How ironic can it get?

elisebutt65

Frustratedmother wrote: »

Hi folks
He is now living with his partner who works full time and still claiming benefits meaning he will get the maximum tax credits as well as child benefit but I am also likely to be asked to pay by the CSA. I have a reasonable income but have quite a large credit card debt (run up on esentials, not luxuries), car loan and a big mortgage. From what I can read the CSA won't take any of this into account and I am likely to be asked to pay £40 a week or so. I simply can't afford this if I am still to eat and put petrol in the car to let me work. a long time to clear so no quick fix there.

What you do now is ring up the benefit fraudline and let them know that he is living with someone full time and claiming benefits!!! These fraudsters are costing each of us about £25 a month - From BBC news yesterday and I am so sick of it!!!

He should not get any means tested benefits at all if he's living with someone who works - unless she is one a tiny wage and if he's still claiming now then he should have to repay it all back! It also solves the problem of your DS wanting to live there as he won't be able to if your ex is in prison for benefit fraud

And yes I am being mean spirited and beatchy cos yet again my ex has failed to may his maintenance!!!!

PlayingHardball

libbyc3 wrote: »

to the OP - I totally sympathise - am potentially in very similar situation. Ex left the country to avoid paying for his kids 10 years ago, arrears of £24K built up. Arrives back in the UK earlier this year and was picked up by the CSA system and had huge bill slapped on him.
Long story short - has emotionally blackmailed DS to the point that DS is seriously considering going to live with him just so his poor father can go on the dole and get maintanence from me as he just cannot afford to live with 40% of his wages being taken away.
The stress of the whole situation is such that i am at the point of calling the CSA off -

I wouldn't give up just yet - I would point out to your DS that his Dad was nowhere to be seen for 10 years when it came to supporting him, but YOU WERE THERE ALL ALONG. In these situations, I HATE it when NRP's use their kids like this - I've had the blackmail too with mine (15 too). Be strong, be factual to your son, put him straight as to how much his Dad cared for him by the amount of financial support he gave to his life so far. Deep down your son knows all this, but it won't hurt to remind him. You have been there for him all along, emotionally and financially. Could you ever imagine yourself moving to another country and stopping to support your children? I doubt it. But your ex did.

As for bribery - I get totally understand what you are saying (BEEN THERE) - lets hope your ex will show his true stripes as my ex has recently done with my children. They really can't be bothered with him anymore, and all about 'his money'. He is just happy that he is making me suffer (like your ex) but the ironic thing is, I'M not suffering, his DD is. He is too selfish to see that, like your ex.

Are you sure arrears are due, as CSA do not have jurisdiction if ex is out of country (unless they didn't know, and kept case open, but even then I'm unsure of the exact rules & regs) Find this out for sure, in writing from CSA if necessaray - and if you are due it, go for it 100%. I wouldn't walk away, if nothing else, that 24k will help your kids with further education (TELL THE KIDS THIS), or help buy their first car (TELL YOUR DD SON THIS!)

Hope this helps!

Blonde_Bint

Frustrated Mother, Playinghardball is absolutely right. If you can get yourself a second wind, look into it. You have nothing to lose (keep that blood pressure under control:p) and your children have maybe a little something to gain.

I'm not a believer in doing the NRP for everything you can get, but mostly people can pay something even if at some points in time its only a little. Peoples situations can change. But in the case of an NRP who p*sses off sticking his fingers in the air at HIS OWN CHILDREN HAPPILY :mad::mad:

Frustrated Mother if its owed to you, YOU OWE IT TO the children to at least look into it, i'm of the 'cant be ar sed brigade' and 'anything for an easy life regiment' myself but sometimes 'engaging ar se into gear' is required.

Anyone know what happened to Kelloggs and Zara??? them to r great believers in the 'engage ar se' I think this is an 'engage ar se' situation.