Boyfriend been looking at dodgy stuff on the net

bestpud

What's wrong with a good 'old fashioned' chat?

Personally, I think going through his internet history is bang out of order, and if you feel the need to do so without very good cause, then you have problems of your own.

For gooness sake, do you think he'd be lookig at stuff on your laptop if he was trying to hide his activities?

Doesn't seem to me he is the jealous type at all - he seems to trust you!

bestpud

foxy-roxy wrote: »

Hi guys, thanks for the replies, the thing is we have had the conversation back when i found the messages about him basically being a bit more respectful to me and he swore he would.
Now i have slept on it i am not so bothered about the random girls he's been looking at or the words he has been searching it's just the best mate situation that has annoyed me, if he fancies her then fine but why be so two-faced about it and slag her off all the time? Probably to hide the fact he does fancy her i suppose.
Thanks for all your replies, i think i'll leave it though as it will probably sound a bit OTT if i confront him and tbh i really can't be bothered with the excuses he will give.

He probably 'fancies' lots of women, but it doesn't necessarily mean he wants to be with them...

Perhaps he just likes the way she looks but thinks she has a terrible personality?

foxy-roxy

He really really is the jealous type, unbelievably so, to the point that he checks my messages on my phone, (he thinks i dont know he does this, but i have nothing to hide so leave it) he rings my work tons of times a day to make sure i am at my desk, rings the house phone when he is out to make sure i am at home, and i know for a fact he goes on my fb and checks messages as i can see he has been on there and my emails from the internet history.
I think he is like that because he got hurt by an ex and it has scarred him and is just one of lifes jealous, but he isn't violent with it just sneaky so i suppose i have just picked it up of him.
Suppose the best thing then is to just have it out and promise each other not to snoop anymore.

Chinkle

Men will look at !!!!!! on the net, it's so easily available and tempting. But I think there are some real trust issues in your relationship. I think he checks up on you because he knows how easily he is tempted by looking at/contacting girls online.

As I'm giving my opinion, I agree with others looking is fine, FB or other contact is not.

By all means have it out with him, but it will be difficult for him to change the way he is without dealing with things from his past. Would he go to some couples counselling?

robpw2

trust ..
most men and some women will view images of a sexualnature or videos etc its natural himan behaviour to be fasinated by sex

but you lack trust and thefore need to sort out your relationship

bestpud

I agree it sounds as though relationship counselling may help you both clear the air and discuss this issue.

I have a big problem with people looking at my emails/texts/whatever and was always outraged when my ex did!

He said it meant I had something to hide (I didn't at all) but I say it is because I value privacy and trust.

I was always deeply offended by the insinuation that I was hiding something.

You really need to deal with this imo.

geri1965_2

Men looking at !!!!!! is pretty normal, I think (my OH doesn't, but I suspect he is in the minority). I would be more concerned about the flirting on Facebook, as that could lead to something - as for looking at your friend, I wouldn't be too happy with that either as there is a real life connection there. I'm assuming he finds her attractive without liking her much.

I'm wondering how old you both are? I think younger men especially have a tendency to jealousy.

jamesb1239

I think you're over reacting a little, maybe not so much on the facebook messages but then again theres nothing wrong with a little harmless flirting as long as thats as far as it goes.
I would be more concerned about him looking through your messages etc, and maybe the two of you need to have a little discussion about trusting each other as you must have decided to have a look through his messages on fb when he left it logged in.
As for the !!!!!! there is a lot worse stuff out there, at least he was looking at things that are natural and healthy. Can you honestly say that kind of thing doesnt interest you? how many "womens" magazines do you read where there are half naked men? in essence the same thing just not as graphic, maybe even surprise him a little if he has urges to look at things like that and try it for yourself, sit down and do it together or get an adult movie etc you never know it may even enhance your relationship a little and break down the wall of shyness and embarassment that surrounds the whole thing.

Hope that helps, and i wouldnt worry unless he is actively pursuing anything with a pulse and a skirt :beer:

MrsTinks

If you want a man who doesn't look at any type of !!!!!! ever I think you need to look for a blind one... Sorry but what on earth is wrong with a bit of !!!!!!?
Flirting... ok so you asked him not to and therefor from now on I'd expect him not to - I really don't think there is anything disrespectful towards you in looking at online !!!!!! (other than the fact most !!!!!! sites are riddled with viruses and I'd be pretty narked if my husband did it on my laptop because then I'd have the hassle of cleaning the damn thing again ).
Looking at your mates site... ok you don't like him doing it so ask him not to in future.
I think on the whole you have a fair few relationship problems - you both lack trust and you obviously haven't set down any proper ground rules of what you both find to be acceptable when it comes to other people or sex/!!!!!! etc...

janninew

Hi
My ex use to enjoy looking at !!!!!! quite alot and told me it was perfectly natural, i didn't really have a problem with it as long as it wasn't effecting our love life! But i thought i would give him a taste of his own medicine and started to look at naked men online, and how fast his opinion changed!! He hated it and told me i was being pervvy!!

Maybe the OP should start watching !!!!!! too and see how he feels? I really have nothing against either sex looking at !!!!!! as long as it doesn't effect your relationship, if it does then you have problems.