Partners Ex Wife - jealousy?

KellyWelly

Wow...you sound just like my dad's girlfriend. She is insanely jealous to the point that she ruined many many family events and get togethers over the past 12 years. She's mental but I don't blame her, I blame my dad for letting her do it. Sounds like your bf isn't letting you dictate where and when his children can have contact with their mother in their own home (NOT your home) nor is he being petty and spiteful to placate you. Good on him. His children deserve better than you as a step mother.

moneymakestheworldgoround

ouch - that was a tough reply !

Everyone will have an opinion on here, some different from others so I appreciate that.

My 2 penny's worth is that everyone has different levels of patience and understanding.

If the situation bothers you, then I agree a relationship should end to save arguing and bickering about it. Some things you just cant compromise on.

red_devil

KellyWelly wrote: »

Wow...you sound just like my dad's girlfriend. She is insanely jealous to the point that she ruined many many family events and get togethers over the past 12 years. She's mental but I don't blame her, I blame my dad for letting her do it. Sounds like your bf isn't letting you dictate where and when his children can have contact with their mother in their own home (NOT your home) nor is he being petty and spiteful to placate you. Good on him. His children deserve better than you as a step mother.

thats unfair you dont know her!

At the end of the day some people need to move on!

liney

red_devil wrote: »

thats unfair you dont know her!

At the end of the day some people need to move on!

I ment to quote, not thank.... Move on from allowing their Mother to visit them? Move on from having a civil relationship with their ex husband and turn into a bitter and twisted old harpy instead? Plenty of ex husbands and wifes are still friends, and it is especially good for those with child however old they might be.

Complaining about a friendship between adults who share children, the fact she might borrow a screwdriver or dare visit her children is their home is mental. I do hope the Op's partner hasn't let any of this slip to his sons, or them and their Mother will be having a good old laugh at the silliness of it all.

red_devil

its impossible to judge from one post and hearing one side. I do think though some people dont move on and not keep using kids as an excuse to see/be with the ex.

maggied_2

Crikey I'm surprised by some of the vitriol on here!

FWIW - obviously where children are involved in a break up a cordial relationshop needs to be maintained for the children's sake. Clearly there are differing degrees of this :rotfl:

However if either party wants to move on then surely there has to be a shift in that? Who wants to live in someone's ex's shadow? I'm not saying that either party should let their relationship sour as soon as a new partner comes along but after 4.5 years I do think that the balance should start to shift towards the new partner being more important than the ex partner (NB not the children).

Some people seem to be conflating the two issues here - it IS possible to move on and find a new partner AND maintain a good relationship with your children. And I think in most cases that does mean that the ex does have to take a backseat.

If however a new partner, and someone you're hoping to build a future with, is always going to be less important than the ex partner....then move on and find someone who isn't still dwelling in their past.

moneymakestheworldgoround

I agree with maggied

Its all about what you are happy with. Different people have different values,expectations, patience levels etc...

My partner is jealous of my relationship with my ex. We get on for the sake of the kids, might all share dinner together, speak on the phone every few days, text jokes etc.. We have been on some day trips together with the kids ... but my partner is kept informed, I show him the texts, I take calls in the same room, he goes out with us ....

He isnt happy with it, but my view was my parents hated each other after their divorce and I couldnt talk about my dad to my mum and vice versa. It was horrid. And if my partner didnt like this arrangement, he could leave. I know that sounds harsh but kids come first and they are happy.

My partner knows he is more important to me than ex. I've had my time with my ex, it didnt work, its over. End of.

I think a lot of the emphasis is on me to keep relationship with ex on a basic friend level, and keep my partner reassured and ensure no secrets.

It doesnt sound like the OP feels as important in her partners live as she should do. Hence the jealousy.

borokat

I don't get how the sons are teenagers if the marriage ended 19 years ago?

alfiesmum

borokat wrote: »

I don't get how the sons are teenagers if the marriage ended 19 years ago?

Do you know...I've read right through the thread, just wondering the same thing!! And thought I was the only one to notice!!:rotfl::rotfl:
They're obiously twins, conveived on a 'get back together' night of passion, that didn't get them back together!!

zippychick

alfiesmum wrote: »

Do you know...I've read right through the thread, just wondering the same thing!! And thought I was the only one to notice!!:rotfl::rotfl:
They're obiously twins, conveived on a 'get back together' night of passion, that didn't get them back together!!

Wondered myself too but didn't want to seem conspiring or what ever the right word would be!:rotfl: