Partners Ex Wife - jealousy?

Pee

red_devil wrote: »

so would he be the only thing is to turn it round on him see what he would like if boot was on the other foot!

That seems a very positive and constructive way of dealing with difficulties in a relationship.

Are Rent-an-exhusband in the Yellow Pages?

galvanizersbaby

Blimey! there are a lot of people with a lot of issues with exes!!! - it is a shame for the kids

OP - I hadn't totally thought about the fact that the boys live with your OH properly - I guess as other posters are suggesting it is their home too - I didn't really think of it in that way as my children are young so they wouldn't invite anyone in without my knowledge or indeed be alone in the house without me.

I still think you should speak to your OH about the situation that is making you so uncomfortable to see if he can provide some reassurance.

Do you have long term plans with your partner - i.e. marriage, moving in together etc... I notice you mention that the possessions are his not ours

maggied_2

We don't know that the ex was visiting the children (obviously fair enough if she was).

I do think the ex needs to move on a bit but don't think OP has much clout if they don't live together.

It also depends on the regularity of asking to borrow things, popping round etc. If it's constant then I think OP is well within her rights to ask for some boundaries. I know I could never relax with my OH to begin with thinking that his ex was going to call or appear without warning all the time!!!

Just because you've come into someone's life later doesn't mean you have to take everything lying down - you have a right to privacy within a relationship as well.

Just trying to put another point of view across.

galvanizersbaby

maggied wrote: »

We don't know that the ex was visiting the children (obviously fair enough if she was).

I do think the ex needs to move on a bit but don't think OP has much clout if they don't live together.

It also depends on the regularity of asking to borrow things, popping round etc. If it's constant then I think OP is well within her rights to ask for some boundaries. I know I could never relax with my OH to begin with thinking that his ex was going to call or appear without warning all the time!!!

Just because you've come into someone's life later doesn't mean you have to take everything lying down - you have a right to privacy within a relationship as well.

Just trying to put another point of view across.

I think you are right to an extent with the living together (not that OP hasn't a right to feel uncomfortable with things as they are) and it is difficult to advise further without knowing the commitment level and nature of OP's relationship

Background: me & partner been together 4 1/2 yrs we don't live together but see each other every day so quite close in that respect. He has 2 boys (teenagers both live with him) from his first marriage which ended about 19 years ago. I get on well with the boys.

From OP's post I would say 4 and a half years was a long time but when she describes the relationship as 'quite close' I find it difficult to ascertain priorities in this respect

red_devil

exes mum and dad go on holidays together. Exes mum is remarried and the husband goes too.

Weird to me but they like it!

maggied_2

RD - horses for courses and all that! I guess I'm just more of a 'moving on' kind of a person.

Anyway I meant to add - if your OH is anything like mine OP (no reason that he should be of course and I would like to make a disclaimer right here for the sweeping generalisation I am about to make) but he sees things in black and white.

As in: "can you ask your X not to call when we're in bed / on holiday / mealtimes / all the freakin time (delete as appropriate)

Him: but it's her calling me so it doesn't mean anything

Me: Yes but it's quite an intrusion. And she was calling for *insert utterly pointless reason for calling* - it's not really necessary. She's just looking for excuses to be constantly in your face.

Him: But I don't love her anymore so it's not a problem.

Me: I give up. Pass the wine.

Or something like that. :rolleyes:

Point is in his head it really isn't a problem! Of course if it is a problem, and you have been together 4.5 years then he should be taking your feelings into consideration. He's the one with the ex and the kids so he does need to sit in the middle and make sure he meets everyone's needs.

welshmoneylover

Thanks for the replies guys, it's given me food for thought.

welshmoneylover

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

zippychick

welshmoneylover wrote: »

Just to add, on this particular day we were going out together and cos she had the car I couldn't go! It was christmas day, so she got to go to her family party, I had to stay at home and had no way of getting to my family party! He knew my party was pre-arranged weeks in advance, he gave her the car christmas morning knowing we needed it as well.

P!ssed me off a bit :mad:
What made me more mad was he couldn't understand why I was upset

I think this part I find upsetting more; the fact that he can't acknowledge that these actions are upsetting me in some way.
Hence his reason for telling me I'm jealous.

Or maybe it's because you're jealous?

shellsuit

welshmoneylover wrote: »

Thanks for the replies guys, it's given me food for thought.

Do I plan to marry him? NO WAY, not now!

I hadn't considered his kids seeing the house as theirs as well, good point. Their mother is more than welcome any time, I've told my partner I will not step foot in the house while she is there! (childish I know but read on..)

As for the tools and car, well she can have the lot! :rotfl:

I'm going to dump him and find myself a puppy!

Life's too short to be upset by a fella and his ex baggage.

You hadn't considered, after 4.5 years of being with the bloke that his kids see the house as theirs?

Of course it's theirs, it's their home!

And you are going to dump him on the basis that you are jealous of his ex? After 4.5 years?!

What exactly has she done? It's your bloke that allows it, he could always refuse couldn't he, but maybe he doesn't because he acts like an adult and knows that whatever has happened, she is still the Mother of his children.

Their marriage ended 19 years ago......19!

My OH has never been jealous of my ex and ex has never been jealous of OH when it comes to the kids, thank God.