Alcohol self help thread II

feelinggood_2

Its a hard balance isn't it Jayne?
I always hid my drinking as I didn't want my mum to know. When I first started drinking very heavily, my dad wasn't around, and my mum was struggling to cope - thats probably why it got as bad as it did - had my dad been thier, it wouldn't have got so bad I don't think - I never took my mum seriously - I thought "who are you to tell me not to drink - you are an alcoholic!!"
I don't have any kiddies, so not given any thought to how I'm going to deal with this sort of thing - maybe I'm being hopeful in that it will not affect them?

jayne.doe

you said it in one hun balance.(that was really insightful of you) Do you blame your mum? or do you think you do it to yourself? Is your dad still around.? Myself i do love my father but i was determined to marry a man that was totally unlike him, god how awful thats sounds when written in black and white.

feelinggood_2

jayne.doe wrote:

you said it in one hun balance.(that was really insightful of you) Do you blame your mum? or do you think you do it to yourself? Is your dad still around.? Myself i do love my father but i was determined to marry a man that was totally unlike him, god how awful thats sounds when written in black and white.

My dad is around now yes, he was only away for a year.
I don't blame my mum, she did the best she could for me, as did my dad. I knew the risks before I started drinking, but didn't care about them - I just wanted something to ease the pain. Took a long time to work out that it was giving me more pain than it was taking away. I was talking to someone yesterday, about how I used to be. I was getting nearer and nearer to becoming that person all the time - I don't want to be drunk feelie - drunk feelie isn't nice. Sober feelie is much nicer, and that is how I am going to.
Parents do influence our realtionships, and not always for the better. I'd have done better had I married a man like my dad, and not the man I did marry. Almost 2pm and I've not smoked! :T Or Drank! :T

jayne.doe

well done baby steps:) my o/h says you are where you want to be in life. I think he is right. He means that you are the only person in the world to decide where you want to be. If you choose to be drunk thats your choice and is what you want if it isnt you would make the choice to give up. He is not talking about needing help advice or support but the idea of choice we choose.

feelinggood_2

You have a very wise OH jayne
Are you doing okay today?

jayne.doe

yeh he is a v nice person does a lot of good in the world really kind man. Yeh i am okay feel so much better for not drinking, a bit emotional but other than that okay thankyou. What are you gonna do today feelie apart from not drink and smoke:) do you do anything together with your o/h like go out to cinema, talk .....

feelinggood_2

jayne.doe wrote:

yeh he is a v nice person does a lot of good in the world really kind man. Yeh i am okay feel so much better for not drinking, a bit emotional but other than that okay thankyou. What are you gonna do today feelie apart from not drink and smoke:) do you do anything together with your o/h like go out to cinema, talk .....

I'm taking it easy today - watching a movie, chatting on here, that sort of thing. Going to have a nice long soak in the bath later.
OH is still in bed and will spend 75% of the weekend there. We don't do anything together really, and thats the way I like it.
Lack of drink and lack of nicotine is making me feel all soppy for some reason, very strange. I need a cuddle lol. :A

jayne.doe

yehhhhhhhhh know what you mean will throw a cuddle at you:) why does o/h spend so much time in bed is he depressed? Dont get me wrong about my o/h he can be a real pain in the neck and drive me bloody mad he has his faults like we all do. But he makes me laugh, for instance that bloody stupid lynx advert where the guy lifts his arms and sweat pours out like a fountain. No matter how many times he sees that advert, and it is a lot of times, he still laughs and not just a little bit he dissolves. thats one thing i like about him.:)

feelinggood_2

OH is giving up smoking today too, thats why he's in bed.
We've just grown apart - that said, we were never all that close in the first place. No point crying over spilt milk eh!

jayne.doe

yes there is a marriage broken is not a happy thing, its yet another thing you will feel has failed in your life. You must decide what you want to do and find the strength to do it. My o/h was married for 4 yrs before he met me, she was a !!!!! however o/h had to see that and leave for himself. He was seperated when i met him and she asked him to come back even tho he was with me then. I told him to go back if he wanted ,or to stay if he wanted ,but ultimately his decision. That is the most unselfish thing i have ever done in my life ,but also the most selfish. Because he would have blamed me if it had not worked out with us ,and i wouldnt have been able to cope with that. You must decide ,the sense of failure you might feel, (as my o/h did) you will manage and you will be stronger. As i say ultimately your choice but a horrible sad one to make.:( i dont envy you.