HeavyHeart, EmptyPurse

elona

Jen

Just wanted to say "hi!" and hope you are feeling a little better.
Best of luck with it all.

Cantdance_2

I think one of several things happens when you join this site. You either:

a) read the posts with interest for a couple of days and think 'yeah, I could probably save some money', then forget all about it and go back to your old ways.

b) Post and ask for advice, but don't like what you hear, get annoyed and b@gger off back to your debt-heavy ways.

c) Pour your heart out, feel better for doing it, get some good advice that makes you feel better, and then go off to try and do it on your own with the support of real people.

d) Pour your heart out, feel better for doing it, get some good advice, start making real changes and come back and share them with people, getting support from other forum members who are going through the same thing... start to live a real 'DFW' lifestyle with the back-up of other people who know exactly where you're coming from.


I'm a definite D, but I'm sensing that Jen's a C. I think she took our advice and went off to put it into practice with Pete's support. It's sometimes a shame for the rest of us that "C"s don't always come back to let you know how things went but it's nice to think that they're able to sort things out without the crutch of this site.

My wife told me last night I'm getting obsessed with debt and trying to save money which I took as a compliment because it means I'm actually doing it this time unlike all the other times I thought I was going to make a breakthrough!

:T

James

stevo84_2

I can not believe your OH parents could be so discustingly selfish. Why on earth do they think they should live rent free, and that you should pay for it?

I think you have done very well not resorting to anything threatening as I dont think I could have kept my head if my folks had acted in this fassion.

Out of interest does this contract you have with your OH parents state that they have to live in THIS flat toll free or does it state that you have to provide SOME SORT of accomodation rent free for them for life?

If it does not stipulate what sort of accomodation then sureley you can get them a tiny little bedsit somewhere in the UK at a VERY cheap rate, get them evicted and let them move in there, thus allowing you to sell their (your) current place and pay off the bills. I would also be tempted to sell your current flat that you are living in, pay off your cc debt and then try and rent a place, or room off someone at the cheapest possible rate you can find to try and get this cc debt to a low.

Hope I have been of some help and good luck with it all,

Steve

halloweenqueen_2

Cantdance wrote:

My wife told me last night I'm getting obsessed with debt and trying to save money which I took as a compliment because it means I'm actually doing it this time unlike all the other times I thought I was going to make a breakthrough!

:T

James

I think I actually preen now if someone in my family says I'm tight!! Just let them try and prise my purse out of my hand!! It brought home to me today i went window shopping and DD asked where I'd been - then what had I got her. Shock..horror...nothing, there was nothing she needed or wanted before she knew i had been out but so used to getting a little something, it seemed unatural for her not to get a little treat.

Psychokatz

Dear HeavyHeart, EmptyPurse

I have no words of advice, nothing to say that I think could be of any use to you with regard to your financal situation, as mine has one less nought than yours & no inlaws, so what use could I be!?!?!?!

However, with regard to you and your partner, you are both incredible. For you to be together still despite all that has happened is nothing short of amazing. I have nothing but heartfelt admiration for you both. What a relationship you must have to have simply gotten this far. I am often reminded of the saying "when money troubles come in the door, love flys out the window" (or something similar).

Just keep your windows locked down tight ....and might I suggest putting the knife in the drawer, the only time it should make you cry is when chopping onions..

Hugs ((((((((((((())))))))))))))) Big Ones....

Molanole

Hi Jen

I haven't posted in your thread yet but have been reading and hoping on hope that your situation improves. I noticed that everyone's really worried about you (even my boyfriend who wants to know how the lady on the website is getting on even though he doesn't come on this site), so please, just log in even if it's just to say you're ok. We're all worried about you.

M x

halloweenqueen_2

Yes - we haven't stopped thinking off you. Drop us a line just to say Hi!!

First_Timer_6

Wow, what a story. just stumbled across your post and am very glad that I did, I have been transfixed by it for half an hour. Firstly I wish you so much positivity, I'm amazed at what families can do to each other and I hope that things change very soon for you. Please keep us informed as my heart goes out to you.


Tomorrow my fella and I will sign up for our first mortgage and an unsecured loan. We've found a bargain three bedroom semi, which needs work but structurally sound, and we're buying it on a private sale (we know the people, and their difficulty in selling it for the asking price so we tried our luck, offered a quick deal, hence the bargain). We genuinly love the house and no way could of offered the asking price. Property developers offered less but they wanted us to have it because we will make it our home. I think we're doing the right thing, we could never have hoped our first home to be a three bed semi but the penalty we're paying is the unsecured loan, there are a lot of charges to it.

Had I stayed at home longer I could have saved probably £400 a month but I didnt, we were in love and so we have rented for over 4years. That money would have sorted the unsecured loan we now need to get.:eek:

I admit having very grand hopes for the house, I've already checked out bathrooms, looked into extensions etc. And I wanted it all done tomorrow. But reading your email has really made me realise that I just need to slow down. I am a perfectionist but I can't let that get in the way of us being financially stable and I will tone down the 'I want the most expensive thing on the page' attitude. It's not worth it and we don't need it. There are things that can't be ignored, centrel heating for one, but I will save on what I can save on rather than splurge for the sake of it. We will have a clean, safe house. It will be lovely and it will be our haven.

Thanku for the warning.

I wish you lots of luck in your battle.

claire72

I am so sorry that you have had so much worry on your shoulders. I hope you come back on and read some more of the advice that has been posted for you.

You say you have £140,000 in debts, did you realise that if you froze the debts now (with minimum payments). Then you did get the equity from one of your homes you can call your debtors, tell them you have come into some money, want to clear it, and how much would they accept to pay it off once and for all. A friend whose parents nearly went bankrupt told us about it. My husband had a load of debts and we rang up each one to try it and some of them accepted 50% of what he owed just to get rid of the paperwork etc! I couldn't believe it. If that worked for you you could end up with more equity after a house sale than you thought for a deposit on a new house. Or you could probably buy a static caravan like one of the other guys mentioned. My friend bought a 3 bedroom caravan on a really nice secure site for £15,000. As everyone has said Petes parents are not going to live forever!

I hope you are OK, and I really wish what goes around comes around but in my experience nasty people like your partners parents usually get their own way unless someone stands up to them.

Take Care
XX

Melusine

Am so sorry to hear of your MIL problems. Mine was the MIL from hell too, although she never got her hands on my finances thank the Lord. Reading through the posts, several things came to mind. (Haven't read all of them so if someone else has said this already, sorry)
First, I got into debt and I spoke to a company on the internet who deal in IVAs. They advised me through agreements with my CCCs and banks. Basically, if you owe over £15000 unsecured, and are able to pay £200 per month towards debts (TOTAL) you do the following. You prepare a financial statement, listing all you've got coming in and essential outgoings (this includes food, utilities and secured debts, among other things. The figure you've got left is how much you have to play with for your unsecured repayments.
Then you do a pro rata payment offer. The company gave me a sample letter to send. You divide your amount, giving the biggest portion to the biggest debt and so on, and you ask them to freeze the interest whilst you make the agreed payments. (Word of warning, if you do this yourself, Barclays normally only freeze interest for six months.)
If the CCCs won't play, you hand it to the company and they persuade them to do it. (This is free to you. They take their commission from the monthly payment you make, so obviously it is in the interests of CCCs to accept your offer and get the extra bit.)
If the company does it, it becomes an Individual Voluntary Agreement, and once made, the CCCs cannot come and ask you for more money, even if you suddenly come into a fortune. And after five years, whatever is still owing is wiped off. (The five year rule doesn't apply if you do it yourself.)
Secondly, and this is my dark side coming out: Why not decide which one of you could go bankrupt without it affecting life too much? Look into whether it is possible to transfer your own house and any other possessions into the other person's name, and transfer the MIL's flat into the name of the person who is going to go bankrupt. (Obviously, don't tell the mortgage company that's what you're doing.) Then, a month or so down the line, file for bankruptcy. (You'd need to take legal advice for this one). Bankruptcy lasts three years, and then you're free. It isn't a very nice state to be in at the time, and any money that the bankrupt person comes into goes to the administrator to pay debts. But after three years, you can start to pick up your life again. And it's amazing how quickly you'll get used to having no credit cards. If a bankrupt owns a property, the administrator can sell it and use the proceeds to pay off debts. That'd teach her. And I'm willing to bet, the administrator would find a way to either evict your freeloaders, or make them pay a decent rent. They'd be more than a match for her.
Thirdly, we're all rooting for you. Keep those dark thoughts at bay, don't give her the satisfaction of destroying you. And remember, it's only money. They can't hang you for it, and if God thought more of it, he'd have given it to a better class of people!