Alcohol self help thread II

rose28454

Hi Beer
Thanks for your message. You PM'd me earlier in the week also. I am just going to play it cool for now. Yes I am a strong resourceful lady ( I use MSE dont I!) but I am getting to the stage when I cant take anymore of the lies and deceit after all the help we gave him. You are a good person and I do appreciate the hug. Shame my OH doesnt think I need one. Anyway I will keep you posted.
Thanks again

Al_Mac

Rose

Hello, my two pence worth

1 Do I let it all come to ahead before he retires and finds another job

If it comes to a head, it is going to come to a head, I suspect it will, when he wont find another job, so you need to do what's best for you. The children, at 23, needs to start looking to their own future.

2 Do I bide my time and try to protect my future by getting some of the mortgage repaid and keep the children in the dark

Mortgage repaid, if you are sure he will and wont hide (p) it away. It is still half yours, cash or bricks and mortar, getting it in to the mortgage is probably safest for you.

3 Do I tell him to leave now.

Only if you have decided this is the end. Then yes, tell him to go, but remember if he does, the cash goes with him.

Not much help I know, but just my quick thoughs. Good luck in what ever you decide, do post again, to keeps us informed or to ask a question.

Remember, you and the children have to come first.

Al

rose28454

Thanks for that. I think option 2 is the best so that at least if it goes pear shaped the money has not disappeared. Re the children. My son is 23 and is going to London to work inthe next few weeks anyway so I would like him to go peacefully and my daughter ( 21) lives at her boyfriends house and they are planning to buy a flat soon anyway. She cant live at home due to all that has gone on and I feel really guilty as she has had aneroxia recently due to all the stress. However she is getting better and has just got a new job aswell. The children will just be really disappointed but my son always said it would happen again anyway. My children are all that I really care about anyway and at least I will still have them and maybe some peace at last if it does all explode again.
Thanks again for your thoughts. Have a nice evening

beer2006

rose28454 wrote:

Hi Beer
Thanks for your message. You PM'd me earlier in the week also. I am just going to play it cool for now. Yes I am a strong resourceful lady ( I use MSE dont I!) but I am getting to the stage when I cant take anymore of the lies and deceit after all the help we gave him. You are a good person and I do appreciate the hug. Shame my OH doesnt think I need one. Anyway I will keep you posted.
Thanks again

I hadn't forgotten

Have you confronted him again after you found the bottle?

rose28454

No not yet. My son is going out for the night soon and OH has just got up.When I tried to discuss it he said to leave it till he had gone out. I have hidden the bottle and I knwo he will want it back. In the past I have pured drink away but it just leads to him going out and buying more. Thereby wasting more money. I will try to keep the piece for tonight and play it cool. I know it sounds mercenary but it will only be 3-4 weeks for the £55000 retirement/redundancy money to arrive. He wants to put it into a sole account but I have persuaded him to put it into a joint account. At least then some of the mortgage and debts would be paid and I would be more secure. Should I ask my sister and hubby to come round unexpectedly tonight to have a word or will that make it worse?? Advice please

Chrismojam

rose28454 wrote:

Hi, This is my first post on this thread....

Hiya Rose...haven't got any advice really...the other guys on the thread are really good at that:rolleyes:

I am sure finishing this job after 33 years is going to be really difficult for your hubby....but dealing with an alcoholic hubby for over 25 years is much more so......you have my admiration (and my sympathy:o )...you are a strong woman...remember that

I think Al is right....do what you feel is right for you.....your kids are old enough to look after themselves now..I know you are concerned about your daughter.....stress plays out in so many ways....maybe knowing that you are dealing positively with the whole situation will help her? I hope so:rolleyes: .....I have no idea about anorexia...but like with self harmers (I USED to never understand why someone would do that etc...).....I do know....funny how things become clearer as you get older....and wiser....ok that bits questionable;)

((((((HUGS to you and yours;) ))))

Chrismojam

rose28454 wrote:

No not yet. My son is going out for the night soon and OH has just got up.When I tried to discuss it he said to leave it till he had gone out. I have hidden the bottle and I knwo he will want it back. In the past I have pured drink away but it just leads to him going out and buying more. Thereby wasting more money. I will try to keep the piece for tonight and play it cool. I know it sounds mercenary but it will only be 3-4 weeks for the £55000 retirement/redundancy money to arrive. He wants to put it into a sole account but I have persuaded him to put it into a joint account. At least then some of the mortgage and debts would be paid and I would be more secure. Should I ask my sister and hubby to come round unexpectedly tonight to have a word or will that make it worse?? Advice please

This is not mercenary at all!!! You have put up with 25 years of crap !!!!!!!!!!!!...and he wanted to put the retirement/redundancuy money in a sole account???? Do you think he knows you've had enough and he's trying to set himself up???

Glad you have persuaded him otherwise....but in the meantime.....do get some legal backup....

With regard to your sis and hubbt coming around I suppose that could go two ways...you need the support....OH may think you are ganging up on him...but I have to say after 25 bloody years...what does he expect???

Best wishes....XXX

beer2006

rose28454 wrote:

Should I ask my sister and hubby to come round unexpectedly tonight to have a word or will that make it worse?? Advice please

I don't know I can't really give you advice on this, I don't know you or him, or your real situation.
You don't know yet if he is planning to definately drink yet by the sound of it. You obviously need to talk about it tonight.
If he says he is going to drink, tell him what will happen, on the other hand if he is retiring in 3 weeks, tell him to not drink until then, as you both need the money. Half that money is yours and Al is dead right, you need to get those loans and mortage paid off asap.

Al is right again, the kids are old enough to look after themselves, you look after you.
Tell him the way it is going to be and stick to it.

How will he react to the inlaws coming round, very obviously asked by you I would guess?

Chrismojam

I know I posted yesterday morning...and then AC....and then nothing until today....peeps are getting on with life....well that can only be a good thing;)

Hope everyone is feeling ok today...I'm feeling like !!!!!! but I'll live:rolleyes:

Don't know if anyone else is coming down with this crappy horrible cold that's going round...but OMG!!!!!

I persevered in work...felt like crap...12 hours (broken) sleep over three days....EVERYTHING ACHED!!!....dosed myself up (too much I think:o )...strangely felt like I had someone else teeth in (haven't actually GOT falsies but I imagined if they felt painful...that's what it would be like:o ) and I sooooooooo wanted to take them out???

Throat felt like swallowing broken glass.....Thursday night noticed that tongue and pretty much everything else had swelled up and was infected ....euurgh!!...felt like when you have burnt your mouth...but I know I hadn't...Oh I felt sooo crap..

Well.....I don't know about you...but even when I'm off sick feel I should be doing SOMETHING...well I was wiped out for most of the day....woke up about 3 and felt...I really should get SOMETHING done!!

I'll carry on is a mo..bladder control has gone out the window as well.........oh !!!!!!...I'll stop feeling sorry for myself sometime soon I promise:p

jayne.doe

Rose only you know what you should do and from the sounds of it you have decided. You have put up with a lot for so long, maybe it is time to live your life, not your sons not your daughters but yours. You are always a mother but you also need time to have a life as well. Take care.

Chris what the hell are you on about false teeth for. I have had this cold and no way did i ever feel like i had someone elses teeth in.:rotfl: i am laughing so much from that,, what are you like:) I dont understand about the bladder control but i dread to think what you mean:rotfl: Thank you for making me smile :)xx