Do I expect too much from children

Wardy

I have 3 stepchildren who stop every other weekend - it's taken time, but they've now learnt that what they do at home, isn't what they do with me. Their mom says we're too regimented (to them - hasn't said it to our faces!) and should let children be children, but I can't see why an 11 and 9 yr old can't put their dirty clothes in a washing basket, take their plates into the kitchen after eating or put sweet wrappers in the bin, rather than dropping them behind the sofa!!! I don't make them put their washing away, but have told them that if they take something out, decide not to wear it and just chuck it back in then they don't get their pocket money - why should I waste my time washing and ironing if they can't be bothered to hang something they don't want back up.

The youngest is 3 and he knows that he has to tidy his toys away, and will do it without fuss now.

I think too many kids grow up lazy and expect adults to run round them, waiting on them hand and foot. But if you let them get away with it, why wouldn't they?! If someone offered to wait on you hand and foot, you wouldn't raise a finger either!!! Start it whilst their young, before they get into a routine that is too late to change.

DKLS

I met a young and very confident Bedouin girl last week who was 7 years old, she could converse in 4 languages, and who sold jewellery to tourists before and after school. She hustled a lift on our jeep to a dive site so she could sell more.
No doubt she would have duties at home as well, amazing little girl and a credit to her family.

Hence I think, the OPs daughter shouldnt have a problem at clearing her own mess up and a few household chores.

galvanizersbaby

delain wrote: »

I try to get my now 7 year old daughter to learn about tidying up, but i get vilified by my family who seem to think i should wait on her hand and foot! She has 5 year old twin sisters and they are better at doing their little 'jobs'.:o

I am sick of being painted as some kind of monster because i don't think its out of order for her to take the clothes i washed and folded for her and put them away in her room.

Or to understand that if she wants to go out and play or watch TV downstairs (no TV's in bedrooms) her room should be tidy first.

Does anyone else think that adds up to terrible parenting?[/QUOTE]

It sounds like normal parenting to me.

Doesn't everyone (certainly by the looks of this thread) encourage their children to tidy up after themselves from an early age?

There is also the familar 'tidy up time' at nursery and now at school according to DD the teacher claps her hands twice to signify 'tidy time'

At home DD on occasion employs the same tactic with DS but it is usually met with a snort of derision until I intervene
Both my kids are pretty good at tidying up after themselves but the problem I have is DD is a whirlwind of surplus tidying energy and DS is more shall we say laid back about these things.
Quite often DD will take it upon herself to have a clear-up while DS happily looks on or I will catch her waiting on him taking his apple core to the bin because he can't be bothered :mad:

I make sure he does his fair share but she is happy to assist him most of the time - lazy little toad he is!

milliemonster

Well I'm with everyone else on this one, I don't think you're being mean at all, my children who are 10 and 6 are expected to help around the house now, setting the table, clearing up after themselves, putting rubbish in the bin and not leaving it lying around, feed the dog and rabbit, keep their rooms tidy and they do help with dusting while I'm doing the bathroom although my 6 yo bless him decide to dust his window with Mrs Sheen!! and the whole can!!! took ages to get that off.

I guess it depends how tidy you expect them to be? I expect my 10 year old daughter to now tidy up her room without help from me and to put her clothes away when I have ironed them, put her dirty laundry in the wash basket in the bathroom instead of stuffing it under her bed etc, I am also teaching my 6 yo to do the same but he needs a bit more help and reminding more.

What I don't expect is for them to keep their bedrooms spotless and pristine, they are children and children get dirty and make a mess, I want them to feel comfortable in their own home and know they can play and make a mess and as long as they make an effort to help and keep things tidy, I'm not obsessive about it.

I remember one of my friends when I was young whose mother was a nightmare! if I ever went to her house and she made a coffee she would take the kettle out of a cupboard, boil it, make the drinks then put the kettle away again????, also we were only allowed to sit on her bed if we pulled the duvet back so we didn't crease the duvet cover, completely bizarre!!!

Katie-Kat-Kins

I think it is good parenting to insist that your children do some jobs, my nephew who is 7 has been helping out for years, little things at first putting rubbish in the bin, returning his toys to their box, returning food to the freezer, fetching things etc. But more things as he has got older, both at home and at his grandparents. He is a lovely little boy who takes pride in helping and is very kind.

I have friends who were waited on hand and foot until the day they left home, and it normally does them no favours, and certainly does their future spouse no favours!

However I think kids need to be kids too and their chores shouldn't get in the way of them having fun. OOur neighbour's children used to be expected to have a really high standard and it was a bit over the top, they were expected to have a military shine on their school shoes at all times and their rooms were always immaculate with hospital corners on the bed sheets etc and it was a bit unfair on them.

I think if she leaves family rooms tidy perhaps the bedroom doesn't need to be done every day.........

delain

milliemonster wrote: »

Well I'm with everyone else on this one, I don't think you're being mean at all, my children who are 10 and 6 are expected to help around the house now, setting the table, clearing up after themselves, putting rubbish in the bin and not leaving it lying around, feed the dog and rabbit, keep their rooms tidy and they do help with dusting while I'm doing the bathroom although my 6 yo bless him decide to dust his window with Mrs Sheen!! and the whole can!!! took ages to get that off.

I guess it depends how tidy you expect them to be? I expect my 10 year old daughter to now tidy up her room without help from me and to put her clothes away when I have ironed them, put her dirty laundry in the wash basket in the bathroom instead of stuffing it under her bed etc, I am also teaching my 6 yo to do the same but he needs a bit more help and reminding more.

What I don't expect is for them to keep their bedrooms spotless and pristine, they are children and children get dirty and make a mess, I want them to feel comfortable in their own home and know they can play and make a mess and as long as they make an effort to help and keep things tidy, I'm not obsessive about it.

I remember one of my friends when I was young whose mother was a nightmare! if I ever went to her house and she made a coffee she would take the kettle out of a cupboard, boil it, make the drinks then put the kettle away again????, also we were only allowed to sit on her bed if we pulled the duvet back so we didn't crease the duvet cover, completely bizarre!!!

:rotfl::rotfl:at the mr sheen! When DD1 was 5 she took some weetabix and hid them in her bed and her room was full of weetabix crumbs for ages no matter how much i hoovered!

Your friends mum was mad is this your friend's bedroom or her mum's?:rotfl::rotfl:

i have to admit i keep the children out of my bedroom as i feel that's my own space. I'd hate to think they were going to empty my drawers like they do theirs

They're currently upstairs tidying up from yesterdays wardrobe emptying incident

Penny-Pincher!!

Your not being mean!

DD is nearly 15 and she has had chores since she could walk. If she made a mess with her toys, she had to out them back in the toy box etc. She only gets her pocket money if her jobs are done. Every day she makes her bed, keeps room tidy, empty the dw and re-load, take plates out after dinner, bring her cup down in the morning, put her clothes away, do a few bits of ironing and peels the spuds and veggies.

Its teaching them life skills!

We only have a TV in the lounge too. DD prefers to read or draw.

Dont listen to others!

PP
xx

Storm

I agree - kids need to start doing things around the house, and starting them on being responsible for their own possessions & room is the logical thing!

My OH's DS stays with us every other weekend, and he now accepts that before we can go out to have fun we often have chores to do around the house as we both work full time. He will now offer to help because it gets us out of the house quicker & his favourite job strangely is cleaning the bathroom!

However, apparently he won't do anything when he's with his mum!

milliemonster

delain wrote: »

:rotfl::rotfl:at the mr sheen! When DD1 was 5 she took some weetabix and hid them in her bed and her room was full of weetabix crumbs for ages no matter how much i hoovered!

Your friends mum was mad is this your friend's bedroom or her mum's?:rotfl::rotfl:

i have to admit i keep the children out of my bedroom as i feel that's my own space. I'd hate to think they were going to empty my drawers like they do theirs

They're currently upstairs tidying up from yesterdays wardrobe emptying incident

Was my friends bedroom, it was very rare we were even allowed in there, but if we were we could only sit on the bed with the duvet pulled back.

In the living room if we sat on the sofa you had to be careful to sit on an actual seat and not where the edges are between the seat cushions if that makes sense, otherwise her mum would go mad as the sofa cushions would look squashed!!! she was completely neurotic

*Louise*

delain wrote: »

I try to get my now 7 year old daughter to learn about tidying up, but i get vilified by my family who seem to think i should wait on her hand and foot! She has 5 year old twin sisters and they are better at doing their little 'jobs'.:o

I am sick of being painted as some kind of monster because i don't think its out of order for her to take the clothes i washed and folded for her and put them away in her room.

Or to understand that if she wants to go out and play or watch TV downstairs (no TV's in bedrooms) her room should be tidy first.

Does anyone else think that adds up to terrible parenting?

NOT doing that would be erring on the side of terrible parenting.

Who wants children growing up spoiled, pampered and not knowing how to look after themselves.

You're teaching them basic life skills...nothing terrible about that.


Btw - who in your family is 'vilifying' you? (Do they have kids?) You should tell them to mind their own damn business.