Daughter having panic attacks about UNI

Lokolo

johnswife wrote: »

Do you mean DD2 stay with DD1? They are not allowed overnight visitors and we live a good 2 hours drive away. also DD2 has her boyfriend here who goes back to the army training tomorrow so they are inseperable at the moment.

Not alllowed overnight visitors!? At all!? Thats such a b****. I had friends over for a week or 2 at times lol.

But awwww @ DD2

InaPickle

In my uni experiences I have found that:

1) Most universities have some sort of counselling department/service where you can go and get counselling and do workshops to help with things like social phobias etc. Try seeing what Leicester do on their website, see if they have any advice for nervous movers etc. on the website, and perhaps get in contact with the nervous movers.

2) Try having a quiet word with the warden at your daughter's residence: explain the situation and ask if he/she could keep a subtle eye on her to check she's doing ok. They tend to be very helpful and have probably seen loads of people with similar tendancies over the years.

3) There appears to be a higher dropout rate in people who consistently go home every single weekend as they don't spend as much time getting to know their peers at their place of residence and getting to know their uni/uni city/joining clubs which take place at the weekend etc. Naturally, if your daughter is anxious about meeting new people she should always have the opportuinty to come home if she wants to (for the weekend etc.), but for things like Fresher's Week it tends to be a good thing to stay as everyone is in the same boat to a certain extent and people living in the same place tend to pal together to explore the place and get the things they need to get done (like registering) done.

Uni is a great experience, and everyone is a bit scared at moving from home at the beginning, so if your daughter realises that she's not alone and that even the people who seem confident are probably a bit scared underneath it all as well, chances are she'll be absolutley fine!

Who knows, it might really bring her out of herself!

ferriswheeljunkie

Hi I just wanted to say I completely empathise with your daughter and Kit603. Although I had an amazing time at college, I was too scared to move away to uni in my first year as I was having panic attacks all the time and feeling very low and miserable (my parents went through a very messy divorce as I was finishing college) so i stayed at home and commuted 2.5 hours each way everyday just so I didn't have to move. I thought this would have been the best idea but it ended up making me feel really alone as I never got to spend enough time with people on my courses and so didn't have any friends, spent 5 hours of my day travelling and never felt part of university life. None of my friends were at home as they'd all moved to uni so I felt very miserable particularly as I could see everyone else at uni having so much fun.

SO i made the biggest decision of my life and decided that for the 2nd year I was going to move into private halls, into a flat where i didn't know anyone and try and build myself a life at uni from scratch. It was the scariest thing I have ever done, particularly for the first few weeks when i didn't know anyone and spent all my time on my own, but gradually I got talking to people and was able to spend more time with people on my course etc as i wasn't having to rush home everynight. It took a few months and it was incredibly hard work, but by the middle of my 2nd year I was going out all the time and friends with an incredible group of people who I ended up living with in my final year. The last year and a half were without a doubt the best years of my life so far and I've never had so much fun- I felt so happy all the time, which was a massive change from feeling at rock bottom in my first year. I still suffer from panic attacks and feel down sometimes, but i spend all my time wishing i could go back and repeat uni all over again only this time i'd go from the start.

johnswife

Thank you for your post, it does give me hope.

She went back on Monday, a few girls had moved in and her dad didn't go too far in case she had a panic attack. Eventually he decided to return home and as he got back she rang and was unhappy. She had to stay the night and we went back Tuesday morning.

When we got there she spoke to us outside and she was still undecied what to do. She thought there would be more of a mix of girls but even in the other flats they were "girly, girly". she went back in to think it over as she was supposed to enrol at 12.30. I went off to have a coffee and when I got back she had packed everything into the car. Handed keys back in etc.

We drove back and she sat in the car at home with her dad and said she wished she hadn't come back. Car left packed and dad phoned uni and spoke to a lady who said they have loads of students who get cold feet, get too scared to enrol so she isn't alone.

By this stage I have almost given up the will to live but my husband has the patience of a saint. He drove her back yesterday, left her to unpack and she has to go and enrol herself by Friday. We haven't heard anything until just now when she said she went to enrol but there was a note to say she wouldn't be there until Friday morning.


So as at this moment, she is there. i am trying to convince myself that she is enjoying herself and not sat alone in her bedroom. What else can i do?

I am keeping everything crossed.

System

Is uni aware about the panic attacks? It migth be a help to her if they are aware of them cos they can keep an eye on her if that makes sense. I wish i'd informed my uni but it took me till my final years to mention it.

I'm glad she seems to be settling in ok, uni is a big step for anybody. I think as long as she is getting help with anxiety she should be ok. I din't have a great start to uni life but and i stress this my depression was untreated and i wasn't getting any help. If i had done it would have made things easier, so its good that you DD has that sorted already.

Its natural to worry but i'm sure she'll be fine once she settles in. Its good that there are people on her course living with her, means she can go with them to uni etc. Maybe give her a ring later on when she's had time to enrol. She might just need a day or two to adjust. Everyone there with her is in the exact same situation so i hope she'll find comfort in talking to others who are away from home for the first time etc.

bestpud

johnswife wrote: »

Thank you for your post, it does give me hope.

She went back on Monday, a few girls had moved in and her dad didn't go too far in case she had a panic attack. Eventually he decided to return home and as he got back she rang and was unhappy. She had to stay the night and we went back Tuesday morning.

When we got there she spoke to us outside and she was still undecied what to do. She thought there would be more of a mix of girls but even in the other flats they were "girly, girly". she went back in to think it over as she was supposed to enrol at 12.30. I went off to have a coffee and when I got back she had packed everything into the car. Handed keys back in etc.

We drove back and she sat in the car at home with her dad and said she wished she hadn't come back. Car left packed and dad phoned uni and spoke to a lady who said they have loads of students who get cold feet, get too scared to enrol so she isn't alone.

By this stage I have almost given up the will to live but my husband has the patience of a saint. He drove her back yesterday, left her to unpack and she has to go and enrol herself by Friday. We haven't heard anything until just now when she said she went to enrol but there was a note to say she wouldn't be there until Friday morning.


So as at this moment, she is there. i am trying to convince myself that she is enjoying herself and not sat alone in her bedroom. What else can i do?

I am keeping everything crossed.

I really wish she would speak to somebody and get some support.

Glad it seems ok at the moment though - fingers crossed it works out. There isn't anything else you can do...

Your OH does sound a star! I think I'd get a bit frustrated with all the to'ing and fro'ing tbh, and I have some idea what she is going through.

johnswife

bestpud wrote: »

I really wish she would speak to somebody and get some support.

Glad it seems ok at the moment though - fingers crossed it works out. There isn't anything else you can do...

Your OH does sound a star! I think I'd get a bit frustrated with all the to'ing and fro'ing tbh, and I have some idea what she is going through.

The university are aware as my husband explained on the phone.
When she enrols i am expecting it to crop up in conversation.

Thanks for all the replies.

bestpud

johnswife wrote: »

The university are aware as my husband explained on the phone.
When she enrols i am expecting it to crop up in conversation.

Thanks for all the replies.

Good - if she doesn't accept help then so be it but at least she will know it is available to her and that alone may help a bit.

Will you have any finger nails left by the end of tomorrow? :rotfl:

johnswife

Finger nails? what are those?

Actually i am smiling at the moment as I got an email from her (5.45), general chit chat and then she said someone knocked at her door and asked if she wanted any shopping. So she is going to go with them to buy something for dinner.
That's one tick!

Lokolo

johnswife wrote: »

Finger nails? what are those?

Actually i am smiling at the moment as I got an email from her (5.45), general chit chat and then she said someone knocked at her door and asked if she wanted any shopping. So she is going to go with them to buy something for dinner.
That's one tick!

Suggest to her she keeps her door open (obviously unless shes in bed or something), because then you learn to shout across the hall, make conversations with the person opposite.

I suspect they're fire doors so shouldn't technically be held open..... but it does help