Daughter and an older "boyfriend"

MadDogWoman_2

Hi,

I'm very happy with my older man (13 years older).

We met when I was 18 bought our house when I was 19, married when I was 22, baby when I was 30.

We had lots of problems have our DD, which I have said in the past I don't think the relationship would have survived if we were closer in age. I found fertility treatment really really hard.

My parents were concerned when we got together.

I would stress that it's her safety your concerned about not about the age difference. Definitely issue some kind of penalty for the lying but make sure she knows it the lying.

HTH

MDW

ukjoel

What if it were your 15 year old son and his 22 year old girlfriend?

Personal view is that 8 years isnt a big gap (however at that age I can appreciate how it may be.

At 15 kids are very different with some acting like twentysomethings and others still like they are 11. Girls do tend to be more mature and while i do understand where your coming from I think you need deal with it.

Lets face it everyone want grandchildren but nowon likes the idea of their kids having sex. Cant have it both ways.

Then again do a harry potter and lock her in the cupboard under the stairs until she hits 16.:D

Pee

BTW my Mum said years later that she could have "learnt to like" the 24 year old boyfriend, presumably because the boyfriends that have followed have been much worse albeit mainly in her imagination!

swiss69

What is she is 15 by just a couple of days and he is 3 days away from being 24? Would that put a different slant on it? Where do you draw the line with this. What if your mature 12 year old daughter was seeing a lad of 17 ? How would you feel then?

I find it amazing that so many people think that this is acceptable. If I had a 15 year old daughter and she had met someone on the internet and then met him without me knowing I would give her the biggest @@@@@@@@@ of her life!

This could have led to her being raped or worse, it is just lucky that it didnt!

23 year old men not wanting sex? Come on.............

alwaysonthego_2

swiss69 wrote: »

What is she is 15 by just a couple of days and he is 3 days away from being 24? Would that put a different slant on it? Where do you draw the line with this. What if your mature 12 year old daughter was seeing a lad of 17 ? How would you feel then?

I find it amazing that so many people think that this is acceptable. If I had a 15 year old daughter and she had met someone on the internet and then met him without me knowing I would give her the biggest @@@@@@@@@ of her life!

This could have led to her being raped or worse, it is just lucky that it didnt!

23 year old men not wanting sex? Come on.............

OMG talk about over reaction, I take it you do not have children!

If the op bans her dd from seeing this guy she is going to create more problems as the dd is going to sneak off and the mother will not know what she is up to which is far more of a risk.

The op should welcome him into the family and she can keep an eye on the situation. The dd is more likely going to talk to the mother and if her parents approve it kinda takes the fun out of it.

Why would she be at risk of rape, not every man is a rapist!

Let's hope you do not have a dd!

red_devil

This could have led to her being raped or worse, it is just lucky that it didnt!


I agree she had a lucky escape but she did and the best thing to do now is welcome him into the family. Age is just a number. Its not important. Barring her from seeing him will make her do it in secret I think.

chickflick1066

I too think you are handling the situation very well. When I was 18 I had a year long relationship with a man 17 years my senior. Mum wasn't happy (dad was livid!) but mum just let the relationship run its course cos it was never gonna be happy ever after! I was glad my mum let me do my own thing, she made sure I was sex-savvy and let me get on with my own business. Had she intervened then I am likely to have have resented her and carried on seeing him behind her back.

Do you want your daughter not to feel like she can't confide in you even if you don't like her fella? Things might work out but she's still young - as long as she remains savvy and keeps a sensible head on then she should be fine.

I would agree with the idea about meeting the chap.

Peanuckle

red_devil wrote: »

This could have led to her being raped or worse, it is just lucky that it didnt!


I agree she had a lucky escape but she did and the best thing to do now is welcome him into the family. Age is just a number. Its not important. Barring her from seeing him will make her do it in secret I think.

That is exactly what I told her, she is a very lucky young lady as it could have gone very wrong and we wouldn't have even known where to look for her.
As for ages, she is 15 and a half, he's 24 next month apparently. She is not very streetwise and is, in her teacher and my opinions, immature for her age in a lot of ways. She is far too trusting and I was very scared that she had done things which she didn't want but was persuaded into. It seems not thankfully and we have had another chat this morning about how, when she is ready, I will take her to the doctors and arrange contraception etc.

I got his phone number from the itemised phone bill last night and rang it, I told him that I was her mother and wanted to have a chat about where this was going, he hung up. About an hour after she came downstairs in tears saying he didn't want to see her any more. The more I think about his reaction the more I think she's had a lucky escape to be honest.
We've had more tears this morning also as it has sunk in just how disappointed I am in her for lying to me and going off with a complete stranger and she's been apologising for, in her words, "being a fool and falling for the idea more than the person"

swiss69

alwaysonthego wrote: »

OMG talk about over reaction, I take it you do not have children!

(Let's hope you do not have a dd!

)

I do have children. I dont have a daughter and thank god I dont if this is what you have to look forward to!

I dont think its an overreaction. She could have come to harm as some people do (Do you never read the press or watch the news?)

A child is still a child at 15 whether they like it or not and they do not have sufficient life experience to make judgements on how safe a guy is. Maybe she will carry on seeing him and if so then i suppose it is better that you meet him but I would not give my approval.

A 23 year should know better than chase a 15 year old girl.

red_devil

I dont agree with making a fuss about age. Its how you get on thats important. Plenty of same age relationships break up there are no guarantees.

Op sounds like you scared him off.;):o