How ironic can it get?

robpw2

please note my thread from yesterday was not reccomending that she did anything of the sort ... it was in all intense of purposes sarcasim the lol at the end meaning laugh out loud was my way of showing people who cannot tell sarcasm that this was meant to be funny
besides being ill for your notice period whilst not exactly moral is not against the law ..in this country you can self certify for 7 days for example ..

as for your self protection from abuse and harrassment ...- whilst someone commits fraud you give them your pasting table to do so thats a physical act i see that as encouragment and approval to do his painting an decorating - i wouldnt be lending anything to anyone that abused me in the past ..
and you are allowing him to go on claiming benefit for " disabilty" whilst knowing full well he is working cash in hand
and the only reason your mentioning it now is the fact that you will have to pay child support to your childs dad ..

you can make calls to the benefits hotline anonuymsly so no one would assume it was you unless you went about telling all and sundry

Frustratedmother

robpw2 wrote: »

please note my thread from yesterday was not reccomending that she did anything of the sort ... it was in all intense of purposes sarcasim the lol at the end meaning laugh out loud was my way of showing people who cannot tell sarcasm that this was meant to be funny
besides being ill for your notice period whilst not exactly moral is not against the law ..in this country you can self certify for 7 days for example ..

Ooh, wriggle, wriggle.

I can tell sarcasm robpw2 and anyone who reads the thread I've copied that quote from will see you were in fact advising the OP to do exactly what you wrote to deal with a situation where her employer was being unreasonable.

I said he borrowed the pasting table, not that I gave it to him. My son gave it to him. I have as little contact with him as is possible and when I can't avoid it only in the presence of others.

Whatever, you will think what you want to think. I assume from your righteous indignation here that you telephone the police every time you see someone commit a motoring offence or is that different too? They must love you.

All the best in your righteous campaign against (certain specific types of) lawlessness.

shell_542

I don't want to be seen as jumping on you or being nasty Frustratedmother, but if you knew your ex was committing benefit fraud and at the same time it was enabling him to get out of paying you child support, making you struggle and get into debt, then that should have been the time to report him to the CSA ... not 13 years down the line when your son decides to live with his father and there is a chance he will apply to them for child support. It does look a little petty from an outsider ... but who cares what a stranger on the net thinks? It's your life.

The bottom line which is always thrown at NRP's when they cannot afford to pay child support or they explain how they think it is unfair because of something a PWC has done is that they have to think of the children. And if the CSA say you have to pay child support then there isn't much you can do ... just as if your ex had been contacted years ago and he maybe couldn't have afforded it. Tough basically.

ifonlyitwaseasier

i have also read the thread that robpw2 and i took the comment about the sore throat as a joke.

FM you may have brought your son up on your own without a penny from your ex, but i agree with the previous poster that in letting your ex borrow the pasting table you helped him play the system and although that might not be how it seemed to you reading it on here that is how it seems to some of us.

i hope you get the situation with your son sorted out and that he realises just how easy he had it at yours compared with how hard you had to work.

shell_542

I forgot to add I also think that once your ex realises the responsibilities that come with being a parent full time and your son realises that living with Dad isn't all fun and games, he'll be back before you know it.

DUTR

shell_542 wrote: »

I forgot to add I also think that once your ex realises the responsibilities that come with being a parent full time and your son realises that living with Dad isn't all fun and games, he'll be back before you know it.

Hate to burst a bubble but that may well not be the case, not all NRPs hate having thre opportunity and both the child and the current nrp may actually enjoy the change of circumstance.

LizzieS_2

Frustratedmother wrote: »

Ok, my final word just to clarify, not that it is likely to make a pick of difference to some.

I am not objecting to pay maintenance per se. If my ex and I had split recently I would be able and prepared to pay the 15% that the CSA would expect. Where I think my situation differs from 99% of NRPs is that I have spent the last 15 years bringing up my son entirely without any help from his father and incurring debt in doing so. To ignore this context seems unfair.

Your situation is no different at all. Yes you received very little help, but so do many others. As the system is % based you will find very few who would pay the same if roles were reversed. There are certainly some men on here who paid a lot yet received very little when roles reversed - none of them complain.

Oh and LizzieS, having managed to escape from an abusive relationship and facing the prospect of bringing up and supporting a 2 year old single handed (through work, not benefits) at the same time as repairing my own badly damaged self esteem, it is quite shocking to discover that another woman would condemn me for refusing to take responsibility for his petty little schemes.

It appears you have had 13 years to report the fraud, 13 years when you have done nothing. Now faced with the prospect of having to pay yourself, you are using the fraud as a weapon to avoid responsibility yourself. Afraid your actions are no better than his - you are as bad as each other.

I find it totally ironic that you were willing to claim yet object to paying yourself.

Sisterhood is alive and well I see! I wish you everything you deserve.

As for your last comment, toys and pram spring to mind.

shell_542

DUTR wrote: »

Hate to burst a bubble but that may well not be the case, not all NRPs hate having thre opportunity and both the child and the current nrp may actually enjoy the change of circumstance.

I was basing my response on what has been written already ... in that the NRP has no set ground rules ... which he will have to set down once the child lives with him. I wasn't tarring all NRP's with the same brush. Just what I have seen happen a lot in the past with children going off to live with the NRP because they think it's going to be all fun and games, with no rules but when it comes down to it some realise it's actually not much different to home with the PWC.

.

DUTR

shell_542 wrote: »

I was basing my response on what has been written already ... in that the NRP has no set ground rules ... which he will have to set down once the child lives with him. I wasn't tarring all NRP's with the same brush. Just what I have seen happen a lot in the past with children going off to live with the NRP because they think it's going to be all fun and games, with no rules but when it comes down to it some realise it's actually not much different to home with the PWC.

.

I understand that, what we have to remember is that the NRP or the Dependant child are not included in the thread to give their own view on the circumstance, I always have doubts when one partner is bad mouthing the ex when we are not able to confirm if that is the truth and bits added for viewers to take the poster's side. When I was younger Mum done most of the cooking but if she was out and Dad was the chef for the period, we knew that we were in for an even more yummy meal, what I am saying is there are exceptions to the usual, and the OP has to be mindful that her situation may fall into the exception , it is too early for complacency.

enemes

Hey ... lets chill out guys! Some harsh words being said on both sides. And ... why do we feel that we have to take sides at all?

But I have to say - without condoning fraud of any type - that if my ex (NRP) had come to me and had asked for a tool from which she may have made some money, I would probably have handed it over in the hope that she may have been able to pay something towards the children. OK ... maybe after a few occassions and I was going to see nothing in return I may have stopped lending things out, but rented it to her instead!