Daughter and an older "boyfriend"

Peanuckle

Mutter wrote: »

I've deleted my post as I've seen you've sorted it. Sounds like you have a very nice daughter and a sound relationship. Are you going to keep this from Dad? Sometimes what they don't know, won't hurt them, daddy's girl and all that.

I think it would only cause problems if Dad knew, he still sees her as the little girl he adopted and would feel he'd failed as a father because she went behind our backs.

She spent most of today talking to her mates about their results, which are due tomorrow :eek:, and planning for their return to school in 2 weeks. I didn't tell her I'd rung him so she doesn't know I found the number, think I'll keep an eye on the itemised bill for a while to see if the calls stop though.

ria.pulls

Hi peaknuckle,

I've just read through your thread and wanted to congratulate you on handling such a difficult situation so well.

Your reaction has obviously paid off and you must have a great relationship with your daughter which sounds like its come out of this stronger for the next problem! Having been a 15 year old girl myself once, i know it could so easily ended up a massive battle!!

Well done!!:T

zippychick

Peanuckle wrote: »

I think it would only cause problems if Dad knew, he still sees her as the little girl he adopted and would feel he'd failed as a father because she went behind our backs.

She spent most of today talking to her mates about their results, which are due tomorrow :eek:, and planning for their return to school in 2 weeks. I didn't tell her I'd rung him so she doesn't know I found the number, think I'll keep an eye on the itemised bill for a while to see if the calls stop though.

That's really interesting she doesn't know. What reason did he give her?

Can i just comment, if you are expecting your daughter to be open and honest , yet keep the phone call a secret, isn't it very possible she will end up resenting you for it? (providing she finds out). It just seems a little hypocritical to expect her to be open and honest, when you yourself are creating lies.

Peanuckle wrote: »

We've had more tears this morning also as it has sunk in just how disappointed I am in her for lying to me

Peanuckle

she says he told her that he felt bad about driving a wedge between her and her family after she'd told him that I now knew. Doesn't sound like he mentioned me ringing but I see your point. However I will do anything I have to in order to keep my kids safe, neglecting to mention one phone call certainly isn't the worst thing in the world, especially since in a teenagers mind that could be twisted into me causing him to finish it. That might not be a popular opinion to have but I'll stand by it, how many parents can honestly say they tell their kids 100% truth 100% of the time?

System

You have to ask yourself what a 23 year old man at uni, sees in a 15 year old girl.

that's if he is even 23, and not some peado.

That kind of age gap isn't so bad between adults but something seems wrong with this. I think you should tell her dad. That way you can tackle this together.

You only have to look at this story which has been in the new recently http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1204187/I-dont-want-trouble-Teenager-ran-away-man-met-online-reunited-family.html

kindofagilr

Yeah can you invite him around?

I was 16 and seeing a 24 year old and nothing went wrong with that, apart from the normal relationship fizzling out

zippychick

Peanuckle wrote: »

she says he told her that he felt bad about driving a wedge between her and her family after she'd told him that I now knew. Doesn't sound like he mentioned me ringing but I see your point. However I will do anything I have to in order to keep my kids safe, neglecting to mention one phone call certainly isn't the worst thing in the world, especially since in a teenagers mind that could be twisted into me causing him to finish it. That might not be a popular opinion to have but I'll stand by it, how many parents can honestly say they tell their kids 100% truth 100% of the time?

Of course and I understand your reasoning. I just remember my teenage mind, and if this had happened to me , I got punished for lying, then found out my Mum had lied, I would have went through the roof! If she is as hurt as you say, how do you know she still isn't in contact with him online etc? How do you know she isn't trying to find out more ? I would just worry it all came back at you if she finds out (which of course hopefully she won't)

How is she doing now? I hope she is ok and "over it" a bit more. x

Knub

Going to throw in my 50 cents:

When I was at University, talking to 15 year old girls was and wuldo be the last thing on my mind. There are 1000's of single girls at Uni for men the right age group, I met my partner at University and have been together a long time.

Everyone is attracted to different things but why settle for a girl/young woman at best if he can invest time and effort into women his own age or roughly at LEAST the same peer group.

I appreciate girls mature faster than guys and can often seem older (and deffinaltey look it!!!) and guys are often less mature and will date a girl 2-3 years younger than them no problem.

The age gap between a 15 year old girl and a 23 year old male, regardless of how "mature" they are really raises alarm bells in my head. If it were my daughter I would be worried. The difference is huge. Therefore I don't see anything wrong with getting over protective. It's not like she is 18/19 and he is 26/27. Even that is more acceptable because they are both "adults" at least.

Regardless of how nice he sounds and how great he appears to be, you won't know until you meet him. Face to face. That would be the ONLY way my daughter (if I had one) would be allowed to meet a guy in this same situation.

FYI I'm only 25, have many friends ranging from 18 through to whatever age. All the guys around 18+ would not even THINK about a 15 year old girl. That is the truth.

delain

when i was 16 i started seeing someone who was 36,

Three children and a whole load of grief later i can see i was taken advantage of. But you just can't see it at that age!

Now i would not date someone who was 16, they seems like babies to me! (i'm in my mid twenties)

Having said that i have a large age gap in my current relationship, but as i was 22 when we got serious so it doesn't affect us

Gavin83

newcook wrote: »

This is just an assumption from your name but Im guessing you are 24/25 and male? you are only a year or 2 older than OP's 15yo daughters boyfriend - would you date a 16/17 year old?!? or would you think there is something wrong with that?!?!!?!?

Im actually 23, the same age as the man in the OP, my username isn't representative of my DOB.

I'll be honest with you. I'd have a problem dating a 15 year old for one reason. I feel that an important part of an actual relationship (not just a fling) is a healthy sex life and for obvious reasons you couldn't have this with an underage girl. For the same reason I wouldn't have a problem dating a 16 or 17 year old.

Age is just a number and it really doesn't make a difference in my eyes. If I met a mature 17 year old that I got on with and shared similar interests with, I wouldn't discard the possibility of a relationship purely because of her age. That seems like lunacy in my eyes.

I can agree thats it's unlikely you'd share similar interests and life goals as a 17 year old but these things do happen.