Alcohol self help thread II

Shaz123_3

Hi Almac,

Thanks for your reply. I've honestly tried everything possible. He knows he has a problem and every so often will say I'll stay off beer during the week as I think he gets pains after excessive drinking. He's constantly taking rennie tablets and indigestion remedies.

Yes divorce is drastic but I feel that is my only way out. I can't live like this anymore.

Do I love him? I don't know anymore, it's very hard when he is verbally abusive towards me just because he has a stinking hangover the following day. He never apologises when he is the one that has done something wrong and I end up getting shouted at. How does that work? He then expects everything to be ok just because he's made dinner for me or phoned me at work??

Leaving knives lying about a kitchen bunker and doors unlocked when our 2 year old son could easily get hurt go out of the house when my back is turned doing dishes in unacceptable. I've told him that.

To make promises to me and break them in unacceptable but I have got use to that, but to his own son who says 'swimming, swimming' and pulling out his swim pants and showing me is nothing short of cruel. He always goes on about how much he loves his son but actions speak louder than words. I've realised since getting married to him that words are cheap.

I don't think getting a job will change him, to him the money isn't worth getting out of bed for (salary is low but I've said better than nothing and he can hopefully find a better job whilst in a job). However he's quite a lazy person. Whether he is working or at home, he feels that after 5pm and him making dinner work stops there.

Yes I could stay at my parents. Well he could travel a bit further (45 mins) and stay with his grandad but I reckon he'd stay in a hotel before he did that. However I'd worry about the house being broken into, on fire if he was to stay and I was to move out. Certainly he'd be living like a gypsy as I can't see him doing any housework and tidying up after himself.

How would we be able to sell our house. No chance! He'd scare people off with his red face or his alcohol odour.

suffolkb

Shaz123 - I`m very sorry to here about your problems and ashamed to say that I was no better than your husband.As long as yo are prepared to put up with the situation,It is unlikely that he will change.I didn`t.The rehab term is that you are "empowering him".
Throw him out - my wife did and I moved into a small studio flat and got even worse,until I hit my own rock bottom and finally admitted my problem to myself.I had the choice of 2 rehabs - one AA style and one not.I chose the latter and stopped drinking for 6 months,but craved alcohol every waking minute.Of course I relapsed and managed to find an even lower rock bottom before trying the other rehab.Since then,Aug 2001,I have not wanted a drink (still dream about it though).And I still go to AA as I feel it helps.
But as long as your husband thinks that he is not the problem,then I don`t feel that he will change.He really needs help and I hope he realises this eventually.In the meantime,you must protect yourself and child.
5 years on,we are divorced,but friendly,and I see my daughters most days and the youngest stays with me during term time.I would have not had this without rehab and AA,but he needs to want this.No one can change him - except himself,but there is help available.I hope he looks for it soon.

Al_Mac

Pondered this on and off all day. I wish I could give you an answer.

You need to go with what you think is best, sb swayed me into thinking kicking him out and instigagting divorce isn't a bad option. You and the kid are the most important people. Husband if he realises can sort himself out:eek:

Keep posting, if you want.

Take care

Shaz123_3

Thank you suffockb for your reply as you were once in my husbands shoes. That is what I am hoping that we will at least remain on friendly terms.

I have not spoken to him yet about getting a divorce because he has a 3rd interview for a job tomorrow. Today when I came home he just said I'll look after our son, his milks been made. I only replied with thanks and walked upstairs. His next comment was are you not going to do the dishes?

Not sure whether he was joking or being serious because I do the dishes 90-95% of the time. I replied all I have done is do dishes all weekend (ie cleaning after the mess he leaves whilst drunk). He never said a word.

He just told me he has swatted up on SQL for his interview tomorrow and took son into bedroom whilst I've just been packaging stuff up I've sold on Ebay. Kind of expected his usual response no apology (not that I really want one as I don't feel he means it anyway) but acts if everything is normal between us.

Not looking forward to our 'talk' but it must be done. Think I'm dreading his reponse of me over reacting. I would be very, very relieved if he agreed. Doubt it because when I suggested a 4-5 week trial separation when I was last here in July he promised me heaven and earth that things would change.

Anyway I should really be in bed. Alarm wakes me up at 6:15am. Yikes!

Al_Mac

Be strong and I suppose one day at a time:o

anon1234

Hi all, I thought I'd post on this thread after reading it over the past couple of days.

The strength and will power of the people here is truly humbling and you all have my utter respect.

I have taken the "alcoholic" test linked earlier in the thread and "scored" 9 positives which seems to confirm my fears that alcohol is a bigger part of my life than it should be.

I've read many posts suggesting it's the NEED for a drink that implies that someone has a problem..I don't think I have a NEED but I do sneak drinks, topping up beer and soft drinks with vodka and I have drunk until I passed out on too many occassions for it to be healthy.

I'm really not at all sure I could go completely without a drink...am I being realistic to think I can just reduce what I drink?

suffolkb

Welcome to the thread.If you can simply reduce your alcohol consumption, then good for you.If you are an alcoholic,then I doubt if it will be possible.
In the Times today https://www.timesonline.co.uk/mensstyle there is an article from an addiction therapist who claims a success rate of 84% compared to AA`s rate of <10%. A tad expensive at $60,000 for a 30 day course though. I think I`ll try and order his book from the library.

ac

evening all...

might be back later.. hope all is well xxxxxxx

feelinggood_2

Hey AC, hope you are doing good x

ac

im doing flippin fantasitc considering the stress ive been under..

i start back work next week...

slowly but shorly......

i nearly told them about my alcoholism but thought again..

its never ever affected my work and my absence had nothink todo
with my problem....

just thought they may be more tolerant with me but when you tell peeps your an alcoholic they start to tread on egg shells and i dont want that

just putting kids to bed..may be back later..

hope you ok FG ??? xxxxxxx

nearly had seconds thoughts about splitting up but i no its the best thing for me xxxxx