Intimacy and Body issues

youngandworried

Hi again everyone,

thanks for all the advice and lovely words.

katy83 - yes i should be proud of myself, tbh though this 'fixation' with the stomach, sort of takes over from what I've achieved through the weight loss, tend to sort of forget about it. I might see if I can get some free counselling through GP - NLP or something similar.

narabanekeater - that's made me feel better about men and their views, maybe I'm being too harsh on them. I think I'm 70/30 going to have it done though. I do want kids, but I might not have them to 30, or even later, that's 9 years of having this stomach - i think my self esteem will improve, even just my shape in clothes - sick of wearing smocks - I dress like I'm pregnant, but do wear spanx for specila occasions and dates:D

sarahs999

Hi young and worried. I feel for you, I too hate my tummy. I've had a baby but it was rubbish looking way before that, if I'm honest.

I think the thing you need to do is talk to a reputable consultant about what the surgery means for you if you were to have a baby in later years. What's the worst that could happen? That way you can make more of an informed decision. I have a scar from my caesarean and it's so low that you can't see it unless you're seriously intimate with me! Would the scar be that low for you? I know myself that I would prefer a scar to a flappy belly, because I've been living with both for years. Lots of people will tell you to love the body you're in and the poster who said that you had low self esteem adn were focussing your angst on your belly was quite right - but at the same time you know yourself better than anyone else. You are the one who has to live with what you decide. Good luck.

scrimpingbadger

I'm the loose skin queen!! I've gone from 24.5 stone to 17.5 st and frankly, it's not a pretty sight.

But it is me. Part of my life and part of who I am.

This saggy body has done 2 half marathons and one full marathon. It's also given birth. It has withstood years of food abuse.

I refuse to hate it. Respect to the bod!

It's about confidence - OK I don't go round in a bikini but nor do I apologise for it.

I hope you start thinking of yourself in kinder terms soon. I think you've done brilliantly losing the weight, by the way!!

carefullycautious

Have you tried regular swimming. I too have tummy issues and when I used to swim regulary it really helped the muscles tighten.

agree with other posters above I have weight issues and my hubby of 35 years is stick thin. However, he loves me for who I am and doesnt understand why I keep on about my body. He says he loves me and that is all that matters

BitterAndTwisted

I honestly think that if you go and talk to your GP, after all the hard work you've put in to put things right after your weight-loss, you should be a reasonable candidate for the op on the NHS. Ask to be referred to a consultant Plastic Surgeon. The waiting-lists can be rather long but your GP should be aware of those consultants whose lists are shortest and who are also very experienced in doing this kind of procedure. PLEASE make sure you impress on the both the GP and the consultant how desperate you are for the procedure: if you don't you might risk being put on the "routine list" at the back of the pile for ages. I made this mistake myself a long time ago and waited for nearly 15 years for my op (not the same procedure as you're seeking). It's my suspicion
that the post-op scar you're talking about could be kept below what a bikini might reveal like a lot of the Caesarian scars do, so that really wouldn't be so bad.

The skin-healing you describe is a concern: have you looked into any dietary supplements you might be able to take you help with this?

I know it's a hoary, old cliche but please try to not focus purely on this aspect of your appearance (easy to say, hard to do) as I'm absolutely certain that there are aspects of your appearance that lots of other woman envy. I expect there are ladies out there who envy you your beautiful hair, gorgeous legs and superb bust, an adorably pretty face never mind your lovely personality and character.

A visit to a corsetiere might be in order to find some flattering and supportive underthings which might help to give you a boost as well. I'd have a look to see if there's a Rigby & Peller anywhere near you: they specialise in all sorts of garments for post-op ladies of all kinds so they won't be phased at all in what you you're looking for.

GOOD LUCK AND KEEP YOUR CHIN UP!

xmaslolly76

No man who truely loves you would be bothered about your tummy chick i have exactly the same kind of fold granted mine is from having kids but it hasnt stopped me pulling my self a lush toyboy of 25 (im 33) its all about confidence if you can build that up and exude it then you will come across as sexy no matter what your shape and size. Please please please think very long and hard before having any surgery i struggled for years with thinking i had to go under the knife to sort it out im so glad i didn't.

Goodluck for the future :-) x

newcook

Ive had stretchmarks since I was 11 and had a massive growth spurt!! unfortunately they are on the back of my knees so skirts (unless I wear tights) have never been an option. since then with getting older and putting on weight I have more to add to my collection - I have them on my hips, elbows, thighs and even on my back!! but you know what - blokes honestly dont notice them as much as we do!! my last 2 long term boyfriends didnt even know I had them until I pointed them out when I refused to wear a skirt without tights!!!!

you will find a bloke who loves you FOR YOU not for what you look like (and when you do can you make sure he has a brother for me !!!)

busiscoming2

Hi, congrats on all the weight loss and keeping to the healthy regime. I spent most of my teens and twenties worrying about and covering up my large thighs (with stretch marks gained through growth spurt) and believed I was fat (I was jsut under 9 stone!). It wasn't until I had my 3 children I decided I'd wasted enough time covering up and freting about what I looked like, so I learnt to love my body, yes I'd love a flat tummy, thin thighs, less wrinkles etc, etc, but life is too short.
You are beautiful, look at yourself in a different light, go forward as you are and enjoy yourself. Good men will love you as you are. My oh loves my fat tummy!
Be brave.

elliebobs

I totally appreciate where you're coming from; I was convinced that I was huge and grotesque and deliberately stayed clear of men for years as I just could not envisage being in position where they would see me naked. Surgery wasn't really an option as this ten or so years ago and it wasn't as widely available and I just didn't have the funds.

Anyway, fast forward to me now at the ripe old age of 37 and do you know what; I look at the very few photos of me at that time and I wish I looked like that now!!!!!! I'm not saying that it's all in your mind but I'm willing to bet that it's nowhere near as bad as what you think.

I get angry at myself now for all those years that I now consider wasted and all those opportunities that I didn't explore; I fully intend to make up for it now though!.

Please don't upset yourself and try to remember that no one is perfect.

Take care

E
xxx

dorisday

Hi just going to add my twopennys worth. After having two children and going from 7st up to 14st and then loosing the weight my stomach was as you say looking like an apron with stretch marks. I tried all the exercise sit ups and constant dieting. It was ok with my husband as he had seen me before and knew this was because of my pregnancies, My skin is also find and easily bruises and full of deep stretch marks. Anyhow after the death of my husband it was awful being in a relationship with someone who hadnt seen me before the huge stomach so some years ago think I was 48 I took the plunge and had a tummy tuck - best thing I ever did (apart from ther bust reduction - 2 years ago) I do have a scar from hip to hip but I can wear trousers without it appearing that Im pregnant, with clothes on it looks great. Without clothes I still think the scar is preferrable to the apron stomach. Its what is going to make you feel good about yourself and not what some guy thinks about you. But be warned if you put weight on after the surgery you will be back to square one. Best of luck in any choice you make. x