they currently pay on a small flat privately.

Maybe it's more to do with the fact that he wants to be with his children?

Has she sought legal advice?

smithyjules

My parents are in a similar situation. they are living together in a 3 bed ex-council house that they jointly own with my 2 younger siblings. My mum has finally had enough of the constant bickering( which has become quite aggressive in tone from both sides) between them and from the outside it may seem that she is very hard done by (for want of a better term).She has decided he should go asap. The problem is is that my dad is currently unemployed (although worked 60 hour weeks for years when i was younger and paid the mortgage for many years while mum stayed at home with us) and really wants to stay with his kid's. Mum seems to think it's as easy as "go and see the council they'll give you a place"-not so! and to be honest it is not entirely my dad's fault at all. They are the most incompatible couple i know!i have always wondered what it was that kept them together this long! I couldn't live with either of them again and not just because they are my parents.

My point is...Not everything is black and white and where we are close to someone it is hard to be objective. My dad is faced with not seeing his kid's everyday because of a marriage break up which is going to be awful for him even if he isn't particularly happy now.

It's a hard time for everyone involved.my thoughts are with you as you try and support your friend

NAR

smithyjules wrote: »

My point is...Not everything is black and white and where we are close to someone it is hard to be objective. My dad is faced with not seeing his kid's everyday because of a marriage break up which is going to be awful for him even if he isn't particularly happy now.

It's a hard time for everyone involved.my thoughts are with you as you try and support your friend

I totally agree with this; all is not always as it seems.

ariba10

If it is that bad. Why is she still there?

esmerellda

My husband wouldnt leave, so i did taking the children with me. I don't get housing or council tax benefit because he won't sell the house and I struggle to cope on income support, CTC and Child Benefit. BUT I and the kids are much much happier. 18 months later he's just started to pay some child maintenance (though he didnt last month cause he had the kids for a week and apparently that means he needn't give me anything lol). It was bloody hard cause I adored my house and had friends, schools etc near.

Anyway point being, if she really is unhappy, she CAN do it on her own.

esmerellda

Unreasonable behaviour needn't be violence - although it is more easily recognised by the authorities, emotional abuse is recognised and valid and there is support and advice out there. I didnt have anything you could ''evidence'' so to get out the situation I had no choice but to leave. I wasnt strong enough to try and make him go. Took me 3 years before I did it and I regret it taking so long.

Bethankim

Hy heart goes out to her, cause she now has a fight on her hands. I am almost at the end of a 6 week nightmare and just hope it wont be many more weeks.

what i have learnt:

as joint secure tennants under the law both of them have equal right to the tenancy.

She needs to protect her self because either one of them can give notice - leaving the other under 28 day notice of homelessness - the person not giving notice would get help (so what ever she does - she cannot give notice or she will have major problems getting housed)

If he is unreasonable and domestic abuse is happening - it doesnt have to be physical - there are more avenues of help - she needs to speak to the council and fast.

If he refuses to go and she cant get help via domestic violence - a family law solicitor is what she needs - i was advised under the family law act (clause something) because she has children she can ask the court to grant her the tenancy -
1 - they send a letter asking him to leave - if he says no
2. mediation will happen - if he still says no
3. Court.

the reality is that as she has children, and u less he has a priroty need and is deemed a vulnerable adult he may be forced to go. But he may hold out in the mean time

I have dealt with a brilliant housing officer - my now ex has mental health problems and has got worse - thank fully my council have used their discretionary powers to hlep us without going to court.


But first off Legal Advice, i went through shelter and CAB but to be honest it such a pain - the joint secure tenancy bit
we looked at my ex going, which he is willing to do, but no deposit, on benefits and to be honest not well enough made our problem more a catch 22 situation.

If id known i needed a fmaily law specialist i would have done it 6 weeks ago.

so
1 - speak to the council and explain the situation and get a reciept with a record of the conversation.
2. get a lawyer

Good luck

Bob_the_Saver

britishboy wrote: »

hi

my close friend is 30 and married with 2 children (4 and 6 years old), her husband is a lot older, 45 and they live together in rented place from the council in joint names. Things aren’t working out anymore and basically my friend wants husband out for a number of reasons which i won’t list, lets just call it constant unreasonable behaviour. They’re in separate rooms and have been for months, but that’s as far as he is willing to go, she’s come to the end of her tether and its stressing her out, getting her down and making her life a misery, what options has she got?

ideally she’d like him out and to keep the home she’s built up for the children as all their friends live close by, but obviously husband doesn’t want to give up a cheap place to go and pay twice what they currently pay on a small flat privately.

any advice would be greatly recieved, she just doesnt know where to start or who to speak to

many thanks in advance

Why should he, it's his home If he isn't violent that is.

Bethankim

Forget the adults for a moment - the chilren have a right to a home without being uprooted. the adults have choices the children dont. If the relationship is in such a state of no return then. One of the parents needs to take responsibility for the children - mum or dad, so who ever does should have the greater right to stay not for themselves but for the children.