Relationship Imploding; Where Do I Stand?

foxy-roxy

You sound really calm, but i know you won't be, you are probably in huge shock, but i really really feel for you.
He is obviously just using you for a free meal ticket, i can't believe some people can be so stupid, selfish and arrogant, (him not you)
He will be so sorry when he has lost you because i cannot see anyone ever doing as much for him as you have done.
Get him out ASAP and see a solicitor making sure he has no stake on anything of yours although i very much doubt he will, if he is not working and if he has any ounce of decency in his shallow dirty mind then he will walk away hanging his head in shame.

Good Luck.

Bufger

i read the first few lines including 'i pay for everything' and 'he lives in a house i own'. also 'no job because of...'.

You're making excuses for his behaviour. Everyone gets depressed but the only way you get out of that is a kick up the backside. If hes not supporting you or his kids then whats the use of having him? He would have to be absolutely earth shatteringly amazing in bed to allow you to pay for absolutely everything.

Imagine what your life would be like with someone that paid half towards everything. I'm pretty sure you could do nicer things than support someone that feels sorry for themselves all day.

zzzLazyDaisy

OMG, what a scary story. That could happen to any one of us. (((hugs)))

In the circumstances you describe he does not have a claim on your house.

He would have had to do something over and above decorating/maintenance/paying a contribution to general upkeep (and from what you say there hasn't been much of that going on anyway).

So, if for example you had a joint account specifically for the mortgage, and he could show he paid a certain amount into each month, that might be evidence that he has built up a share in the house.

OR if he paid for an extension out of his own funds, that might entitle him to claim a share of the property.

But even then, he'd have to challenge you in court for it, and he doesn't have the money to throw at legal fees, does he?

Personally, I'd kick him out now. You are feeding him and paying the bills he runs up while you are out at work. With him off your back, you'll have more money to spare, and more importantly, peace of mind.

mum2one

pgilc1 wrote: »

Firstly, find yourself a GOOD divorce solicitor. Not a cheap one, not an efficient one, not a paper pusher, but a GOOD aggressive divorce solicitor.

THEN go and see them, and let them advise you on the best and most cost effective (in terms of your assets) way to get the !!!!!! out of your life.

You will have people all over the place telling you the best thing to do - friends, relatives, parents, HIM and all sorts of emotional pressure. Stick to what the solicitor advises and keep it FORMAL.

This guy is a waste of skin.

I honestly dont know this poster, but I woul say this is the best piece of advice that you will hear.

Keep a paper trail, and get copies of everything that you can, prints offs, phone bills, anything, is there somewhere safe you can keep them away from the home. You need to also consider doing a SOA - statement of affairs, showing your income and where everything goes, do you keep bank statements.

Even if from today, you start a paper trail, every bit of evidence you need.

I am so sorry he turned out to be such an ar*se hole, my ex did the dirty on me, basically told me he had moved up here, to start a new life as his wife had left him and he wanted a fresh start while the divorce proceedings were going through, they hadn't got kids (which was the only true words he ever spoke).
His wife had left him ok, but not when we'd met, a couple of month later, as she had new accomodation - courtesy of her majestys pleasure. I know from the short time we were together I had to have supply proof to the solicitor of events, hense the paper trail.

GFood luck, and I am so sorry your haveing to go through all this. You've done the right thing use a "new id", just make sure, once you have come out of posting under this ID, you sign into your original, if he does check anything, your covered all angles. xx

TeetersOnHeels

You must have such a mixed up head full of emotions right now!
To be honest I'd be looking for some freebie time with a solicitor as soon as-just so you've got one thing clear in your mind, knowing where you stand financially.(and if he's no claim on anything, tell him to whistle for the car too!!)
Then, unless the house repairs are major structural ones which would cost a bomb to fix and would affect a survey/HIP report, I'd do what others have suggested, change the locks, have everything of his packed on the front for when he gets back. And as far as the repairs go I'd sooner take a small drop on the sale price and start my new job, in a new place, without having to hang around waiting for him to pull his finger out and do a bit to the house.
It would be interesting to see how many of his lady friends were still interested when he was homeless!!!
I hope everything works out for you, and as someone said previously, you never know whats round the corner, and you may be surprised at how quickly things can happen for the better.

miserly_mum

Should have said I ,although I already had children so not quite the same scenario as you but......after being single for 6 years long years and thinking i'd never find Mr Right......I did.

I had my youngest child at 39 &1/2. Text Book pregnancy and a lovely healthy child. You are not too old/late to have children by any means.

In all honesty maybe it's a blessig you didn't have a child with this man,you'd have had him like a millstone round your neck for years.

BestServedCold

I think what i'll have to do is confide in my mum as her new husband is a solicitor and hopefully can offer some advice to enable me to get out of this without hassle.

Bufger - no excuses here. nothing he could suffer from could ever excuse the lies and the way he's treated me. Yes, i did pay for everything because until i uncovered the deception i thought we had a solid relationship and he was studying from home for a career which would suit him better than his old one. I'm probably guilty of being a soft-touch, sure. That's something else i've got to come to terms with along with all the other stuff.

Foxy - oh believe me i'm not calm inside i'm just trying hard to stomp down on the rage and grief because i know it's not going to help me right now. First i have to get out of this position and then i'll 'grieve' (for want of a better word) when i'm on my own and he can't see what he's done to me.

I know life will go on and i just have to get through the next few weeks.

carolinosourus

BestServedCold wrote: »

Foxy - oh believe me i'm not calm inside i'm just trying hard to stomp down on the rage and grief because i know it's not going to help me right now. First i have to get out of this position and then i'll 'grieve' (for want of a better word) when i'm on my own and he can't see what he's done to me.

I know life will go on and i just have to get through the next few weeks.

I know I wasn't with my ex for anything like the amount of time you were, only 3 1/2 years but when I made the decision that it had to finish I cried for about 2 days, then woke up on the 3rd and it was like a huge weight had been lifted from me. TBH I hadn't actually realised how much he and the situation was dragging me down. You might be ok sooner than you realise

zzzLazyDaisy

BestServedCold wrote: »

First i have to get out of this position and then i'll 'grieve' (for want of a better word) when i'm on my own and he can't see what he's done to me.

Of course you'll grieve. You are entitled to. You have lost the man you thought he was, and with him your hopes and dreams for the future. But you also know you've had a lucky escape, and that knowledge will help you to pick yourself up and start again.

lilmissmup

No big advice from me either i just really feel for you right now.

I am so sorry this guy has done this to you and i hope you have the strength to get through this, everyone here can give advice and lend an ear as we have nearly all been through some heartbreak or are going through some.