Intimacy and Body issues

youngandworried

DKLS wrote: »

A lot of men simply dont care, My best mate ,his missus has had 4 C sections and to be honest her tummy isnt the prettiest perfectly toned and sculptured tum and she has been very hung up about it, but my mate loves her tummy, as that shows the battle scars that makes her a mother. He once admitted to me whilst being a bit tipsy that he is hugely turned on by her scars.

Thanks DKLS, it's great to have a man's perspective. I think though for most men, yes of course they don't mind, because they have a child as a result of her battle scars - and it's a sign, as you say of what she has gone through to create a life.

Me, on the other hand is a little different - I'm sure if I had a child, I wouldn't care, but I don't, I am responsible for it, through binge eating,

I have to explain all that to him, and then the tummy and it just brings up all the past and I'm over that now, but in a way I am reminded every day, when I see myself in the mirror.

lostinrates

young and worried I could weep for you. Honestly, when you find the man who is right for you, it won't matter.

My body is wrecked by illness, operations and fat, and has been since my early twenties, (I'm now thirty) yet my husband tells me as he holds me I'm beautiful and sexy and I know thats what he sees, genuinely, when he looks at me. Love and intimacy includes loving those things that are imperfect as much as the perfect bits: DH is a lovely looking man but the bits I love most are the bits he's less proud of. By all means have the operation if you want it, a scar should not be turnoff either (in fact I rather like my scars, each tels a story of a battle won, or )at least lost but survived). Just know that as hard as you find it to believe men, good catches of men, can find us beautiful, even when we are not perfect.

emmzy

Um I dont know how I managed it I put it off for weeks and eventually he wound me up every day it got so much I stopped caring and needed sex lol

Honestly when its right it wont matter youll get over it and wonder what all that worrying was about because he wont even notice and any man thats worth it should tell you your gorgeous every day and build your confidance anyway

Thanks for the congrats

youngandworried

lostinrates wrote: »

young and worried I could weep for you. Honestly, when you find the man who is right for you, it won't matter.

My body is wrecked by illness, operations and fat, and has been since my early twenties, (I'm now thirty) yet my husband tells me as he holds me I'm beautiful and sexy and I know thats what he sees, genuinely, when he looks at me. Love and intimacy includes loving those things that are imperfect as much as the perfect bits: DH is a lovely looking man but the bits I love most are the bits he's less proud of. By all means have the operation if you want it, a scar should not be turnoff either (in fact I rather like my scars, each tels a story of a battle won, or )at least lost but survived). Just know that as hard as you find it to believe men, good catches of men, can find us beautiful, even when we are not perfect.

I'm sitting in my local library with tears pouring down my face at this post. How beautifully written..

Thank the lord it's quiet, and the poor old lady behind the desk is looking over very worried..

Minxy_Bella

youngandworried wrote: »

Thanks DKLS, it's great to have a man's perspective. I think though for most men, yes of course they don't mind, because they have a child as a result of her battle scars - and it's a sign, as you say of what she has gone through to create a life.

Me, on the other hand is a little different - I'm sure if I had a child, I wouldn't care, but I don't, I am responsible for it, through binge eating,

I have to explain all that to him, and then the tummy and it just brings up all the past and I'm over that now, but in a way I am reminded every day, when I see myself in the mirror.

Sweetie - it seems to me that there's not much self-esteem radiating from your posts on this thread and that your tummy is what you're focussed on as the cause of all your troubles and if you 'sorted' that, then everything would be cool and groovy.

I know people who've had tummy tucks and they are massively major operations, not to be undertaken without a great deal of research and thought (not forgetting money!). A couple of them are happy with their ops, but most regret it tbh. It's some random person (usually a bloke) slicing into you with a scalpel. It's not a magic wand.

I have had weight issues all my life - sometimes I gain control over my food demons, sometimes I don't - but the one thing that's never changed is that I have always been able to pull the fellas, whether I've been a size 10 or 20 - because I wear nice clothes and am well-groomed. It helps that I have a saucy glint in my eye too (or at least I did before I got re-married ). Trust me, most men do not give a hoot what your belly looks like - they want to make love to YOU.

Relax, enjoy being young (!!!) and you will find that when you meet a man who's worthy of your attentions, you won't be able to keep your hands off him and your stomach will be the last thing on your mind.:D

xxx

janninew

Young and Worried I felt so sad when I read your post.

All I can say is the same as all the other people who have responded on here. Everybody had hang ups and bits they don't like, but it is so true that the people who matter won't care. I don't know one person who is happy with their body. I know its such a cliche but it really is what's on the inside that matters.

You need to think long and hard about this operation, do lots of research, only you can decide what to do.

Take care.
Janninew x

P.S Have a hug from me. :grouphug:

eternal_sunshine

lostinrates wrote: »

bits I love most are the bits he's less proud of.

This is so true of me as well-my boyfriend doesn't like his nose or his stomach and I think they are lovely! I think we are all quite harsh on how we look and it can be hard to believe that anyone would find that parts we hate attractive, but it happens all the time

lostinrates

youngandworried wrote: »

I'm sitting in my local library with tears pouring down my face at this post. How beautifully written..

Thank the lord it's quiet, and the poor old lady behind the desk is looking over very worried..

Thank you. . Its all true though. I know its hard to ''love yourself'' but you can at least pretend you do for a while, til its true. Under clothes at least, some supportive knickers should help, and some time spent enhancing your good features and taking pride in them is, in many cases, not vain or selfish, but time well spent. Smell good, look nice and be a nice person, try and live well. The right man will find you, and he'll think you are th most beautiful woman he's seen.

Now, with leaky eyes and feeling glum that guy is not going to notice you, is he?

Can you go for a nice walk? Get some fresh air and enjoy being alive? Look for nice things to see that make you happy?

eternal_sunshine, with my dh its his upper arms: he thinks they are too short, I see them as strong, and his slightly short legs, but they are so beautiful, really toothsome thighs with not hint of the chicken leg about them. Aren't we a funny species? The idea that the amaing people we love could think we couldn't love them because of short arms, wobbly tummies or noses! When they are the people that they are!

Katy83

youngandworried,

My heart totally goes out to you when reading this. I have been in a very similar situation, I have lost six and a half stone, going from a size 24 to a size 12 and have a significant amount of loose skin on my stomach and thighs and stretch marks all over these bits as well as my calves, arms and boobs. I'm 26 and have seriously considered a tummy tuck as well.

Honestly, I wouldn't do it, I know how heartbreaking it can be to look in the mirror and not see a model's body, especially when you work so hard for it. But if you try and take a step back and remember what you used to see in the mirror what you have got now is amazing, you should be so so proud of yourself. Those stretchmarks and loose skin are a testament to your achievement. Losing weight is one of the hardest things you will ever do and keeping it off is even harder - well done.

One thing you have to remember is that everybody, men and women have got body hang ups. Believe me, any man you are with will be worrying about what you think of them! Go out on dates, you don't have to sleep with anyone, a bit of fun and a confidence boost is great. Go to the gym changing room and you'll see that all women, of every shape and size has body issues...it's not just you.

Believe me, it is not worth the expense, stress and risks of an operation. Not to mention the fact that you would have to have it redone on being pregnant and that while you were recovering from it then you would not be able to exercise and may be at risk of putting on weight again.

Anyway, sorry for the rambling post, please, please give this decision some time and some real thought. I promise you that you don't look as bad as you think and that no-one would look at you and think you are awful. Well done on losing this weight, that is a huge achievment and you should pat yourself on the back and please try and stop beating yourself up. Life is too short to give yourself such a hard time.

Feel free to PM me if you want to talk more, xx

narabanekeater

I couldnt read and run I know exactly how you feel. I had DD and lost all the baby weight and fell great then fell pregnant again with Ds and hes 18 months now and ive just lost 4 stone
Ive always has stretch marks. DH doesnt care and my one parner before him didnt either. Whoever above said that men dont care if there genuine men is very true
Im in the situation now where ive saived 5k for a private tuck but am thinking of what I could do with the money
All my mates are skinny and having to buy size 20 but nice clothes was awful. Now im a 12-14 and my confidence has soared.
You are very young and havent had children yet assuming you would like them
But if you decide surgery is for you then good luck