Relationship Imploding; Where Do I Stand?

Zazen999

What a kn0b.

I'd be inclined to give him a 'thank you' card and £20 and thank him for being who he is; and send him off down the pub to spend it and whilst he is gone; do the locks/clothes/possessions thing. Really cheap bin bags so that the stuff falls out when he tries to put it in the car, which of course will have flat tyres so he can't drive it.

icequeen1969

Chuck him out, the useless cheating lying swine. Sooner rather than better.
Honey, it's never too late,,youre 41,,I've got many friends who have not started a family til after their careers have gotten off the ground in their mid-late 40s.

mumhug

I just wanted to say that i think you are amazing for showing such strength , I hope once you have thrown out he rubbish you are able to find someone who deserves you.xx

ladypinkof66

I too op want to say well done you deserve so much better been through a similar situation myself a few years back not quite as long only 5 years but I am so pleased I was strong. You will find someone who deserves you more. Please let us know how you get on.

You have my admiration it must be hard for you in your situation.

BitterAndTwisted

I'm just worried that Mr WasteOfSpace will read the OP's opening post and recognise the sh1tstain being describes as himself. I sincerely hope that won't be the case. I'd love to be a fly on the wall when the day of reckoning arrives, I really would, I reckon I'd turn into one of those morons in the audience on Jerry Springer.

Back to the OP: the meeting someone else and maybe having a family is really NOT totally out of the question yet: if you're lucky you've got about ten years until the dreaded menopause, so it's not too late.

Zazen999

Me too; OP - perhaps it might be wise to get rid of some of the original facts and figures.

MissMitch

BestServedCold, I really feel for you hun, I've been through some of that myself, only thankfully mine was only 2 and a half years wasted, but all the texts and 'visits' to the ex wife, the ex girlfriends, random women he met in the pub - and it would have been a lot more if he wasn't too stupid to use the internet properly! :rotfl:

I have no idea on the legal stuff since he moved into my house so it was easy for me to get rid of him...but I know what it feels like to feel you've been a complete mug and wonder why this has all happened to you, but my advice is DON'T! Kick the useless to$$er out, pick youself up, dust yourself down and move on...Some people are just wired that way, they just treat people like s***, it might be down to their own self-esteem but really don't waste your energy trying to figure out why, just make sure you work on looking after yourself and working out some boundaries for future relationships so if you ever recognise any of those traits in a partner again you run for the hills a.s.a.p.

Also, it's generally not very easy to get rid of someone who thinks they're on a meal ticket, so be very tough and resolute once you've made the break. I've (hopefully) managed to get the message through my ex's thick skin now, but it's taken the best part of this year. BTW, I'm 39 and I don't have kids...but I have to say I've been working hard on my happiness since I split with him and I think I'm pretty much the happiest and most confident I've ever been right now! good luck hun! xxxx

Edit: Just wanted to add that my post sounds like I was able to parcel up my feelings and move on easily, which wasn't the case...I loved him, still love things about him, and strange but true I think he loves me as far as he's capable of it! But I made myself think of all the crappy times and bad memories every time I got a bit soppy...or he tried the "we need to try and sort this out" routine. I just knew that wasn't the life for me.

Bethankim

Im so sorry you are facing this,

although not in such an extreme position i do understand the loss of hope and dreams, i thought id finally met my forever man and today have admitted to myself and best friend he isnt..im waiting for him to leave and its very hard but i know its the right thing.

Be strong, you deserve better and deserve to be someones number 1 on an equal footing not someones emotional crutch and meal ticket.

Debt_Free_Chick

You must get proper advice but, FWIW, I don't think he has acquired a beneficial interest in the property.

The work that he's done has probably only covered his "board & lodgings", if that! If you have all your budgets/spending over the past 10 years or so that would be good, but don't sweat it as he would have to prove that he's acquired a BI and that's pretty much impossible without him having contributed a single penny to the bills, let alone the mortgage.

My only other suggestion is that you get this sorted - all sorted, completely - and force yourself to move on, completely. Don't have any reason to "stay in touch" so make sure all the practicalities are sorted. It's hard; it's cold; but it's the best thing for your sanity and future happiness. Don't prolong the agony!

minimoneysaver

OP, i've read your posting... not had time to read replies, but don't you think you give rather a lot of detail? I'm sure the low life will recognise himself from what you've said.
I'm not surprised he's begged to stay in the past, afterall, he's got a free ride. Fancy him going ahead and having the chop without you knowing! You are not too old to have a child. There is always artifical insemination.
Good luck and get as much advice as you can before you act. If he's the type of guy to fly off the hook, make sure you have someone there for you.