InaPickle getting out of a pickle!

Radish72

Susie

If is was me I think I would like a phone call, someone to talk to , cry to and listen to

Maybe you could make up a photo album if you have any shared photos of you all together, you could email her a slide show of them all

When my Uncle died, I always remeber my Aunty when we were leaving after the funeral asking us "To not forget her"

InaPickle

Radish72 wrote: »

Susie

If is was me I think I would like a phone call, someone to talk to , cry to and listen to

Maybe you could make up a photo album if you have any shared photos of you all together, you could email her a slide show of them all

When my Uncle died, I always remeber my Aunty when we were leaving after the funeral asking us "To not forget her"

Good point, Radish.

And try to make a point of ringing up a few weeks after the funeral as well, just to see how she is, and do it as regularly as you can as once her husband is buried, most people will just go back to their everyday activities and forget to see how she is coping. (Not maliciously, of course, but that's just how life is sometimes.

taxi73

Think the phone calls are a fantastic idea and would help here a lot.

NorthernLas

Susie -

Maybe you could send your friend a 'book of hugs'?

OK, this is an idea that is coming straight out of my head (i.e. no brain - mouth filter and therefore may seem or even be a little wacky), so hang on in there ...

When my OH died suddenly in May 2007, the things I most appreciated were my friends who had the bottle to ask how can we help and what do you need. Actually, I was gobsmacked by their kindness and compassion that continued for months and still continues today). Life moves on and I have a new OH (well new to me anyway ) and I have been able to repay some of the kindness by sharing what I have learned with others.

So, here we go ... I am guessing that your friend will be feeling a little numb and will be running on adrenaline at present. You are quite correct, she doesn't need flowers as others will have that covered. And actually, you don't know what she needs unless you ask (but now is not the time for this ...).

How can you help long distance ...

- you can send her seeds, so she can plant them and remember the happy times she spent with you and her OH;
- you can send a home made booklet of thoughts to get her through the day (see anything by Louise Hay, Patience Strong for inspiration);
- you can offer to be a sounding board for her, so that when she needs to vent, she can email you. I had an arrangement with a friend that she would title her email ADVICE REQUIRED / RANT / OPINION needed and I would reply appropriately depending on what she needed (I could add that she could have put a deadline like immed / 24 hours / this week - but we never needed it);
- you could do photo booklet on snapfish / vista print or virgin (small booklets can be got free or you only pay P&P);
- you could find out about people to speak to/with as she comes through her grief (in the UK there is Cruise and most local cancer centres offer bereavement help as do GP surgeries if you are persistent enough);
- you could find out about the 5 stages of grief (I found that grief is not a straight line i.e. once you have done it's not happening, you move on to why me?, for me it was a helix i.e. groundhog day several times but on a different floor of the same subject!)

So, how did my friends help ...
- they let me stay and did my washing
- they called in for tea
- they fed me
- they sent me emails
- they called me up regularly (one person I last worked with in 1994 and we exchanged xmas cards only called me every couple of months for more than a year)
- they asked what help I needed
- they took me on holiday
- they let me talk until I was 'talked out'
- they let me say nothing if that is what I needed
- they held my hand (physically, electronically, metaphorically), so i did not feel alone

Any more info just PM me

NL x

InaPickle

That's exactly the kind of thing, NL!

I'm sorry to hear about your OH, by the way.

Are you back from holiday yet?

Siouxsie32

Aw, thanks everyone. I got such a nice vibe when I first discovered this thread (thanks Pickle) that I felt among friends. I knew someone would help me out if I just put my problem out there. I'm sorry some of you have first hand experience of this but it's definitely helped me out. I just called my friend but her answer machine kicked in so I just left a message saying that I'm here and I'll contact her again soon. I've got a nice little card that I'll send to her in the meantime too.

InaPickle

susie-sue wrote: »

Aw, thanks everyone. I got such a nice vibe when I first discovered this thread (thanks Pickle) that I felt among friends. I knew someone would help me out if I just put my problem out there. I'm sorry some of you have first hand experience of this but it's definitely helped me out. I just called my friend but her answer machine kicked in so I just left a message saying that I'm here and I'll contact her again soon. I've got a nice little card that I'll send to her in the meantime too.

I'm sure she will appreciate it - when someone you love dies no material possessions can replace them, but knowing that people out there care and will do their best to look after you means that they feel that bit less alone. Silver linings...:)

Actually, on that note one of my across-the-road neighbours dropped some ye olde photos of my mum and dad from years ago through the door tonight. It was a nice little memory.

taxi73

Am sure you're friend will appreciate it Suze x
Pickle..how lovely that your neighnours popped some old photos through.

InaPickle

taxi73 wrote: »

Am sure you're friend will appreciate it Suze x
Pickle..how lovely that your neighnours popped some old photos through.

I know. I have written a thank you card that I will pop through the door on the way out.

InaPickle

Right, so I've been a bit quiet lately.

Confession time it is, then.

Firstly, I've been a pretty bad Pickle with the buying food and drinks while out. I really need to knock this on the head. It's purely about being organised, and if I were to be better organised, it would be better for me in other areas, too, as well as meaning I eat less rubbish.

Secondly, I bought some new jeans for a bargainous £8 as my old ones had died. RIP lovely Karen Millen jeans, hello Sainsbury's skinnies (but I like the look of you anyway! )

Thirdly, I returned about £40 of stuff that I bought which was not truly necessary (and a bit that was, but it was all for money-saving reasons and I just got what I needed cheaper).

Fourthly, I needed to get some aloe vera gel and fell upon the most useful 'Buy one get one for a penny' sale at Holland & Barrats which saved me a pretty penny or two as I managed to get calcium suppliments with it as well.

Fifthly, I just sold one of my 'biggies' on Ebay for £68, which means I will get £61.something by the time all the fees are out of it. Happy days - more space, less clutter and more cash.

Sixthly, I just bought a copy of 'The 4 Hour Working Week' from Amazon (£7.43). It's all Firewalker's fault: she made me do it! *Shakes head sadly and looks over shoulder in fear that FW has followed her into thread to bully her more * (But it's on my treat list for next month and will arrive when I get paid, so it's allowed..ish).

Seventhly, got just under a tenners worth of Quidco money. Better that a slap in the face with a wet kipper.

That's all. Let the chiding commence!