Taking control of my life

Ames

She told me. I'm going to check out my medical records with my doctors, to make sure she's right (there was a lot more to it than just that, which can easily be checked as my), but like I said it makes a lot of sense. It explains my parents attitudes towards me and my illnesses, and other people's, for the last ten or more years. It also explains my mum's attitude towards my sister. To be honest, I don't think my sister could have come up with a lie that fits so nicely with everything.

sunshinesheli

Hi Ames, just found this Diary after lurking in your other thread a while back Just wanted to say a few things;

Firstly, I hope that you get the SS thing sorted soon. I can't believe how awful your sw has been..

and also, I'll be moving to Leeds in easter next year, which I know is a while away, but when I get there I'd be happy to help you with shopping / cooking if you're still struggling by then!

Hope everything gets sorted soon!

Ames

Wow, thank you for your very kind offer! Yet another example of the DFW spirit and kindness. Hopefully I wont still be struggling by then, but if I am I'll take you up on it.

GeorgeUK

Hi Ames - feel free to frop me a PM any time. (i'll try to declutter my PM's now)

What did the guy actually say to you? There are lots of stores that offer cashback on debit cards - did he possibly think it was a credit card? Not sure if there is a charge on the merchant for each transaction, so that might have been it.

Did he know what you meant when you asked him to give you the oney back, from what you have written, it may have sounded like you buy a T-shirt on the card and then you give the T-shirt back and get the money for it. If that was the case then it may have been that you were not making him an actual sale.

Anyway, hope you're feeling a bit better and not too down about it. Not too sure what a 12 year old (or younger) could have done to give anyone problems like this - she wasn't a pyromaniac was she?

Ames

I asked him if I could buy the tshirt on my card and him (the guy in the queue) give me the money for it and me give him the shirt. He said that he didn't know me, didn't trust me, and wasn't going to get scammed by me (which wasn't possible - I'd be buying the tshirt before he handed over the money). It was more the shocked mutterings around me about how I should just walk to the cash machines. I probably took it too much to heart, I'd had a crap night before with my sister telling me how bad she's felt for the last 12 years because of me.

Apparantly it was because she got ME, which made me feel jealous of all the attention, and so I got depressed because of it. Apparantly the paediatrician who diagnosed my ME told her and mum at her appointment that although he was diagnosing me he thought it wasn't ME, but depression caused by her. Of course, bipolar can't be caused like that, but it was years before we got to that diagnosis for me. But she's been carrying guilt and crap from parents for years because of it. It does explain though why my parents have never taken my ME seriously.

I really need to speak to my doctors and find out what's in my medical files about all that.

ZTD

A Doctor would not diagnose one thing, whilst thinking it was another. Especially sharing that information with the people who were the most likely to be taking him to court for a mis-diagnoses...

If he thought it was depression, then you would have had treatment for depression. If that hadn't worked, then you would have went back into the sausage machine (NHS) for them to have another go.

Ames

See, that's where it gets complicated. I was seeing a psychiatrist at the time, we were told it was to help come to terms with the ME. I found out a couple of years ago that he diagnosed borderline personality disorder, without telling me or my family (since I was under 18). I asked my current psychiatrist a few months ago what it was in my childhood that was supposed to have caused it, and she said that it was going to all the hospital appointments (which seems a bit of a weak reason for getting a personality disorder, plus it was diagnosed when I was a child and it's only supposed to be able to be diagnosed in adults, but I digress...). I mentioned that to sister, and she said that it was going to the hospital appointments because of her being ill and me trying to get attention. So it does all make sense in a weird kind of way, more so if you understand my family.

As for him telling my family, I can well imagine my mum pushing him for it, she's very unstable and has munchausens tendencies. I can't say for definite because it's never been formally diagnosed, but she kept us both as ill as she could for benefits purposes and to get sympathy, I found out later that she was telling people a load of lies about how ill we were. And she threw my sister out when she wised up and refused to pretend to be ill after she'd recovered just so she could get benefits. So to have me with various problems piled on top of each other would have really appealed to her. And screwing us up further would have kept us dependent on her and everything. In fact, I can easily imagine that the doctor only said it to please her, in fact said something like 'it's probably ME but could be depression...' and mum's blown that out of all proportion, and my sister being 12 would have heard something bad to her, especially if mum emphasised that. Mum has a tendency to do that - a couple of years ago I was tested for possible (though unlikely) liver cancer. The doctor said that an ultrasound had shown up a couple of lesions, whereas she heard him say lumps, and got it into her head that I had cancer. The whole time I was in hospital it was all about her - she even accused me of being abusive towards her when I was annoyed she was making us late because she insisted on having a fag when I picked her up from the train station even though the timing was tight.

Sorry, seem to have gone on a bit much there! Saturday night's talk has really brought a lot of crap to the front of my mind again.

We're a very, very f****d up family.

ZTD

It's usually the tendency that the more you push a doctor, the vaguer they become and the more pills and potions you end up with to deal with the "could be"s.

From what you've said, it's far more likely that your Mother came out with that "statement" than your Doctor. As time goes on, it is possible your sister believes the Doctor said it, rather than your Mother saying it - memory does tend to smudge things alas.

Though what your sister hears, what she believes and what she says are 3 different things.

Ames

You're completely right about it being possible my mother said that. Or at least asked if it could be, and the doctor agreed that it was possible. But all that's pretty irrelevent, it doesn't matter who said it, or why. What matters is that my sister believes it and now is seriously messed up because of it, and I need to figure out what to do about it and how to move on. So I'll be trying to get to see my various doctors asap to find out how much of it's true (if anything - the bit about the BPD being her fault will be very easy to check), and how I go on from here, if only about my feelings and responses to it.

Thanks for taking the time to read and reply, I know it's all got very heavy all of a sudden. I doubt I'll have any readers left after this lot! You've helped me a lot, not just tonight.

ZTD

Ames wrote: »

You're completely right about it being possible my mother said that. Or at least asked if it could be, and the doctor agreed that it was possible. But all that's pretty irrelevent, it doesn't matter who said it, or why. What matters is that my sister believes it and now is seriously messed up because of it, and I need to figure out what to do about it and how to move on. So I'll be trying to get to see my various doctors asap to find out how much of it's true (if anything - the bit about the BPD being her fault will be very easy to check), and how I go on from here, if only about my feelings and responses to it.

Again - I wouldn't say this is necessarily true. Unfortunately your sister (along with your XOH) have lied too much for me to take any of their statements with an initial assumption of truth.

It is possible she believes that. It is also possible she does not. It is, however, a convenient stick to hit you with - now the "the family all hate you and love me and worship me and cherish the light that shines from the deepest portion of my sphincter" stick has been taken away.

She does seem to love making you unhappy. Another Munchausen by proxy perhaps?