Advice please!

EL321

I was wondering actually if the solicitor would pick up on the possible need for a contract and advise it - if not I was maybe going to ask the solicitor to write us a letter suggesting this.

All in all we do have a good realationship yeah, but one of the 'faults' I suppose is we are both quite shy about talking about 'serious' matters - him more than me and I am just not able to bring him out of it. But we do manage in the end, somehow! he he

Yes I agree finance can be difficult in your realationship, I want to get the balance right of us having our own money, but fairly, but also having a joint account which makes us more of a couple - I suppose I just feel a bit concerned about such a large amount of money and I dont want to feel resentful of him as I think he should at least make up some of the deficit by paying a bit more as he earns a substantial more than me - maybe if he sees what I earn then he'll 'click'...men are always a bit slower arent they!!! ha ha

Thanks for all your advice, I do feel a bit less stressed about it now knowing at least I can get a contrace with my solicitor and this will hopefully get his mind ticking so it wont be so awkward suggesting he should pay a bit more (but not necessarily the exact amount that makes up the deficit, but enough to show he is appreciative of my deposit and that he doesnt want me to be financially struggling because of the mortgage amount).

Does anyone know if he will need to sign anything to say I have put in a £80,000 deposit, or will it just be between me and the solicitor? I suppose that anything else like how much we are paying towards the mortgage each would obviously need him to be present. xx

LandyAndy

DVardysShadow wrote: »

'really being together' - you cannot do this on your own, you cannot argue or force him to this position. If he cannot walk some of the way to this position without your involvement, it cannot happen. I am a bloke, trust me on this.

Put simply, whatever else works out about this relationship money will be the killer, it will break your heart.

I agree with this. Nothing is more likely to sour a relationship than treating it as a business transaction.

Also, remember that partners who have never worked and never contributed financially to a property are not left penniless and destitute if their marriage fails.

EL321

So, do you mean that because I feel that I need to go to a solicitor then this is destined to fail? Is this not just a way of securing myself and also making us both know where we stand with such a big purchase and change in our lives? Although it may not seem 'romantic' surely it is just a practical matters that needs to be done for piece of mind for both of us? Or do you just mean if he hasnt worked out for himself that he should be paying more then we are not going to work out? Sorry if I seem a bit thick but I'm not quite sure! he he. Or maybe you mean both!!!!xx

GSXRCarlos

you have to keep your finances and relationship seperate in these matters.

People are likening his inabilty to manage/understand finances to you relationship.

I'm not going to say either way, because only you know how your relationship works, but financial difficulties will rear their heads when you have relationship problems.

If things are split equal (ie tennants in common) then there can be no financial arguements = less financial stress on your relationship

also, Good Luck

gemstars

I wish you best of luck with your life together and hope everything works out for you both but if I can be frank....

all this getting the solicitor to write to you and say X, Y and Z or pretending the solicitor has mentioned something so that you can then talk about it is a bit ridiculous. Yes, you both might be shy but you're making a big decision here and you need to be able to talk about it openly.

The financial side of your relationship is not something either of you should be ashamed to talk about and all people on here can do is give you suggestions of how they would split the costs, the only person who can help you decided what is reight for you and your partner is your partner.

DVardysShadow

EL321 wrote: »

So, do you mean that because I feel that I need to go to a solicitor then this is destined to fail? Is this not just a way of securing myself and also making us both know where we stand with such a big purchase and change in our lives? Although it may not seem 'romantic' surely it is just a practical matters that needs to be done for piece of mind for both of us? Or do you just mean if he hasnt worked out for himself that he should be paying more then we are not going to work out? Sorry if I seem a bit thick but I'm not quite sure! he he. Or maybe you mean both!!!!xx

Yes! It is because you alone feel this, not the 2 of you. You can tell him and tell him what your concerns are, but until he starts asking and working it out for himself, you have told him nothing

EL321

Thanks Carlos and good luck to you as well (with your completion tomorrow). I just think that if we can sort this practically out then I will feel happier and we will both understand where we are financially and that must be the point of solicitors being able to draw up contracts with tennants in common.

I know what you mean gemstars but unfortunately this is how we work! Quite often I dont think he is thinking something but when I talk to him then I realise he is, its just that his mix of shyness and laidbackness and my shyness means that this is how it is I think.

To be honest DvardysShadow, I dont really know that he does not think about how to make up for the fact I'm putting such a big deposit down although I suppose I should realise that something needs to be said as he has suggested putting in the same amount each per month, regardless of me putting in such a large amount. He did say ages ago when we started discussing it all that he felt bad that he was not able to put such an amount of deposit down and I suppose maybe I should have said something then that he could pay more towards the mortgage if he earns more. Maybe he is a typical man and just takes a bit longer to work things out!? he he xx

LandyAndy

If you are going down this route then it would be sensible for each of you to consult separate solicitors to ensure that you are each getting independent advice on your rights and responsibilities.

EL321

Oh really, I dont know I would like that though because how would we know we would both be asking for the same thing so as to avoid conflict if anything happened. At least if we went to the same one we could agree on something together and we would both be sharing our thoughts rather than doing it separate?xx

LandyAndy

EL321 wrote: »

Oh really, I dont know I would like that though because how would we know we would both be asking for the same thing so as to avoid conflict if anything happened. At least if we went to the same one we could agree on something together and we would both be sharing our thoughts rather than doing it separate?xx

I think 'conflict of interest' would prevent this.

A solicitor can't advise both parties in a transaction.

I suppose you could use one solicitor to just discuss the options but there is no way he could advise a specific course of action.