Advice please!

SuzieSue

EL321 wrote: »

Oh really, I dont know I would like that though because how would we know we would both be asking for the same thing so as to avoid conflict if anything happened. At least if we went to the same one we could agree on something together and we would both be sharing our thoughts rather than doing it separate?xx

You should go to one solicitor to get the agreement drawn up, but to protect yourself, you should ensure that your partner gets independent legal advice from another solicitor. This would be particularly important if you were married because in the case of a divorce, the agreement could be challenged by his lawyer if he hadn't had independent advice. Eventhough you are not married, it makes sense to do this.

DVardysShadow

EL321 wrote: »

To be honest DvardysShadow, I dont really know that he does not think about how to make up for the fact I'm putting such a big deposit down although I suppose I should realise that something needs to be said as he has suggested putting in the same amount each per month, regardless of me putting in such a large amount. He did say ages ago when we started discussing it all that he felt bad that he was not able to put such an amount of deposit down and I suppose maybe I should have said something then that he could pay more towards the mortgage if he earns more. Maybe he is a typical man and just takes a bit longer to work things out!? he he xx

Men can be told nothing. We acquire information ourselves and assemble our picture of the world in our heads for ourselves. So when he said he felt bad, that was the time when he wanted the information. It is all the clue you will get to him being receptive to discussion on the matter.

Talk to him, never mind the solicitor, go back to that conversation. Take it from there, express your concerns. It would be good to give him an opportunity to surprise you - he may already have partly assembled the picture in his head anyway.

And separate 'problem' and 'solution'. If he has his head screwed on, it will be enough to share the same picture of the problem. Don't try sharing the solution for a problem he does not see.

LandyAndy

dvardysshadow wrote: »

men can be told nothing. We acquire information ourselves and assemble our picture of the world in our heads for ourselves. So when he said he felt bad, that was the time when he wanted the information. It is all the clue you will get to him being receptive to discussion on the matter.

Talk to him, never mind the solicitor, go back to that conversation. Take it from there, express your concerns. It would be good to give him an opportunity to surprise you - he may already have partly assembled the picture in his head anyway.

and separate 'problem' and 'solution'. If he has his head screwed on, it will be enough to share the same picture of the problem. Don't try sharing the solution for a problem he does not see.

Good advice.

EL321

Yeah I think you're right there, I need to say to him, maybe in a jokey way, that I wont have much money left at the end of the month....but he will be loaded, how did that work out?! But if I have to I will spell it out to him! Thats why I think maybe going to the solicitors will make him think about it a bit more. He may think its a bit soon to decide on finances etc as we dont know exactly what we have yet to put down/what the bank can lend us but we need to know we are both happy before we proceed with buying this house. Dont worry I am not stupid - if I am not happy then I will say there is no point in us doing this I am not losing out on my 11 years of mortgage paying/hard work - its not really the figure that bothers me but the fact I had two jobs etc to afford my house and I'm glad I did but I dont want it all to be for nothing! I'd like to be financially a bit better off for it especially as he earns more than me now. Another thing is I could actually have not sold my property and carried on renting it out and used the 250 or so I made per month after paying mortgage to pay my half of the mortgage - but of course that would be a much bigger mortgage as we would not have the deposit, but my property would still be mine and would possibly be worth more in years to come!xx

GSXRCarlos

El,

I'd hate to sound harsh, but i really think you need to sit him down.

Stop talking with us on here and let him know how you feel, do you have a good friend who knows the situation and could mediate?

I think if a girlfriend of mine dragged me to the solicitors it'd be difficult to understand, and i'd want to know why we hadn't talked about things ourselves.

Have you tried mortgage calculators on the internet to establish (very roughly) what you could borrow?

gemstars

Just had a thought -

If he's going to have a lot of money left over at the end of the month have you considered getting your new joint mortgage over a shorter term and him paying more? That way:

1. You've both got similar amounts of spends left over each month
2. He'll be paying more into the mortgage and this will in in theory bring it closer to the 50/50 split you want
3. You'll have your mortgage paid off quicker so if anything does go wrong it'll be easier to sort out
4. You'll pay less interest overall.

EL321

Carlos - I agree and I would probably be thinking exactly the same if I was advising someone else! I just need to get my head round it though and just know that I am not being unreasonable. I have told one of my friends yeah, but I dont think I'd like to get her involved and neither would he, but I get your point. I will be going to the solicitors by myself, then I will suggest he comes with me. The Halifax have already said we can have a mortgage and the amount etc, we just either need to sell my partners house asap or for the bank to say they are happy to take my wages into account (as I am starting a new job next month). So we might have to borrow just a couple or so thousand from my parents which makes finances a bit more tricky to work out.

He has said that he is keen to pay more every month to make the mortgage payment less, but as hes not said he would do that with his owm money as such I'm not sure if that whats hes thinking that he could do - but to me he could decide not to and spend it on himself if he got fed up of it....I think the bank would only let us have a 35 year one as well but I think we will check on that again. This is the other thing he does not realise, I am 33 now and would have finished paying my mortgage by the time I am 47, this way I will be tied up till retirement, which I dont mind but I think he needs to realise - especially as I have been a student for 4 years and want to save up for my 'pension' - he will also have a good pension but mine needs to be topped up again after a few years of very light input. So if we paid off the mortgage he would be better off after retirement as he has a good pension, and if I havent been able to save for my pension I'm going to be resentful there again - which is why I really do need to sit him down and I think the best time is when he has sold, we know what the bank can lend us etc. I am also considering taking back a few thousand to put towards a new car which will bring my deposit to 40%, I dont think he should complain about that though!? Argh, I think I have too much time on my hands at the moment!! xx

alm721

Defo agree with a tennants in common arangment to reflect your deposit, alternativly have you worked out how much the mortgage would be if you added the amount equal to your deposit on and work out what you would have been paying without it

e.g mortage now is 600 per month so would be 300 each if split 50/50

add extra 80k and mortgage is now 1000 per month so 500 each

therefore partner should still pay 500 as this is amount mortgage was without your money. you then pay 100 per month as takes into account the amount the mortgage has reduced due to your money.

Obviously the amounts will vary depending on your mortgage amout, the only worry I would have with this is that it will work as long as you stay together until the mortgage is paid off. If you split before then with a 50/50 share then you will effectively lose so much of your deposit
defo take advice from solicitor.

EL321

Its all sorted now!!! On Thursday the bank told us we can borrow what we need based on my salary as well. I emailed my partner in work yesterday with the figures I thought we should both be paying because he is going to the bank on Wednesday to clarify fees and talk about insurance etc (I will be at my parents so cant go). He totally agrees with me! He says he just didnt really 'think about it' - but I bet he would if the tables were turned!!!! He also said he was hoping to be able to put a coiuple of grand to the mortgage every year or so to try and reduce the years of payment. So thats a weight off my mind.

I am going to tell him that I have an appointment with the solicitor to discuss my will (which I am) and that as part of that I also want to sort a contract and we will go together for that after, I will see what the solicitor says and take it from there.

Thanks all for your advice. I feel bad like I've put him in a bad light but I didnt know what else to think! I suppose women plan and think about things more than men - must be why they say behind every successful man is a woman (or something like the?!) ha ha

xx

Fire_Fox

EL321 wrote: »

Does anyone know if he will need to sign anything to say I have put in a £80,000 deposit, or will it just be between me and the solicitor? I suppose that anything else like how much we are paying towards the mortgage each would obviously need him to be present. xx

I doubt you can decide who needs to pay more towards the mortgage in a legal document. When you are granted a mortgage you are usually jointly and severally liable for the full amount - that means if he does not pay the bank can chase you for all of the arrears and vice versa. It may be different if you are tenants in common instead of joint tenants so check this out.