Boyfriend been looking at dodgy stuff on the net

foxy-roxy

Sorry this is quite long winded but need to get it off my chest...
a few months back i found some messages on my boyfriends fb from a girl who i didn't know (i wasnt snooping, he hadnt logged out) and they were innocent enough to begin with but they started getting more flirty with him calling her 'babe' and lots of kisses on and saying how pretty she was etc. i blew up and went mad but calmed down and didnt mention it again, well as you can imagine i became suspicious and then did start snooping, can't help it.
Well basically he has been pretty good lately but yesterday when i checked the internet history on my laptop which he uses (i know how stupid can you get, doin dodgy stuff on MY laptop) he has been looking up girls pictures on msn and then worst of all today he has been searching for disgusting things such as girls with there t**s out and p***Y etc.
Well i accept that men will be men (no offence intended) but then it got worse, my best mate who is a model has her own 'glamour' modelling website and he had been on it!!!
My best mate!! :mad: who he slags off all the time sayin she is a s**g etc.
I think he knows i may be on to him because i am sitting upstairs in my bedroom and he is downstairs but keeps on coming up to sit with me and ask if i want a cup of tea etc.

What i want to know is am i right to be mad? would you be?
Or am i just being over sensitive?

Thanks for reading and any advice on wether to confront him or leave it and see what else he does or even just leave it and stop snooping is greatley appreciated.

P.S. am not the jealous type at all but he is

Stephb1986_2

Like you said hun men will be men, I found my BF doing stuff like it and I had a go at him he didn't understand where I was coming from for a while but he soon understood. I was so mad!

It's up to you if you confront him hun.

Good luck

Steph xx

smartpicture

There's a big difference between someone looking at anonymous posed !!!!!! pictures, and someone interacting with a real live person with facebook messages, and that is 100% crossing the line. And I would also be very unhappy about him looking at pictures of your best friend - tell him that to make it fair, you should be allowed to secretly ogle semi-naked pictures of his best friend, and see how well that goes down!

I'd be inclined to turn a blind eye to the looking at anonymous pictures, but take a very strong line on what is crossing the line as far as you're concerned and is not acceptable in your relationship.

Woby_Tide

foxy-roxy wrote: »

a few months back i found some messages on my boyfriends fb from a girl who i didn't know (i wasnt snooping, he hadnt logged out)

i blew up and went mad but calmed down and didnt mention it again, well as you can imagine i became suspicious and then did start snooping, can't help it.

but yesterday when i checked the internet history on my laptop which he uses (i know how stupid can you get, doin dodgy stuff on MY laptop) he has been looking up girls pictures

P.S. am not the jealous type at all but he is

So you haven't been snooping, you just started reading his Facebook stuff when he left it, and then you got suspicious and started snooping, again and again

But you aren't the jealous type? Trust seems to be a bigger issue. What he's done isn't on and you probably need to speak to him about it, but don't pretend to him especially that you are innocent in all this, prying into his stuff is bad as well

PinkLipgloss

Hey foxy,

I had this exact issue in my previous relationship. I am not the jealous type either and, with the benefit of hindsight, I now fully appreciate that my feelings should have rung alarm bells with regards to the issue of trust.

We talked about it and he said he understood and volunteered never to look at dodgy sites again. He did. He lied. A few months later I discovered he was cheating on me and I chucked him out.

Of course - that does not mean your bf will! However, what I will say is that if you don't fully trust him then you are wasting your time in this relationship.

Best wishes,
Lipgloss

ChrisCobra

Warning

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bunny_boiler

Eject eject

esmf73

just wondered if your man is in the armed forces as there has been press recently about the guys coming back from Afghan and viewing !!!!!! on the net.

pickle

It's not the !!!!!! I'd be worried about but the fact that he called a woman a sl*g.

mummy_Jay

At this moment in time you don't trust him, what is it going to take to trust him again? Think about it, as if you are going to let this play on your mind, it will eat at you and damage you as much as him as it destroys your relationship.

If you can put hand on heart and say if he does x, y and z I would trust him again, then all you do is sit down confront him and tell him what you need. If can't come up with what you need to trust him again then you have to consider if this relationship is a healthy one and if its worth continuing.

I don't see looking at some dodge pics as an issue, the issue is trust and looking at your mates web page is just disrespectful.

chika

I think the thing with the girl on facebook is a bit out of order but if thats all done and dusted then you need to get over it - telling someone they are pretty and a couple of xxx's on a message doesn't make them an adulterer.

Re the !!!!!!, I think you are being a bit of a prude to be honest. T*ts and p*ssy isn't disgusting. I came in here expecting to be morally outraged at the things he'd been looking at. He just sounds like a normal bloke he's just looking at the stuff most hetreosexual men are interested in (you should count your lucky stars he wasn't searching for c*ck!)

You need to sit him down and ask him why he was looking at your best mate - how many times has he been on it and for how long. If it was just a five minute look he may have done it for a laugh. Just because he was looking at her/them it doesn't mean he wants to be with them. He may well think she is a slapper but appreciating her on a physical level isn't the crime of the century. I think David Beckham is probably the most perfect creature to ever walk the earth but would I want to shack up with him? Hell no (except maybe for one night - but that isn't going top happen).

I think you just need to chill out op and talk to your bf instead of worrying and twisting things in your head alone.

foxy-roxy

Hi guys, thanks for the replies, the thing is we have had the conversation back when i found the messages about him basically being a bit more respectful to me and he swore he would.
Now i have slept on it i am not so bothered about the random girls he's been looking at or the words he has been searching it's just the best mate situation that has annoyed me, if he fancies her then fine but why be so two-faced about it and slag her off all the time? Probably to hide the fact he does fancy her i suppose.
Thanks for all your replies, i think i'll leave it though as it will probably sound a bit OTT if i confront him and tbh i really can't be bothered with the excuses he will give.