Please help a new mum - baby will not sleep!

JBD

I totally agree with everything Tramps has just said. As you get more experienced it is easier to get baby into a routine that suits all the family.

Laurenbelle

I haven't read all through the thread as it is quite lengthly but i just wanted to reinforce that your feelings are so valid, it isn't east with a newborn and some have different needs to others and it doesn't help that the first thing people that see your new baby for the first time as is "Is he/she a good baby?" oh and " Are they good sleepers?". Fact of the matter is, is that babies aren't designed to sleep through the night from an early age. The reason a baby wants to feed so often is that they have tiny stomachs (around the size of their fists) and that amount of milk digests very quickly hence the reason they need to feed as often. Feeding them with a bottle of formula before bedtime is like feeding yourself a turkey xmas dinner before bedtime. It is heavier on the stomach and takes longer to digest hence the reason the baby could go longer between feeds. This can be a positive but can also be a negative (have pm'ed you a link). Do you have a support system around you? Some mums that can commiserate with you or just be there to listen? Just someone else telling you that they have been through it and basically as the saying goes "this too shall pass" please don't think i am belittling your situation because i am not, i know how hard it can be to go through. You are doing fantastically for your little one but it seems that s/he wants a little more of your time than you had expected and i was wondering if there was anyone else around who could help you with any other things you need to get done i.e housework, cooking? Often people are all too quick to want to visit and leave but maybe you can ask for some help, i am sure people would only be too happy to oblidge! Hugs xx

Pee

Some people, like me, are a bit stupid and come round to visit and don't realise that the best thing they could do is bring something to eat around instead trying to think of a present when you might have three bottles of massage oil and just want a snooze. If I came round and you asked, I'd happily take baby or do the washing up for you and be pleased that I'd actually done something helpful. I just think maybe we don't know what to do, so I tend to do nothing and others might do the wrong thing.

So OH is back at work today. Hope you manage to get into a routine. Let us know how it's going.

cyclingyorkie

My second two (now 15 and 17) arrived quickly on the heels of no1 (now 18)! This meant that the only way to get through bedtime was to give latter children an evening bottle. They didn't sleep through particularly early...but they did drop the late evening feed first - they would feed at 8pm ish and then go till 2/3/4am - which gave my body time to recover..

Hang on in there - i watched the series on the baby whisperer and it was very good - the book may be some help...but it will be tough to do it without someone there to help you.

Can your health visitor offer any advice? Can you get to a mums group? - Meeting other mums can help your sanity! or join an on-line group?

Hang on in there - little babies aren't built to sleep through - and sleep deprivation is awful (I know - DS and DD2were pretty awful!)...but they do get the hang of it eventually!

skintchick

Hi all

Well, my mum and dad came today to be with me and saw lilia screaming so much she made herself sick! All because I fed her then gave her to my mum so I could have a shower!

BUT she slept last night from 10pm till 9am with some night feeds obviously - I've now mastered feeding lying down so they were a breeze and I basically popped her on, feel asleep, then woke later to cover myself up again. She sleeps in our bed so no need to transfer her anywhere after.

So that was lovely, but she got v grouchy later on and so far today has napped for 45 mins only!!

OH is trying to get her to sleep in her crib right now, but she hates it and I'd rather he had handed her to me to sleep on my lap, cos she won;t go down in her crib. She is also due a feed shortly as she is on a 90-min cycle today it seems.

I got a health visitor to come out today and see me, and she checked my latch, which is fine, but apparently she is bruising me with her bottom jaw which would explain my pain, plus my thrush is still there and not going away

So, some positives and some negatives today, Tomorrow I am properly on my own as no parents, and only visitor is a friend who doesn;t like babies! Also on my own Friday when I thought my mum was coming, apparently she isn;t now and didn;t mean to say she was, so I'm a bit frightened as I cannot cope when Lilia cries, but I guess I will have to.

Thanks for all the replies, and PMs, I do read them even if I don;t have time to reply.

:A xxx

jinky67

Well if you need some support through the day pop on here and someone will keep you [STRIKE]sane[/STRIKE]company:D

and a big :j:j:j for last night

YOU CAN DO THIS:beer:

milliebear00001

So pleased you're getting there with the feeding - especially lyng down - it made SUCH a difference when I started to feed my second this way, and eventually, he didn't even wake me to feed - just snuffled himself over! I know the crying is SO upsetting. Your hormones are all over the place at the moment and it's just unbearable at time. For a long time, I couldn't even stand to hear somebody else's newborn cry - it would set off all sorts of adrenaline and stress hormones! When my first baby's crying became particularly upsetting, and nothing seemed to be working, I would put her in her cot and go and sit in the car! Sometimes it was the only way I could cope. Luckily, my second baby was always quietened by a breastfeed, and I quickly learned that an easy life really does mean doing things baby's way!

The bruising thing from the feeding is something I had too (strong suckers!). It sorted itself by about 7-8 weeks, along with the shooting breastmilk across the room. I ended up feeding second baby til he was past two - proof that it really does get much easier later on!

I think you're doing fantastically well. With both mine, at this stage, I don't think I'd left the house more than twice! With my first, I stayed in bed for the first week (with her!)

kate1979

Hi, my DS is 5 months now and I remember feeling the exact same way as you did at 4 weeks - it's easy for me to say it will get better since I have the benefit of hindsight, but it really is true, so hang on in there!

A few things that worked for us:

I was a typical 'read all the books and then panic I was doing it all wrong' person, realised I couldn't follow them all and put them far, far away. However, there is one book that, if you have a spare second or two (I know, I know ...!), was really great, positive reading. It's called Baby Bliss by Dr Harvey Karp, and has great advice for getting baby to sleep. It's based on the fact that for the first three months, babies just want to be back in the womb, and tries to recreate that situation. There is some swaddling in there, which I know you said didn't work, but other advice too. It focusses on love and cuddles, and doing what's right for you, not somebody else, which is different from all other books out there. I got it from the library, and it made me feel a whole lot better.

We used to put a hot water bottle in DS's moses basket whilst I was feeding him in the night, and took it out when we replaced him, seemed to work quite well.

DS fell asleep on my chest a few times in the beginning and it doesn't seem to have done him any harm, so please don't worry if that is your only solution.

Another cherry soother person here, DS refused a dummy for about the first 6 weeks, until we put it in his mouth and tapped repeatedly on the end. It got him to suck and really helped send him to sleep.

I also do the arm-drop thing, it really works!

Don't worry about routines at all, I did and it was pointless. DS did his own thing whatever, and I found that he did put himself in his own routine eventually anyway.

You must be overwhelmed with all the advice, hope you find something that works for you and baby. You WILL start to enjoy her more soon, I promise. Please take good care of yourselves xx

HelenKA_2

ask the visitor who doesn't like babies to cook/make you a cuppa/wash up/shop/iron/walk briskly round the block twice with the push chair with baby in it. Whatever you do don't allow her to 'sit in state'!

On Friday can you take a gentle walk out? It really helps to get out. I used to put DD1 in the pushchair and march around the roads until she fell asleep (she screamed herself to sleep) then go and sit in the park with my book and a drink for the 15 or so mins she slept.

Girls all back to school here sob sob

skintchick

Well, my friend was great! She arrived with a gift, magazines an food, tehn did the washing up, made me cups of tea and was generally brilliant which was lovely, She stayed for hours cos Lilia actually did sleep.

I have a new problem now! Feeding lying down at night means I fall asleep before she is done and wake up an hour later ot find she is still awake and just comfort sucking, then wants anothe feed to go to sleep, but I fall asleep, etc., etc.

Think I will have to go back to sitting up for night feeds as otherwise I am feeding all night long and she isn;t really sleeping, plus she is learnign bad habits of using me as a dummy all night. Grrrr, I really wanted an easier way to do night feeds.