Raquela's Diary

angela110660

Raquela - no updates for ages. Hope all well with you and your job and flat.

Shoe_Gal

Hi - where are you? Hope you're OK

Shoe_Gal

Shoe_Gal wrote: »

Hi - where are you? Hope you're OK

Hope things are good with you?

Raquela

Given the way my life is going, I thought it might be best to resurrect this diary, so I can at least try to focus on the things that are going well!

By way of where I've been from the last post until now:

1) The flat I moved into last December proved to be problematic; although it was big and spacious, it cost a fortune to heat, and there began to be problems with the newsagents below the flat - winos were using it and the back alley, and then it got burgled three times; twice I called 999, didn't hear them the other time. I was scared to go out at night because the only access to the flat was via the unlit alley. After the third burglary I decided to move pretty sharpish. My mum had to help me financially re moving costs etc, but I now live in a very small one bed house on a very quiet estate, much safer! It's slightly less rent. Only snag which I found out about today is that when I thought it would be cheaper on utilities it's much more expensive, because it's got an economy seven meter (when nothing runs on it!). I need to phone the landlord later today and hope he'll say okay to a meter change (my normal usage is £15, my bill was £45 for 6 weeks and I couldn't work out why!).

2) My job at the police ended in August and unfortunately I've been out of work ever since. I've had a few bits of temping here and there, but yeah, I am trying to job hunt with a vengeance. Money is extremely tight, I barely have enough for the essentials let alone anything else. I got offered another temp job at the police but it got withdrawn after they redid my vetting and failed on the credit check, because I can't pay anything to my creditors (I am now trying to pay £1 a month).

3) Sometimes I wonder if I should just save up to go bankrupt but I'd never be able to be a lawyer, and I'm worried I'll be declined for other jobs on my financial status alone. I'm very worried the decision may be taken out of my hands and someone else will make me bankrupt.

4) All of this has affected my health, and I have been diagnosed with anxiety. Not severe enough to stop me working all together (which I would fight tooth and nail to do something at least anyway), but does limit what I can do in terms of work. I'm on two different kinds of anti-depressant tablets (non-addictive), I'm not sure they help since I feel incredibly depressed most of the time because of the job and money situation, and still have anxiety episodes. I have finally got my referral letter through for CBT this week.

I just hope that 2011 is the year when things get better for me. I am trying my absolute hardest to be proactive. I've been designing a website and flyers for legal virtual assistance and hope to market myself as doing that, but all I really want is a job that pays enough to live off. I don't want to work from home full time as I live alone and it's too isolating to be home ALL the time. But it's better than nothing I guess! I've also started shiatsu treatments and have my first life coaching appointment this week (both free, both are students building up their practice / portfolio so they can pass their courses. All it costs me is petrol to the shiatsu practitioner's house and cost of a phone call to the life coach). I'm going to start approaching employers directly and see if that leads to a job. And of course applying for everything I can, even if it is Sainsburys down the road!

I did start a college course via home study but I can't afford to pay the fees without a job, and I don't actually think it's going to be of any benefit, as it seems the reason I'm not getting interviews is because of my degree - I'm now overqualified (this I found out when I finally did gt an interview and was turned down for the job because it was "beneath me"). It will hurt like hell taking my degree off my CV, and how do i explain a four year gap in my employment history! I just still can't quite believe that my degree has brought me nothing but more debt and the inability to get a job...

Sorry, I was trying to be positive wasn't I! Time for a cup of tea I think.

hypno06

Def agree that you should post more - it has certainly kept me going over the last few years!! It does wonders for the focus, and for the sanity levels!

Keep going - new year, new job I reckon....now is not the best time of year to be looking, but in a few weeks you can go full on until you find something.

x

Raquela

Just tried to post a reply but it was very depressive and I think the internets eaten it. Probably just as well.

Shoe_Gal

Fab to 'see' you and sorry you've had such a tough year :mad: But as Hypno said, hopefully 2011 will be your year, and posting on here (even just to moan and hope for sympathy) really does help

Take care of you :A

Raquela

Well, feeling slightly better than I did yesterday. Unfortunately writing it all down in black and white did not make me feel better, not at all. But in the afternoon I managed to go through a pile of stuff that needed stuff doing to it. I even managed to get 20 minutes of typing done, meaning I still have another 20 to do today, plus more if possible as I have two other jobs to do for Friday (note I don't mean I typed for 20 minutes, I typed up 20 minutes worth of audio which takes a good deal longer than 20 mins...). I also emailed my tutor the last bits of work I had done and explained that I don't think I'm going to be able to continue with the course. I'm dreading what she'll say. I made a list of things that need doing as far as contacting job agencies I'm not yet in touch with, and I need to amend my CV slightly before I send it out.

In the evening I picked myself up and went to a see a good friend I used to work with at the police which was lovely, and at least got me out of the house without spending anything except petrol. Car did something very weird as I pulled into the driveway, electrics went a bit mad. Made me think yet again I should try and sell it. When I got home I got in to discover my christmas tree had basically fallen apart - the plastic bits that hold the branches in, several had broken, don't know why! Tree now looks ridiculous and I should probably just take it apart and throw it away, but don't want to be without. It looks very lopsided now though...

I really need to do some job hunting work today and tomorrow, as well as fitting in all this typing. Sometimes it feels like there isn't enough time in the day, which is ridiculous because I'm not working, all I have is time. I think it's something to do with depression, there just never seems enough time to do all that I have to do. I also have lots of work to do to get ready for christmas, including scanning a load of old family pictures, and lots of knitting.

I sent the last (I think) of my christmas cards yesterday as well - I decided to reach out to as many old friends as I could, and family members I wouldn't normally send to - I just wanted to do something that would put me in touch with people and make me feel less isolated.

Right, I better get on with my typing!

hypno06

Are you seeing your GP about the depression?

And you know where I am if you want coffee.....

Raquela

yup, well, about the anxiety I am, but I have told him about the depression. I guess there's not really any more they can do than they are already doing.

And thanks :-) I'll let you get your house move sorted first ;-) And as I said, if you want help moving, give me a shout!