How ironic can it get?

DUTR

Lixxie raises a good point on the double standards issue, CS is supposed to be paid by NRP's irrespective of gender, at least the OP will have a taste of things from both sides of the table.

Bethankim

I have had all sorts of issues with my 15nyear old son too..he elected to live with his dad for a bit, he lasted 7 days in total spread over a few weeks..missed his mates and actually didn't like having no rules.

you have 6 weeks before you have to transfer things - i guess depends on whether you have had enough and think a bit of space is a good thing and allow some time to cool off or you really want him home. so you can set some ground rules of a 4 week trial period

if however you accept he goes then as he will be residing with his dad then yes you will have to pay maintenace no matter how much it galls you, its not about his dad its about your son.

my ex paid naff all for 10 years and although is paying now it still isnt alot, i have had to remove my anger at his dad and keep focused on whats important, my son i kept communication open and we have begun to come out the other side..

Matt_Fry

Frustratedmother wrote: »

risk exposing himself to a fraud investigation regarding his living together situation.

If I seem ignoranus then I apologise. How does a living together situation commit fraud? Partners have lived with me over the years with little or no bearing on tax liabilities and minimal impact on Council tax, have I missed something?

Gorgeous_George

This is how it works for fathers 99% of the time. It is equally unfair of course.

The usual response is that you will have 85% of your income to live on.


GG

PlayingHardball

Hi Frustrated Mum.....I know this may not help, but I had trouble with my teenager a little while ago, and found an excellent book called 'Help, my teenager is an Alien' by Sarah Newton. I can really recommend it. I had EXACTLY the same situation as you in reverse, daughter called her dad (my ex) 'daddy cool'. She isn't saying that now, (he's finally shown his true stripes) and honestly, the book gave me some really good strategies to combat her attitude towards me (encouraged by dad, no doubt)

Here it is, if you are interested....

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Help-My-Teenager-Alien-Situation/dp/0718149718/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1249888969&sr=8-1

GG - the difference is that the OP never had financial support from the 'deadbeat' ex and now it must be really hurtful/ gaulling that son is turning his back on Mum for same deadbeat ex. Lets hope Mr Deadbeat has the sense to cough up for his son now after all these years.

Frustratedmother

Ok, my final word just to clarify, not that it is likely to make a pick of difference to some.

I am not objecting to pay maintenance per se. If my ex and I had split recently I would be able and prepared to pay the 15% that the CSA would expect. Where I think my situation differs from 99% of NRPs is that I have spent the last 15 years bringing up my son entirely without any help from his father and incurring debt in doing so. To ignore this context seems unfair.

Oh and LizzieS, having managed to escape from an abusive relationship and facing the prospect of bringing up and supporting a 2 year old single handed (through work, not benefits) at the same time as repairing my own badly damaged self esteem, it is quite shocking to discover that another woman would condemn me for refusing to take responsibility for his petty little schemes.

Sisterhood is alive and well I see! I wish you everything you deserve.

Frustratedmother

PlayingHardball wrote: »

Hi Frustrated Mum.....I know this may not help, but I had trouble with my teenager a little while ago, and found an excellent book called 'Help, my teenager is an Alien' by Sarah Newton. I can really recommend it. I had EXACTLY the same situation as you in reverse, daughter called her dad (my ex) 'daddy cool'. She isn't saying that now, (he's finally shown his true stripes) and honestly, the book gave me some really good strategies to combat her attitude towards me (encouraged by dad, no doubt)

Here it is, if you are interested....

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Help-My-Teenager-Alien-Situation/dp/0718149718/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1249888969&sr=8-1

GG - the difference is that the OP never had financial support from the 'deadbeat' ex and now it must be really hurtful/ gaulling that son is turning his back on Mum for same deadbeat ex. Lets hope Mr Deadbeat has the sense to cough up for his son now after all these years.

Thanks PlayingHardball, our posts crossed. I'm glad that somebody can see the difference. I'll check that book out. :A

PlayingHardball

Bethankim wrote: »

I have had all sorts of issues with my 15nyear old son too..he elected to live with his dad for a bit, he lasted 7 days in total spread over a few weeks..missed his mates and actually didn't like having no rules.....

Bethankim - that is a really good post and spot on for the OP. Lets hope it works the same for her as it did for you. Its hard to see the trees for the forest sometimes, especially when stress comes into it, like our friend Frustrated.

robpw2

Frustratedmother wrote: »

Oh and LizzieS, having managed to escape from an abusive relationship and facing the prospect of bringing up and supporting a 2 year old single handed (through work, not benefits) at the same time as repairing my own badly damaged self esteem, it is quite shocking to discover that another woman would condemn me for refusing to take responsibility for his petty little schemes.

Sisterhood is alive and well I see! I wish you everything you deserve.

i was on your side untill i read this

benefit fraud is a crime and you have given your ex the impression that your ok with it you should have reported him a long time ago

everytime you handed him your pasting table you gave him the impression that you were ok with his benefit claiming and him working cash in hand and subsequently his preventing you getting money from the csa

Frustratedmother

Thanks for your support robpw2, good of you to say so.

Unfortunately I don't know how to quote you properly from another thread but yesterday you recommended that another FM falsely claim to her employer that she had swine flu.

"hows that throat of yours ... ? i mean as your working your notice surely if you were to suddenly get "swine" flu you wouldnt be able to work your notice sadly lol"


Now in my book, that's not exactly legal.

I have never committed benefit fraud or advised anyone to do so.

Seems in your book it's ok to defraud an employer but not to do nothing - for self protection from abuse and harrassment - while somebody else (entirely without your encouragement or approval) commits fraud.

I know which one would make me feel more culpable and it's not the second.